B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping my childhood fears into the ol’ VCR. 

I already know I’m going to be dragged for some of the silly and specific things I was scared of as a kid. Listen. Imagine me exactly how I am now but a foot shorter and more scared of things. I’ve, at my core, always been a little eccentric, so just roll with it. 

That’s why names like Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers won’t appear on this list; to put it candidly, those bad boys didn’t scare me. No, no, friends. I was scared by the likes of a talking popsicle stick and voiceovers. Yes, you read that correctly. 

Now that we’re done revisiting my childhood, it’s time to confront my childhood demons. 

The puppets from the “Slime Time” episode of Angel 

Okay, listen. I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, Angel, you name it. No other episodes of a show ever bothered me as a kid… except for this one. I can even remember KP coming and sitting on the edge of my bed until I confessed the episode scared me. I was weird about dolls, but dummies like Slappy from Goosebumps or other “scary” puppets didn’t phase me. To be fair, Slappy also didn’t put children into comas by sucking out the life out of them, either.  

The letter of the day is J for “Jumping the Shark.” 

Zeke the Plumber 

I think we can all agree on this one. As an adult, I fully appreciate the “Zeke the Plumber” episode of Salute Your Shorts. It’s a wonderful little piece of 90s horror, and I watch it every October. However, as a little bb watching reruns on Nickelodeon, it scared the piss out of me. I’ll let the mask speak for itself. 

Eat your heart out, Tim Robinson. 

Stick Stickly 

In my defense, I used to have a weird thing about disembodied voices (coming from the girl who now listens to 10-13 hours of podcasts a week). I also had a weird thing about characters who had voices but didn’t move their mouths. Enter Stick Stickly. I wasn’t afraid of Stick for long, and I grew to love him very much (in fact, I’m pretty sure he’s made my tattoo list). 

For a popsicle stick, he sure is a big softy. 

The Virus from “The Tale of the Renegade Virus” episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

I think this is another one we can all agree on. 

1. The Virus was horrifying. 
2. The Virus attached weird chips into your hands. 
3. This is truly what 1994 writers thought technological advances would look like. 

I know I already showed all of you this monstrosity in my introductory horror piece, but I’m throwing it in once again to make my point. 

I bet this guy smells like blood and Mountain Dew Kickstart.