B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping movies we’re making gay into the ol’ VCR. 

Before we begin, I feel like I should provide a little context. 

One of my friends and I used to play a game we’d call But Make It Gay where we would each pick movies and then twist the storyline to be more LGBTQIA+ focused. 

For example, take The Princess Bride. 

Instead of Westley, the character would be named Winnie, and she and Buttercup would be in love. Additionally, Fezzik would be a bear, and Prince Humperdinck would become Princess Humperdinck. You get the picture. 

Now, I want to make a couple of things clear: 

First and foremost, I’m queer. I’m not here to make fun of the LGBTQIA+ community. This is all done in good fun, and I also think it shows how easy it is to create queer storylines. I know that major studios are often hesitant to greenlight queer projects, and I hope this shows a) how a lot of content already has queer undertones and b) that adding queer characters and storylines to content doesn’t come from some nefarious agenda. 

Secondly, I’m not doing this with any children’s movies only because I’m probably going to make some references that aren’t appropriate. I 100% agree that children’s content should include LGBTQIA+ characters, and I applaud those that do. 

Alrighty, that should do us for disclaimers and introductions. 

Without further ado, let’s play But Make It Gay with these four movies: 

Practical Magic 

Okay, picture it. Aunt Francis and Aunt Jet are lesbians who take in their two nieces after their parents die. While one niece, Gillian, is a proud pansexual, the other, Sally, is closeted. After Sally’s husband dies, and she rescues Gillian from an abusive partner, Sally finds herself having feelings for Gerri Hallet, the female detective trying to find Gillian’s partner. Embracing your magic can also serve as a parallel for coming out. It’s perfect. 

Scream 

Scream already has some queer undertones, so I don’t believe this one is as big of a stretch. Let’s make Dewey a butch lesbian who falls for the femme Gale. Also, I think it would be badass if Sid was nonbinary. Let’s also cut the ambiguity and make it obvious that Stu and Billy are in a relationship. Ghostface is also totally a pillow princess. 

You’ve Got Mail 

I’m going to make one joke, and I promise I won’t make any more. Here goes: More like You’ve Got Femail, amirite? I’m so sorry. 

This one truly writes itself. Joe Fox becomes Joanna “Jo” Fox. She falls in love with the beautiful and quirky Kathleen Kelly in a queer chatroom. Kathleen and her boyfriend are on the rocks, and Jo and her girlfriend are two seconds away from a breakup. Jo and Kathleen unknowingly fall in love, and they inevitably wind up together. I think it would be incredible to make Kathleen Kelly a trans woman and cast Holland Taylor as Jo’s mother as well. 

Casablanca 

I would absolutely love to see a classic movie like Casablanca recreated to be LGBTQIA+-centric. I would love for Rick to be played by a trans man actor, and I would love for the setting to be an LGBTQIA+-friendly club. There’s a huge opportunity to showcase drag artists, and RuPaul could even play a character. 

I also think this storyline could be spun to provide social commentary on how the LGBTQIA+ community is being persecuted. Finally, for some reason, Renee Rapp is Ilsa in my head? We clearly have some things to work through, but I think there are some good bones here.