Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Dollar Tree horror movies into the ol’ VCR.
Now, I’ve done a lot of things for content. I’ve written pages upon pages about Bo Burnham’s Inside. I watched the entire Fast and Furious series front to back. I’ve even picked streaming services clean to give you the best recommendations in Stream Queen.
However, I can say with full confidence that watching these movies (including a pilot) is one of the most brutal things I’ve ever done for the sake of content.
Some of these movies are worse than I could have possibly imagined. For several, I hear they’re still trying to figure out the plot to this very day. This may seem dramatic, but I’d rather watch The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour again, which, funnily enough, I also purchased from Dollar Tree.
Cue blink-182’s “I Miss You.”
Before we dive into my reviews of all of these movies, I want to give a few disclaimers.
First and foremost, I would recommend watching digital copies of these movies. Many of the DVDs didn’t have subtitle options, and the audio can be extremely hard to make out.
Secondly, I want to give a shoutout to my sister, who demanded I shout her out multiple times, as she’s responsible for purchasing many of these movies for me.
Thirdly, I want to give one of my famous disclaimers here. Just because I didn’t like some of these movies doesn’t make them bad movies, and just because I liked some of these movies doesn’t mean they’re good movies. Unless there is something horrible/inappropriate within the content, a movie’s rating is subjective.
You can tell in some of the title sequences that the cast and crew had a BLAST making these, and I think it’s awesome that they put something out into the world. Thank you for taking the time and spending the money to follow a project you were passionate about.
I’m well aware that this is how I sound during my disclaimers, thank you.
Finally, I hope all of you are having a wonderful Christmas/Monday/holiday season. We didn’t originally plan for this piece to be released on Christmas Day; it just happened to fall that way on the release schedule. But, after Elliott and I talked about it, we felt like it fits with the B Movies brand, and it felt right.
This piece is going to be divided into two categories: the Spooky Steals and the Dollar Duds. Spooky Steals are the ones I recommend, while the Dollar Duds are the ones I didn’t care for. I’m going to include a little review for each movie, the trailer, and the CW/TWs I caught.
Alrighty, I think that’s all the housekeeping. Without further ado, here are 34 (yes, you read that correctly) horror movies I found at Dollar Tree and my honest thoughts about them.
I think binging all 34 of these movies would’ve even made Kubrick throw his hands up and say, “Enough already!”
Spooky Steals
Don’t Grow Up: We were off to a strong start because this movie was an exception to the rule and wound up being a Shudder original. It also takes the concept of “parents just don’t understand” to the next level.
Video source: Unifrance
Coven: Much like Devil’s Diary, The Craft called, and it’s pissed. Really. I believe they took a copy of the script for The Craft and then pulled out a thesaurus to rewrite it. It’s like every Hot Topic employee consensually decided they all needed to kiss a little on every shift.
CW/TW: Homophobia (But lines like, “Well, if it isn’t Josie and the Pussylickers.”)
Video source: Movie Coverage
Chinese Speaking Vampires: You know it’s going to be a gem from the opening credits when multiple title cards end with ellipses, only to be followed up by another title card with 2-3 words and an exclamation mark. The opening sequence also looks like a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. I do wish the last couple of minutes were different, though, because it strays into a level of racism that the rest of the movie surprisingly doesn’t.
Video source: FullHDTrailer
Selfie Man (aka Selfie from Hell): Already gets props because it had the option for subtitles. Don’t let the name fool you, this movie is really bad. However, it’s bad in the sense of, “Oh my god, I have to show this to everyone I know so that they can also be in on the joke,” which is a W in my book.
Video source: IndustryWorks
Behind You: Call it Stockholm syndrome, but I enjoyed this movie. Idk if it was because it was the first one to have a plot I could actually follow or what, but this one ain’t too shabby, folks.
Video source: Vertical
A Night of Horror: Nightmare Radio: I finally found a sweet release in this one. I’m a sucker for horror anthologies. Nightmare Radio isn’t on par with V/H/S or the other horror anthologies we all love. However, it’s more than watchable. Also, there were a couple of stories in here that I thought were unique, and I’m just honestly glad to have found a little diamond in the rough. It also seems to potentially be the origin of a horror short I really enjoy.
CW/TW: Domestic violence and child death.
Video source: UCM.ONE #film
Soul Reaper: Okay, I’m giving this a soft yes because of the cold open. This actress appears to draw her inspiration from Desiree Gould’s performance in Sleepaway Camp (RIP), and I’m LIVING for it. It’s so silly, and I love that none of the actors seem to take it seriously.
Video source: 4DM Movie Trailers
Teeth and Blood: I really enjoyed this one. It has the camp of Bordello of Blood mixed with the likes of Def by Temptation, and really draws inspiration from Blaxploitation horror. My only complaint is that I feel like it drags a little in the third act.
Video source: RLJE Films
Tom Holland’s Twisted Tales: “FEARNet presents” — WOOF, I feel old. I can’t tell you the sheer panic I felt when I saw the run time of this…only to be pleasantly surprised when I discovered it was a webseries in full. This one is a real “who’s who” of cult horror, and “The Pizza Guy” episode is worth the watch alone.
Video source: RLJE FIlms
American Hangman: I love how we still give hackers septum rings to establish that they’re hackers. It’s almost like a mix of Saw and Halloween Resurrection. Donald Sutherland also acts his freakin’ heart out, a la Michael Caine in The Muppet Christmas Carol, and I respect the hell out of him for it. However, I was engaged the entire time, so I can’t knock it.
CW/TW: Child death but not shown.
Video source: Rapid Trailer
The Devil’s Restaurant (aka The Restaurant): Okay, I’ll give credit where credit’s due — there are lines in this movie that made me laugh out loud. It’s basically Waiting but with a demon/vampire entity. If you’re into movies like Glorious, I think you’ll enjoy it.
CW/TW: They say the “R” word, and I’ll never understand why we thought this was funny/why we said this to begin with.
Video source: Hayride Films
Toe Tags: HOW HAVE I GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT SEEING THIS? I was hooked from the very beginning. A pilot that was DOA? From 1996? Aka the most Baillee thing possible? This gem was in a movie 3-pack with The Devil’s Restaurant and How To Be A Serial Killer (which isn’t reviewed here because it’s a cult classic), and I can say this movie pack was a steal. Toe Tag is like a painfully 90s version of Psych, and I’m so sad it never took off.
*Of course, one of the best things I watched has no trailer or virtually any internet presence 🙁*
Mother Krampus: Now THIS is the kind of low-budget holiday horror I can get behind. Also, for my Dragula fans, I keep reading the name of this movie a la the way Kendra Onixx says “Mother Bitqch” in Titans.
Video source: New Trailer Buzz
Shark Night: Oh THANK GOD. This is another fluke and is actually a big-ish movie that includes a pre-Schitt’s Creek Dustin Milligan. This one’s FUN and has a lot of welcome and familiar faces. Just a warning that this is not just a horror movie, but a movie from 2011, period, so there are definitely some questionable things in here.
Video source: Movieclips
Evil Takes Root: This is another fun one! This is the only movie I’ve seen about the Batibat, and I think this is a really cool concept to dive into. I did want the Sheriff and Professor to kiss, though. Their sexual tension was palpable.
CW/TW: Dog death. Fortunately, it’s done completely off screen, and all we see is the bloody knife and an aerial shot of the scene, but you can’t make anything out.
Video source: Central City Media
The Night Sitter: This isn’t a Dread Central joint, but it’s really reminiscent of one. If you enjoy movies like Val, The Convent, or the Evil Dead series (the latter two obviously not being Dread Central films either), I think you’ll dig this one.
Video source: Roller Disco Massacre
The Rake: We love a good Christmas scare! Remember how I talked about making my friends watch bad moves? This is one we’d watch and have a good time with.
CW/TW: Infant death, and a body is shown.
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
Dollar Duds
Lake Fear: This movie has the most overstimulating opening music I’ve ever heard. There are also an obscene amount of weird, slo-mo shots of a girl’s butt for absolutely no reason. I also couldn’t give you a cohesive rundown of the “plot” if my life depended on it.
Video source: Horror Central
Dear Diary (aka Wake Up): There are weird anti-semitic and sexist pieces of dialogue for no reason? In the parts that have a storyline, it feels creepy and icky. No thanks.
CW/TW: SA, Familial SA, inc*s*, self-harm, and dog death/murder (shown on screen).
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
Scare BNB (aka Creep Nation): Every single second of this movie is so cringy and uncomfy. I don’t know if this was the intention, but it also comes across as Pro-Trump in the beginning, which is an immediate no; I won’t entertain the idea of him being correct nor will I support him in any way.
CW/TW: SA and stalking.
*I’m not promoting this one because of the weird Pro-Trump feel*
The Village in the Woods: When the aspect ratio on the menu is so wrong that it looks like a pixelated “fit to screen” desktop background, you know it’s going to be a ride. The gradient is akin to watching a movie through smudged glasses, and this is another one where the plot is Saran Wrap-thin.
Video source: BritFlicks
Scarecrow’s Revenge: The CGI is on par with those holographic Halloween decorations where it goes from a normal picture to a scary picture. Additionally, I feel like Pearl would have to change her underwear at the sight of this scare boi. I do want to note that judging by the footage in the credits, they had a BLAST filming this, and I think that’s all that matters.
Video source: Boxoffice | HORROR | Full Movies
The Unfamiliar: We start with a woman tied up as someone chants around her and black goo bubbles on the stove in a ceremony that Gwyneth Paltrow would probably charge $5,000 for. I also can’t tell you the last time I watched a movie that just STARTS. No context, no exposition, NADA.
Video source: Dark Matter Studios
The Haunting of Hythe House: BRB, spiraling that this is what I sound like when I give bad reviews. It tries to pull a Hell House LLC where it bounces around timelines, but it’s nowhere near as smooth.
CW/TW: Hanging/self-harm.
Video source: Horror Brains
The Haunting of Molly Bannister (aka Bannister DollHouse): The opening scene is VERY V/H/S. Unfortunately, this might be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
Video source: Movie Chunks
A Haunting in Texas (aka Silhouette): When I was in high school, I used to have an annual movie night for my birthday where we watched terrible horror movies. I also made my friends watch terrible horror movies year-round. This is ABSOLUTELY one I would’ve snagged from Blockbuster and made them watch. However, this is one that they would’ve been furious with me over, and I don’t understand the weird Skinamarink-esque scene. I GET IT, but it’s a choice.
Video source: BritFlicks
Doll House: Parts of this movie are giving big “Total Eclipse of the Heart” music video vibes. The synth background music is also bitchin’. Sadly, those were the only two pros for me.
Video source: BritFlicks
Dead Heading: This movie deserves a soapbox. Here goes. I have zero patience for people who work in a service industry and treat other people who work in the service industry poorly. You shouldn’t treat people who work in the service industry poorly PERIOD, but there’s a special place in hell for service industry people who treat other service industry people like garbage. Also, the cover is a total catfish.
Video source: MultiVisionnaire Pictures
The Devil’s Fairground (aka Anna 2): It’s ALMOST at the level of a SyFy original (which is definitely a compliment in my book), but it barely misses the mark. This is apparently a sequel, and to be fair, I haven’t seen the first film, so my rating might be different if I had.
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
The Unkindness of Ravens: I got tickled because the song on the DVD menu sounds like the song from TJ and Liz’s wedding in Gilmore Girls that Dave Allen sings. I absolutely respect the symbolism within this movie and how it represents the PTSD suffered by veterans. I think with some work, it could actually be wonderful.
Video source: New Trailer Buzz
House of Salem: I just don’t have a lot to say about this one. It’s almost like watching a British soap opera at times. Like other movies on this list, it’s SO CLOSE to being a cult classic, if they did a few rewrites. They have all of the ingredients, but the recipe isn’t quite right.
Video source: Wild Eye Releasing
Rites of Passage: Man, it was such a treat to see the trailer for the first V/H/S movie on this DVD. Unfortunately, that was the height of my viewing experience. I can’t get behind a bunch of white dudes writing a movie about indigenous culture and all of the other microaggressions against minorities in this movie.* This might be the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and I’m not exaggerating.
*I couldn’t find any information about any indigenous people being involved in this movie, so if there were, and I missed it, I apologize.
I also refuse to put the trailer for this movie in here.
Krampus: The Christmas Devil: I actually had high hopes for this one because the opening scene watches like the introduction to a YouTube video analysis. But alas, the first couple of minutes are the strongest of the film.
Video source: HorrorPreview
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