B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour into the ol’ VCR. 

A big part of my mission here on the blog is to watch all kinds of pop culture, so you don’t have to. Well, friends, I have once again sacrificed 45 minutes of my day, for your sake. 

About a year ago, I stumbled across The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour at a Dollar Tree. I obviously bought it and then added it to our editorial calendar (which is over 14 pages long, I might add). 

A while back, my queen, Jaime French, covered this particular piece of media, and I knew it was finally time to cover a real treat from 2004, as you can tell by the dresses worn with jeans, ties, and gauchos. 

Now, there’s no possible way I can make a coherent piece about The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour. Really. Instead, we’re going to do one of my favorite types of blog where I write out bullet points that represent my stream of consciousness. 

Without further ado, let’s dive in. 

• It’s mighty optimistic to call this the first variety hour.
• Thank God Kacey Musgraves saved variety show homages.
• Omg, that’s Jewel, not Ashlee Simpson. 🤦‍♀️
• I also don’t understand the pole vaulting joke, Jaime.
• The Muppets deserve better than this. 
• Why is Jessica wearing blonde wigs that are her exact hair color?
• Oh shit, “With You” does slap! 
• Why don’t we appreciate Jewel more?
• Someone made Nick duet instead of giving him a solo. 
• K.I.T.T. needs therapy. 
• Jessica also needs therapy. 
• Which episode of True Blood is this? 
• I want to crawl out of my skin because of Jessica’s Bush impression. 
• Who did Jessica piss off in wardrobe to get such busted wigs?
• Whoever came up with the Nick La Shave bit still brags about it to this very day. 
• I had no idea who Johnny Benches was before today and guessed he was some sort of traveling elementary school clown. 
• Why is Jessica singing “She Works Hard For The Money” in-between skits in a montage?
• This was absolutely Jessica’s idea. 
• Why am I sad knowing that they’re divorced now?
• I might need to go back to therapy. 

And there you have it. I made it through the entire Nick & Jessica Variety Hour. It isn’t unbearable, but it’s definitely cringe. I’d recommend pairing it with some episodes of Newlyweds for ultimate nostalgia. 

And yes, Mr. T does sing speak several lyrics of “With You.”