B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Hot Frosty into the ol’ VCR.

Listen… 

I was confident that I was going to hate this movie. 

I was so confident, in fact, that I started writing jokes during the opening scene.

For example: 

“Part Jack Frost, part A Mom for Christmas, and part Life-Size, Hot Frosty is a full-on nightmare.” 

And 

“Can someone PLEASE check in on Dustin Mulligan to make sure he’s okay? And also, maybe, touch his abs for me while you’re there?” 

(Seriously, I don’t know what kind of Patrick Bateman-ass routine this man does in the morning, but MY GOD) 

But, friends, in an absolutely insane turn of events, I actually…really enjoyed this movie. 

I know. I’m just as surprised as you are. 

I wound up getting so invested in this movie that I even FUCKING GOOGLED THE ENDING HALFWAY THROUGH, just to make sure this little mansicle made it out alive because I don’t think my heart could’ve taken it if he didn’t. 

But, I’m getting ahead of myself. 
For those unfamiliar, Hot Frosty tells the tale of Kathy (Lacey Chabert), a young widow who is gifted a scarf from the (clearly bisexual) couple who owns the local thrift store. The ice sculpture, who affectionately comes to be known as Jack (Dustin Mulligan), comes to life, where he reminds the town that kindness goes a long way, all while helping Kathy through her grief.

Talk about ice sculpture 🤤

Based on this premise, you’re probably wondering how/why I enjoyed this movie so much. 

Let me explain. 

Firstly, this movie is HORNY. Like, BLATANTLY HORNY. 

As in, there’s a gag where Jack helps push a car out of the snow with more double entendres than a Sex and the City episode. 

It’s not Sabrina Carpenter horny, but I’d put it close to A Bad Moms Christmas horny. 

The ladies in this town need a Bellesa promo code STAT. 

I digress. 

Secondly, and most surprisingly, I’m not mad about the writing. 

I actually really like how Kathy’s character is written, and there’s a lot of good commentary about grief. 

Kathy’s character isn’t helpless but is self-aware about her situation and communicates as much to Jack.

With how horny the rest of this movie is, I’m honestly proud of them for not making a rectal thermometer joke 

Jack also isn’t some stereotypical Christmas leading man, either. 

Jack’s written as a genuinely good dude who hypes up everyone in town, including Deputy Sheriff Ed Schatz (Joe Lo Truglio), when he confides in Jack that he doesn’t think he’s attractive. 

There’s also that great little Mean Girls nod when Kathy says Lindsay Lohan looks like a girl she went to high school with. Y’all know I’m a SUCKER for a good Easter egg. 

We also get a Pretty Woman montage ref. 

There’s the extremely clever ATM footage plot point. 

But, I do feel like there was the missed opportunity to make a Party of Five joke. 

Kathy owned a cafe with a hostess stand, for crying out loud.  

Thirdly, I don’t know whose idea it was to put Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio together as our Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of sorts, but kudos. 

ACAB, though.

This ice sculpture is honestly giving, “We have Dustin Mulligan at home” 

And finally, I love how this entire town is like, “Yeah, he’s a genuinely good guy, so we’re cool with him being a snowman.” 

It’s…so crazy how this town just accepts Jack for who he is… 

These people were so welcoming…

And just accepted Jack being a snowman… 

And didn’t seek to inflict hate or cruelty on someone different… 

That’s WILD. 

Now, this obviously isn’t Oscar-worthy cinema by any means. 

I’ve never heard the word “galoshes” used so many times in a movie. 

Additionally, this movie brings me to the horrific realization that snow people are sentient and essentially suffer from locked-in syndrome? 

That also begs the bigger question of whether or not they feel pain. 

What an unsavory can of worms we’ve opened here. 

What in the name of Twilight is this lighting, though?

Kathy’s husband’s medical charts also seem to have been written in a Comic Sans-esque font, which is troubling to say the least. 

Additionally, Jack’s clothes all seem to have been ordered straight out of a Bongo catalog (which actually does make sense, knowing that all of his clothes were bought from the aforementioned bisexual* thrift store owners). 

* Disclaimer: this is me joking/speculating, so please don’t come for me when you watch this movie and it’s not an actual plot point. 

Finally, I want to know how Jack learned to channel surf because the alternative is there’s some cat/cooking/vampire movie channel or streamer that I need to subscribe to. 

All in all, Hot Frosty is the horny snowman movie we didn’t know we needed. 

There are so many horrible things going on in the world, so, y’know what? Yeah, I’m gonna tell you to watch a movie where a traditionally good looking man is genuinely kind and is accepted by a town for being a snowman. 

P.S. I put “get a hot girlfriend” on my 2025 goals, so if you see me putting scarves on inanimate Christmas decorations, no you didn’t.