B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Renny Harlin’s The Strangers: Chapter 1 into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, before I say anything AT ALL, this review calls for my famous disclaimer: 

The great thing about movies is that we can discuss and debate them. Just because I think a movie is great doesn’t make it a good movie, and just because I think a movie is awful doesn’t make it a bad movie. Also, making a movie is extremely difficult and incredibly badass, and I don’t want to detract from the process. 

Alrighty, let’s get to it. 

I’d heard that The Strangers: Chapter 1 was bad. 

In fact, my server warned me before the movie even started that it was going to be the low point of my triple feature. 

But, nothing could’ve prepared me for how bad this movie truly is. 

First and foremost, there’s no chemistry between our leads. I love Madelaine Petsch, and I know that she’s a good actor. However, I think the only criteria for placing these two together is the fact they’re both hot. 

With horror, you don’t always have to create an undeniable romantic dynamic, but in a movie like this, we need to care about these characters. 

And, I just…didn’t. 

This looks like a renaissance painting of two hot people getting ready to call their agents after this scene wraps 

Secondly, no trope is left unturned. 

From slamming hands onto nails to speaking at full volume when trying to get away, The Strangers: Chapter 1 tackles them all. 

There’s also one scene where Ryan (Froy Gutierrez) crafts a makeshift inhaler out of a water bottle. The problem is, he crinkles the water bottle like it’s his FUCKING JOB while he’s trying to hide. 

I wanted to look at him and go, “Gee, was a bag of Sunchips not available?” 

For my third and final point, I’ll have to spoil things. As we all know, I usually try to avoid spoilers as much as possible. But, to properly review this one, I’m gonna have to spoil things just a bit. 

If you want this flick to remain spoiler free, skip down to the paragraph that starts with “I was genuinely excited…”. 

Ready? Okay. 

“Please don’t make me be in the rest of this trilogy” 

Hello! Future Baillee here. So, there’s some weird discourse on the internet right now where IMDb is saying this movie isn’t a prequel, but just about everywhere else says this is a prequel and/or takes place in 2008 like the original. I’m sticking with the fact this is a prequel, but the other two movies in the trilogy may prove me wrong. I also could’ve sworn that Liv Tyler made a cameo, but I guess that wasn’t her on the video call? Either way, I think this just shows that this movie wasn’t fully planned out. Carry on.

So, I called from the trailer that this was a prequel. The outdated soundtrack tipped me off from a mile away. 

Now, Final Destination 5 did a similar thing where they made a prequel without clueing us in beforehand. HOWEVER, the big difference between it and The Strangers: Chapter 1 is that Final Destination 5 didn’t spoon feed us. 

For example, there’s a quick look at a gift certificate that expires in 2001. All of the music is from the late 90s. The license plates are all outdated. You get the picture. 

Instead of giving us subtle hints, The Strangers: Chapter 1 slaps us in the face over and over like Joan Crawford on a bad day (or a good day, or…just ever) that this is a prequel. 

We see that all of the cell phones are older. We understand the soundtrack is older (but still years ahead of 2008?). We get it. 

You don’t need to underestimate us as an audience, especially when the timeline doesn’t quite make sense. 

I really want to give The Strangers: Chapter 1 the benefit of the doubt. There’s a lot to establish within the first movie of a trilogy, but Fear Street was also a trilogy. Additionally, the Fear Street trilogy established an entirely new franchise; it wasn’t created using an existing IP. 

Also, as we already established, Final Destination 5 does a really good job of throwing out a surprise prequel without basically winking at the camera and saying, “Get it?”. The Strangers: Chapter 1 doesn’t leave us breadcrumbs; it throws entire slices at us.

The real pants are the terrible horror movies we made along the way 

I was genuinely excited for this one because I a) love the concept of a staggered release and b) I love The Strangers and The Strangers: Prey at Night. Unfortunately, The Strangers: Chapter 1 just isn’t up to snuff. 

I’m a completionist, so I’ll probably see the other two movies, but I can’t guarantee we’ll cover them here. 

You could even say we’ve closed the door on The Strangers trilogy for now. 

Hopefully, no one else comes knocking.