B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping another edition of Lights, Camera, Albums into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, I feel like I need to give some disclaimers about this one up top. 

When I was listening to Plastic Hearts for research, there were two recurring themes I kept noticing: addiction and an almost vampiric sensuality. 

The nocturnal feel of this album just radiates supernatural creatures for me, particularly the sensuality often associated with vampires. 

On the other hand, I see a lot of references and allusions to addiction, even if it’s just addiction to a person or situation. 

I need you to suspend your beliefs for this LCA. We all know our girl Miley tends to write hypersexual lyrics. However, I need you to take out the sexual components for some of these pairings and focus more so on the state of mind. 

I don’t feel like there’s much more I can say to explain myself, but I hope you’re picking up what I’m laying down. Just trust the process. 

If this is your first Lights, Camera, Albums, we’re happy to have you! As a little primer, this is a series where I take the tracklist of the album du jour and pair each song with a movie. We’ve covered everyone from Chappell Roan to Fall Out Boy, and I would absolutely check out the other editions in this series. 

The last thing I want to mention is that I feel weird adding pictures with funny captions in this one because several of these movies and/or the scenes mentioned are heavy. 

Without further ado, I present to you Lights, Camera, Albums: Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts. 

“WTF Do I Know” as Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen 

“Cause I couldn’t be somebody’s hero

You want an apology? Not from me” 

I 100% see “WTF Do I Know” coming from Stu Wolf’s (Adam Garcia) perspective in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Lola (Lindsay Lohan) worships Stu, but when she finally meets him, Lola sees that he isn’t the man she’s conjured up in her mind. Stu is in the throes of addiction and is, to put it bluntly, an egotistical asshole. I think Stu could sing this to Lola and Ella (Alison Pill) in the diner right before Lola tells him off. 

“Plastic Hearts” as Get Him to the Greek 

I want to give a disclaimer about this pairing up top. I do really enjoy this movie, but there are, unfortunately, a cavalcade of shitty men in it. Just keep that in mind if you’re watching this movie. I digress. 

It’s clear that Aldous Snow (Russell Brand, unfortunately) is so desperate for connection. He’s deeply unhappy with his life and tries to fill the void with all of his vices. Aaron (Jonah Hill, unfortunately) is almost like Aldous’s glimpse into a normal life outside of celebrity, and Aaron tries to keep him grounded. That’s why this pairing was so obvious to me. With lyrics like, “I just wanna feel,” I think Get Him to the Greek and “Plastic Heart” are perfect together. 

“Angels Like You” as Casablanca 

My head canon is that Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) sing this to each other as Rick is putting Ilsa on the plane. I think each sees the other as the “angel.” Ilsa sees Rick as the man she’ll always love and thinks he’s going to escape with her, while Rick sees Ilsa as the one who got away and knows they can’t be together. But, let’s maybe just keep this as head canon and never try to remake Casablanca. 

“Prisoner (feat. Dua Lipa)” as My Best Friend’s Wedding 

This is an example of a pairing that I need you to suspend your belief on. Okay? Okay. Jules (Julia Roberts) realizes she’s in love with her best friend Michael (Dermot Mulroney) and casually decides to try to convince him to leave his fiance and call off his wedding. Y’know, totally mature and, in no way, toxic behavior. 

I think in Jules’s mind, she’s been imprisoned by her feelings for Michael, and they’ve always had a special connection. Jules sees these feelings as something she has to act on, and she just “can’t get [him] off [her] mind.” But, a part of her also blames Michael for her feelings, much like the song. 

“Gimme What I Want” as Ginger Snaps 

There’s no way you can listen to “Gimme What I Want” and not think of a werewolf. I’m sorry. Also, let’s mix in all of the hormones that course through your system in adolescence. hat’s what led me to Ginger Snaps. After she’s bitten, Ginger (Katharine Isabelle) transforms into a werewolf and her entire worldview changes. We’re just going to leave it there because this movie is about puberty and teenagers, so let’s keep it PG-13. 

“Night Crawling (feat. Billy Idol)” as Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

Now, there are a couple of different perspectives we could utilize for this one, so I think it would be a full ensemble song. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there are…vampires. This is one of those songs I mentioned up top that SCREAMS vampiric desires. 

“Night crawlin’, sky fallin’

Gotta listen when the Devil’s callin’

Can’t shake it, I’ll taste it

When it’s yellin’ out my name, I chase it” 

LIKE, COME ON. You could even have Buffy (Kristy Swanson) singing against the numerous vampires to show the parallels between her mentality of slaying versus the vamps’ dastardly deeds. 

“Midnight Sky” as Bit 

I want to confess something. I LOVE this song. I can’t tell you how many times I played it when it came out, and I still listen to it regularly. Man, it feels good to get that off my chest, and we can move on now. 

At the fear of repeating myself again, here’s another song I paired with a vampire movie. In Bit, Laurel (Nicole Maines) is seduced into being a vampire after meeting Izzy (Zolee Griggs) at Duke’s (Diana Hopper) club. I can see this song playing in the club as Izzy and Duke set their sights on Laurel. 

“High” as Rachel Getting Married 

CW/TW: addiction, grief, loss, drunk driver, fatal car crashes, and everything similar 

I watched Rachel Getting Married as a teenager, but I still recognized how good this movie is. To fully understand how I made this pairing, I want you to take any sexual component out of the lyrics. Instead, I want you to picture Kym (Anne Hathaway) singing this and talking about her dead brother, Ethan. She was responsible for his death, and their sister, Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt), hasn’t fully forgiven her. 

Miley and Kym have the same mentally here of missing someone so terribly. While Miley is more than likely talking about the feeling of being high as opposed to any of the vices Kym turns to, their mental states are very similar in this moment. 

“Hate Me” as Walk the Line

Johnny Cash struggled with addiction, and it’s no secret that his and June’s relationship started when he was still married to someone else. I can see Johnny (Joaquin Phoenix) singing this song to June (Reese Witherspoon) when he’s trying to get her back or while he’s detoxing. June loved Johnny, but their relationship was tumultuous, much like the one described in this song. 

“Bad Karma (feat. Joan Jett)” as Bound 

First and foremost, I can’t believe I’m writing a piece about a Miley Cyrus album that pairs a song she sings with Joan Jett with Bound. Dreams do come true. 

Secondly, I think Violet (Jennifer Tilly) would ABSOLUTELY sing something like this as she sneaks out to scheme with Corky (Gina Gershon) if Bound ever became a musical. In fact, Corky and Violet could do a hot duet of it. 

“Never Be Me” as Rent 

“Never Be Me” is “Take Me or Leave Me” for people who were in the fine arts as kids and are now in their 30s. I said what I said. This song SCREAMS Maureen (Idina Menzel), through and through. Maureen is a very strong personality, and she wants Joanne (Tracie Thoms) to know exactly what she’s getting into. If they updated Rent and picked modern songs to add into the musical, it would be a travesty if they didn’t choose “Never Be Me.” 

“Golden G String” as Hustlers 

I know this one might seem like it’s on the nose, but I didn’t pair these songs based on the title alone. “Golden G String” is about embracing your sexuality and reclaiming your power as a woman. I know that in Hustlers, they’re, um, drugging men and stealing their money, but take a step back. 

Crimes aside, Ramona (Jennifer Lopez), Destiny (Constance Wu), and Co are looking to overcome the setbacks life has thrown at them while getting back at some of the men who treat women as objects. AGAIN, I don’t condone the crimes they committed, but I think it’s easy to see the parallels here.