B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Dante’s Inferno content into the ol’ VCR. 

It will probably come as no surprise that I love Dante’s Inferno. It’s a weird little niche of content that I’ve always been enamored with and by. 

And, I don’t use the word “little” lightly. 

There are basically two movies I want to highlight…because that’s all I really have for you, along with two honorable mentions. 

So, I thought it could be fun (maybe not the best choice of words) to not only give you those two movies, but to also pull a little bit of an LCA and pair a movie with each ring from the Inferno. 

Yes, I’m serious. 

Now, I’m not here to make fun of anyone’s beliefs. I just think we’re allowed to discuss religion with humor. 

If you don’t like this concept and want to skip this piece, I think that’s more than fair! 

We’ll see you in the next one. 😊

I’m also not going to go in-depth on these rings. We’re going to stick to the keywords and go from there. 

Finally, we’re not playing by LCA rules here because this is a one-off. If movies are repeated here, just roll with it. 

Alrighty, I think that’s enough in the way of disclaimers. 

Without further ado, here is one of the wildest ideas I’ve ever had: 

Circle 1: Limbo as Perfect Days 

Okay, so hear me out. Perfect Days is about finding the beauty in life, but, on a certain level, it’s about being stuck…much like being in Limbo. I’m not aware of Hirayama’s (Koji Yakusho) baptismal status, but it ain’t looking good. 

Circle 2: Lust as Pretty in Pink 

I bet you’re really hoping the devil would “Try a Little Tenderness,” eh, Duckie (Jon Cryer)? Don’t worry, Blane (Andrew McCarthy) wound up embezzling from his company before he died, so he’s down here too. 

Circle 3: Gluttony as Eat Pray Love

You should’ve focused more on the praying part there, Liz (Julia Roberts). We understand you were just trying to rediscover yourself after the divorce, but you should’ve slowed down on sampling all of that local cuisine.* 

*Note: As someone who is in recovery from EDs and has been for years, please know that I would never joke about the way someone eats, and this is all in fun. 

Circle 4: Greed as Saltburn 

You just couldn’t be satisfied with your middle class upbringing, could you, Oliver (Barry Keoghan)? You just had to destroy the entire Catton family, didn’t you? Well, enjoy having a tongue that’s just too short to circle the drain for eternity, you greedy bastard. 

Circle 5: Anger as Gone Girl

Yeah, um, the devil works hard, but a scorned Amy Dunne (Rosemund Pike) works harder. However, the fact you made the devil look bad has landed you here. But don’t worry, we’re sure you’ll be running the place in no time. 

Circle 6: Heresy as High School Musical 

“Stick to the Status Quo,” they warned. However, some of you just couldn’t heed their advice. High School Musical 2 is actually a portrayal of the 6th circle of Hell where all of the kids are forced to serve the elite for the rest of eternity. That’s why Chad (Corbin Bleu) dances even though he says he doesn’t. 

In fact, the HSM franchise hits every single one of these levels at some point or another. And then they sing “We’re All In This Together” to brag about their sins. Kenneth Ortega, you have blood on your hands. 

Circle 7: Violence as Crank 

Chev (Jason Statham), you should’ve learned to keep those muscular little legs to yourself. Violence doesn’t get you anywhere, except the 7th circle of Hell. No, we don’t care that you had to keep your heart rate up. There weren’t any Zumba classes open?

Circle 8: Fraud as Catch Me If You Can 

Consider yourself caught, Frank (Leonardo DiCaprio). The irony is that Hell is actually worse off with Frank, as they have to constantly keep him from impersonating sinners from the other levels. 

Circle 9: Treachery as From Justin to Kelly 

Et tu, Alexa (Katherine Bailess)? Thou shalt NOT text our best friend’s (Kelly Clarkson) ex-boyfriends to come to Florida. Thou shalt also NOT kiss our best friend’s love interest (Justin Guarini) because we’re jelly. Thou shalt also NOT lie to our best friend about their love interest. We’re running out of thous, but, needless to say, you hit them all, sis. Have fun being BFFs with Judas. 

Dante’s Inferno Content 

• Dante’s Inferno (2007)* 
• Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic

Honorable Mentions

• What Dreams May Come 
• Se7en 

* Fun Fact: I ordered this on DVD from Netflix when I was in college, and I need to lie down