B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping what I think the General Mills Monsters are like IRL into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, so, I need to give all of you some context for this one. 

As you know, I have a Count Chocula tattoo. 

During the session when I got said Count Chocula tattoo, my artist, Lito, and I had a conversation about what we think Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry are like IRL. 

I loudly said, “Oh, Count Chocula FUCKS,” not knowing that another artist was walking by, and Lito and I still get a good laugh out of that story to this day. 

In my last session, we, once again, returned to the conversation about what we think some of the General Mills Monsters are like, and I realized that it was time that I not only shared some of my thoughts with you, but extended my thoughts to other General Mills Monsters. 

And don’t worry, I’m also writing another piece about the actual history of the General Mills Monsters, so this little goofy bit won’t be the last time they’re mentioned on B Movies. 

Lastly, I just want to give a disclaimer about how this is all in good fun. 

Alrighty, that should do us for introductions and disclaimers.

Without further ado, here’s what I think the General Mills Monsters are like IRL:

Count Chocula 

As I stated earlier, I think Count Chocula gets it. Count Chocula is one of those guys that you’re attracted to, but you just can’t put your finger on why. He’s not the guy you date, but he is the guy you stay in a situationship with for way longer than you should. He also loves Hoodie Allen and sends “hey, stranger” texts. 

Franken Berry 

Franken Berry is the Ken of the General Mills Monster world. He’s a sweet himbo that only wants to treat you right, even though there’s nothing going on behind those eyes. Franken Berry is the kind of guy who always holds the door open for you and can’t watch My Dog Skip without tearing up. He’s also not afraid to buy period products for whoever needs them. 

Boo Berry 

Boo Berry is the epitome of “I’m a nice guy.” He’s the random guy who will follow you on Instagram and then send you a DM talking about how beautiful your smile is. Boo Berry will also tell you how much better than your partner he is and get mad when you don’t respond. His fridge is full of Mountain Dew, and his pantry is full of Cheetos, but there’s not a single paper towel in the entire house. 

Carmella Creeper 

Carmella Creeper is the cool queer girl you wish you could be. She’s still on good terms with every single one of her exes, and she learned to DJ during the pandemic like Trixie Mattel. Carmella Creeper stays at the forefront of pop culture, and she always knows someone at the show that can get you backstage. Her favorite band is Bikini Kill. 

Frute Brute 

Frute Brute and Franken Berry are best friends. Frute Brute is a little more guarded than Franken Berry, but he’s a really great guy when you get to know him. He loves sports, but he can also quote Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Additionally, Frute Brute makes sure that everyone is included and has a zero tolerance for bullying. Boo Berry is both terrified and intimidated by him. 

Yummy Mummy 

Yummy Mummy is a drag artist and is vocal online about LGBTQIA+ issues. He works as a graphic designer by day, and his nail polish is never chipped. Yummy Mummy is hoping to one day make it to the Dragula stage, but he’ll take headlining local venues for now. He loves Twin Temple and Orville Peck.