B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Salem’s Lot (2024) into the ol’ VCR. 

Look… 

I’m always going to be a bit of a harsh critic when it comes to film adaptations of Stephen King novels (I famously hate Doctor Sleep). 

My criticism doubles for Salem’s Lot because it’s my favorite novel of his. 

I went into Salem’s Lot with an open mind.

I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it was stuck in development hell and didn’t get a theatrical release because of some red tape. 

But deep down, I saw the writing on the wall. I knew that it probably wasn’t good and had been recut and reshot into oblivion. 

And, unfortunately, my gut was right. 

Before we get started, let me drop in one of my trademark disclaimers: 

The great thing about movies is that we can discuss and debate them. Just because I think a movie is great doesn’t make it a good movie, and just because I think a movie is awful doesn’t make it a bad movie. Also, making a movie is extremely difficult and incredibly badass, and I don’t want to detract from the process. 

Alrighty, let’s get into it. 

Do I think this iteration of Salem’s Lot is unwatchable? Not necessarily. 

But do I think the weird CGI choices, like the glowing crosses, and the weird performance choices, like Pilou Asbæk’s decision to play Straker as though he’s Nicholas Cage in Renfield, do it any favors? No, no I do not. 

Additionally, to invoke one of my battle cries, they need to pick a lane. 

There are times where Salem’s Lot swerves into comedy horror’s lane (which I don’t agree with), so I think we should’ve just stuck to a full-on horror approach. But, if they were going to go comedic, they should’ve fully committed. 

As I mentioned earlier, it’s also obvious that this movie was poked and prodded, and I personally would love to see the original cut. 

The pacing of this movie is also WILD. 

I know that Salem’s Lot is around 439 pages long, so there were definitely going to be some cuts. 

But to go from Ben Mears’s arrival to vamps in like 25 minutes is insane. 

And, to invoke another one of my battle cries, I think this one would’ve worked better as a series. 

I can’t help but think about how well Mike Flanagan’s Midnight Mass worked because he was able to build tension and let the vampirism slowly seep throughout the town. 

I also think Mike Flanagan could’ve made one hell of a Salem’s Lot remake, but again, he already made Midnight Mass, and I don’t want people to think of him as a one-trick pony. 

The 1979 miniseries adaptation of Salem’s Lot still reigns supreme for me, but I do think that if the source material was placed in the right hands it could be usurped one day. 

But please don’t take that as an invitation to make another half-assed adaptation. 

I don’t know if my little heart could take it…and I have a bad knee and don’t drive, so I couldn’t curl myself up in the trunk at the drive-in if Barlow turned me because my heart was giving out.