B Movies Blog

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January 2026

January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)

January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)

January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)

January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)

January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)

January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)

January 9 – Primate (Theaters)

January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)

January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)

January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)

January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)

January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)

January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)

January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)

January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)

January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)

January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)

January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)

February 2026

February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)

February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)

February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)

February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)

February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)

February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)

February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)

February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)

February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)

February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)

February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)

February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)

March 2026

March 5 – Ted (Peacock)

March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)

March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)

March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)

March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)

March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)

March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)

March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)

March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)

April 2026

April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)

April 8 – The Boys (Prime)

April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)

April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)

April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)

April 17 – Normal (Theaters)

May 2026

May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)

May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)

May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)

May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)

June 2026

June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)

June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)

July 2026

July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)

July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)

August 2026

August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)

August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)

August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)

September 2026

September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)

September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)

September 18 – Play House (Theaters)

September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)

October 2026

October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)

October 2 – Digger (Theaters)

October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)

October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)

October 23 – Remain (Theaters)

November 2026

November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)

December 2026

December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)

December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)

December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping my favorite teen dramas into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, if you haven’t learned anything else about me so far, I can guarantee you’ve learned that I love teen dramas. I have since I was a teen myself. 

I grew up watching Glee, Awkward., Degrassi: The Next Generation, the lot of them. 

Some are definitely better than others. In fact, some are even self-aware like The O.C. and Dawson’s Creek. 

I’ll even admit that I watched all of 13 Reasons Why, and I’ve seen most of Riverdale. I’m not proud, but it’s like what we’ve talked about over on the B Movies Channel. Riverdale provides a sort of escapism, and 13 Reasons Why basically shows everything you shouldn’t do as a screenwriter. 

Video source: Still Watching Netflix 

I digress. 

Teen dramas are great because you never know what you’re going to get. Additionally, they tackle all of our favorite after school special topics…sometimes with the subtlety and grace of a bull in a china shop. 

Or, y’know, a teenager addicted to caffeine pills that they’re equating with the seriousness of hardcore drug usage. 

I’ll shoot y’all straight. This was another TOUGH one. I had to limit myself to 10, because if I didn’t, we’d truly be here all day. 

The good news, you can expect dedicated pieces about several of the teen dramas on this list, much like the one I did on Sweet Valley High. 

Welcome to the B Movies Blog, bitch 

I hope you’re ready to cover everything from the famous Saved By The Bell anti-drug PSA to Manny’s thong. I know I am. 

Without further ado, here are 10 of my favorite teen shows that’ll make you happy you survived puberty: 

• Degrassi: The Next Generation
• Greek 
• The O.C. 
• Saved By The Bell 
• Dawson’s Creek 
• Veronica Mars
• My So-Called Life
• 90210 (the original)
• Sweet Valley High 
• Awkward.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the works of Lucille Ball into the ol’ VCR. 

I have a soft spot for comedic women in older media. Doris Day. Carol Burnett. The works. 

Am I saying none of the roles or sketches they took weren’t problematic? Absolutely not. Did they deal with a lot of sexism on sets? 100%. Were their lives off-screen sometimes controversial? Yup. 

I fully recognize all of this context, and I’m not here to defend it. 

As someone who has been writing on the internet for over 12 years, I just respect comedy when I see it and hear it. I even briefly did stand up. I loved it, but I let a couple of jerks get inside my head and never returned to the mic. That’s why I throw comedy into pieces here at the B Movies Blog. 

Mfw I start dissociating during a phone call 

Now, I do think Carol Burnett is on a different level, and she’ll get her own piece soon. But, I do think Carol and Lucy exist in similar spaces if that makes sense. I digress. 

I grew up on I Love Lucy reruns. I even have an I Love Lucy clock I thrifted hanging in my kitchen. If you don’t still laugh at the likes of the Vitameatavegimen commercial and conveyor belt episodes, I can’t relate. 

Additionally, if you’ve never seen the likes of The Long, Long Trailer or the original Yours, Mine and Ours, I have to insist you watch them immediately…particularly for the fake eyelash scene in the latter. 

I want to think Lucille Ball would work with the likes of Tina Fey if she were acting during modern times. I also think she would, y’know, actually get credit for producing and some of the other things she did. 

RIP Lucille Ball, and thank you for the comedy you gave us. 🖤

When you accidentally hit the reclining button on your movie seat and panic

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping creepy crawly horror movies into the ol’ VCR. 

I have a confession. When I was doing research for this piece, I found that my bug/insect/creepy crawly horror subgenre is a bit lacking. 

I’ve definitely seen my fair share, but it looks like I need to fill in some gaps, especially when it comes to older classics like Them and The Wasp Woman. 

Despite the holes in my creepy crawly resume, I think I’ve been able to Roundup (get it?) some good offerings. 

When your upstairs neighbor starts playing their electric guitar as you’re getting ready for bed 

From giant spiders to leech-like creatures, I have a variety of movies that will keep you swatting at the air and slapping at your legs long after the credits roll. 

So, here’s a glimpse into the criteria for today: 

If it crawls, it counts. 

If it slithers, it counts. 

If it’s an insect or arachnid, it counts. 

If the creepy crawly isn’t the main character, but they have a memorable scene, it counts. 

Without further ado, I present to you seven creepy crawly horror movies to get under your skin. 

Arachnophobia: Jeff Daniels is a babe in this movie, and I said what I said. 

Eight-Legged Freaks: Someone please let Matt Czurchy play the good guy. 

Slither: I still have the DVD copy of this movie that I borrowed from my brother-in-law over 18 years ago. Sorry, Matt. 

The Fly (1986): I can’t even tell you how many images Google blocked when I was looking for photos for this piece. 

The Mist: If this movie was set in 2024, Mrs. Carmody would blame all of these events on vaccines and would win a Senate seat. 

The Deadly Spawn: And that’s why potlucks should be illegal. 

Creepshow: I will always feel the need to shower after “They’re Creeping Up On You!”

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Molly Manning Walker’s How to Have Sex into the ol’ VCR. 

CW/TW: r*pe, SA, attempted SA/r*pe, and everything similar 

There also won’t be pictures in this one because it doesn’t feel right 

I knew that I would enjoy How to Have Sex, but I was shocked to discover how much it blew me away. 

I had no intention of writing a full piece about it. In fact, I chalked it up as another entry in my Movie a Day Challenge for 2024, and planned to keep it at that. 

But, I have to write about this movie.  

How to Have Sex focuses on Tara (Mia McKenna-Bruce) and her friends, Skye (Lara Peake) and Em (Enva Lewis), as they plan to party their way through a summer trip. The trio meets Paddy (Samuel Bottomley), Badger (Shaun Thomas), and Paige (Laura Ambler), another group in the room next door, and the groups become inseparable throughout the trip. However, Tara’s coming-of-age story isn’t as innocent as it should be. 

How to Have Sex perfectly encapsulates the carelessness of youth paired with the deep-rooted and supreme insecurity you experience in adolescence. 

This movie perfectly depicts the insurmountable peer pressures we’ve all faced, and, more importantly, draws attention to the toxic best friend. The Jennifer Check-esque friend most of us had growing up who is so deeply insecure that they sniff out your insecurities and choose to bring you down. 

They flirt with the people you like. They make fun of you and claim they’re only kidding. They strive to pound your insecurity into nothingness to make themselves feel better, if only for a fleeting moment. 

Not speaking from experience or anything. I digress. 

Tara doesn’t realize how great she is. She’s cute and funny, and she needs to learn how to grow outside of her built-in friend group. At one point in the film, Tara is taken in by another friend group who appears to be a little older. 

They take care of her, and it’s clear that she has more fun with them in the few hours they spend together than she does with her own friend group. You can tell that Tara is starting to learn that it’s time to let go and move on from her existing friend group, but she isn’t quite ready yet. 

Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about Tara’s rapes. 

If you suspect the next few paragraphs might be triggering for you, I more than understand. Additionally, the next few paragraphs will contain spoilers. For these purposes, I’ve inserted a page jump, so click here to jump down or skip to the paragraph starting with Throughout the film…

I assumed from the trailer that something bad was going to happen to Tara, and, unfortunately, I was right. 

Paddy winds up getting Tara alone and pressures her into having sex. Tara does say “yes” to Paddy taking off her swimsuit bottoms, but it’s extremely obvious that she isn’t comfortable. 

And, friends, that’s rape. I don’t know how else to say it. He gets this girl alone, isolates her from her friends, is much bigger than her, throws her around, and then rapes her. 

Point blank. 

Tara is ashamed to tell her friends because she was eager to lose her virginity, but it’s clear she didn’t want things to happen in the way they did. 

Molly Manning Walker makes it clear. From Tara’s grimacing to her hand grasping the sand for comfort, this poor girl didn’t want to have sex with this guy. 

Afterward, he treats her like absolute shit. But, unfortunately, things don’t end there. 

Now, I’m going to be very honest. I’m a little unclear about this one plot point, but from everything I’ve read, my interpretation is correct. 

Later in the trip, Paddy rapes Tara again while she’s asleep. 

After he tells Tara about it, Paddy then tries to have sex with Tara for a third time, as she begs him to stop. Fortunately, Badger and Skye walk in and unknowingly save her. 

Towards the end of the movie, Tara tells Em about Paddy, and Em tells Tara she should have said something. Yes, Em is eventually comforting, but telling a friend they should’ve said something because you didn’t pick up on what was happening is so fucking unfair. 

Throughout the film, it’s clear that Badger and Tara like each other. Skye, of course, can’t handle this, and she tries to embarrass Tara at every turn, including telling Badger that Tara is a virgin. 

I would like to take the opportunity to insert a personal anecdote here. When I was 14 and a freshman in high school, I liked a boy who liked me back. This boy suddenly became distant and weird and eventually dated another girl. I found out months later from my “best friend” that this boy had asked her if I liked him because he planned to ask me out. 

My “best friend” said no because she didn’t want me to have a boyfriend before her. Should this boy have come to be directly? Absolutely. But, my “friend” had absolutely no right to intervene in the way she did, especially out of jealousy and insecurity. 

And, yes, she deadass told me the reason she lied and said I didn’t like him was because she didn’t want me to be the first one with a boyfriend. I swear on KP’s ashes. 

We’re obviously no longer friends, and seeing her life trajectory, I feel sorry for her. It’s clear those insecurities never left, and I pity her. 

Moving on. 

Skye also pressured Tara to have sex with Paddy to begin with. I don’t believe this is because Skye knew what Paddy was going to do, but I do think it’s because Skye knew he was an asshole while it’s clear Badger is a good guy. Or, at the very least, that Badger cares about Tara. 

I also think Badger knew, to a degree, what Paddy did. I think that’s why Badger explains his history with Paddy and tells Tara that Paddy is a “nightmare of a guy.” I do believe Badger liked Tara, as is evidenced from the night he takes care of her, and how Badger seems to rebuff all of Skye’s advances, much to her chagrin. 

Skye continues to belittle Tara throughout the film because it’s clear Tara’s great. Tara just doesn’t know yet and doesn’t feel that she is. 

How to Have Sex is incredible. It’s a coming-of-age story, but it’s also so much more than that. It’s a story about SA/r*pe and the expectations women, in this case, girls, face when it comes to sex. It’s about finding yourself and where you belong. It’s about realizing that you’re so much more than your high school self. It’s about learning that some friends will never have your well-being in mind. 

In my opinion, it’s one of the most relatable coming-of-age stories I’ve seen in a long time. Fortunately, I’ve never been r*ped, so I can’t speak to how victims are portrayed, but I can speak to the other parts of the film. And, for those, I can say it’s accurate. 

If it isn’t triggering for you, I would highly recommend catching this one during its theatrical release. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Valentine’s Day horror into the ol’ VCR. 

Friends, it’s that wonderful time of the year where love is in the air…along with blood and body parts. 

Like with many of the horror subgenres, there aren’t a TON of Valentine’s Day horror movies, but the ones that do exist are some heavy hitters. 

Sure, you have movies like The Love Witch and Bride of Chucky that have love as a focal point, but we’re going to hone in on the movies with a Valentine’s Day setting. 

With this criteria in mind, I’m here today with three full-length films and one segment as offerings. 

I’m sure you can already guess one, and yes, I’m choosing the original over the remake. The remake does have a special place in my heart because it’s in 3D and also just goofy, but you can’t beat the original. 

Without any further ado, let’s dive into some Valentine’s Day horror. 

She’s everything. 

My Bloody Valentine (1981) 

We’re starting strong. The original My Bloody Valentine is a true classic. Hearts in chocolate boxes? Corpses in washing machines? Bitchin’ outfits? This movie has everything. 

Now, the 2009 version isn’t unwatchable by any means; it’s a real who’s who of the 2000s, and the 3D aspect is fun. But, when given the choice, I’ll choose the original every time. 

The “Valentine’s Day” segment from Holidays 

We’ve talked about this before, but I love Holidays. Some segments are stronger than others, and the “Valentine’s Day” segment is definitely one of the stronger ones. In fact, I’d watch an entire feature film adaptation. 

I don’t remember this episode of The O.C. 

My Valentine 

Man, I miss Blumhouse’s Into the Dark series so much. I was downright giddy to see what the movie of the month would be. And My Valentine is definitely one of my favorites. It’s like if Scott Pilgrim vs. The World was a horror movie, and I love every single second of it. 

Valentine 

This movie has more plot holes than the kids at Camp Green Lake could ever dig, but it’s just so bad in the best way. They basically cast some of the hottest actors of the early 2000s and then asked questions later. I don’t rewatch this one as often as I should, but when I do, I always have a good time.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping songs I’d love to see as horror movies into the ol’ VCR. 

Fair warning, this is going to be one of those pieces where you question how my brain works. Just roll with it. 

The other day, I was listening to my country playlist (aptly named “Yee-Haw and Howdy To Ya”) when an idea struck me. 

When you really listen to country lyrics, there are a lot of horror elements woven throughout. Ghost stories, obsession, murder, you name it. 

I started thinking about which songs would make great horror movies, and the rest is history. 

I decided to start us off with four songs today and potentially come back to this series if/when I have more ideas.

Let’s be honest, we all know I’ll probably do this again. 

However, to get us started, I’ve selected four songs that I think would be perfect candidates for the horror movie treatment. 

“Jolene” by Dolly Parton 

Okay, picture it. Jolene wakes up in a basement.  She has no recollection of how she got there and only a fuzzy recollection from a bar the night before. Jolene has been seeing someone, and he claims his relationship is on the rocks. Sure, she’s heard this before, but she thinks he really means it. Jolene slowly starts putting the pieces together as her captor walks down the stairs. It turns out Jolene’s lover’s relationship isn’t as rocky as she thought, and her lover’s partner is willing to do anything to keep her man. 

Book Samara Weaving for this STAT. 

“Mama’s Broken Heart” by Miranda Lambert 

After being left heartbroken and alone, Miranda decides to rebel against her prim and proper upbringing and get revenge on her ex-lover. All while raising a little hell and cutting her bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors. I’m thinking of a Grindhouse-style gore fest mixed with some Diablo Cody wit for this one. 

“Lovefool” by The Cardigans 

All Nina ever wanted was to be loved. However, one failed relationship has led to another, and she’s found herself at her wits’ end. Nina finally meets Peter and is immediately smitten until a miscommunication causes Nina to snap. She wants Peter to love her, love her…at any cost. I see this one as a horror comedy a la Radio Silence. 

“The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” by Reba McEntire*

Reba’s brother, Seth, was charged for murder and given a death sentence. Ten years after his sentence was carried out, it seems Seth might not be gone as everyone involved with his case is winding up dead. Reba’s also carrying a secret that could shake the town to its very core. Think an 80s slasher meets The Town That Dreaded Sundown. 

*I know this is a cover, but it’s the version I always think of. 

No one does god awful “old” makeup like the 90s.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping evil children into the ol’ VCR. 

Listen, I love kids. I would love to adopt children at some point. 

The catch is, I also watch a LOT of horror movies. And, uh, horror really likes to throw some evil children into the mix. 

Be them possessed, zombies, or deranged, horror sure does love to play with the already terrifying position of parenthood. 

I’m not sure if it’s because kids can be inherently creepy because they’re tiny adults, or what, but we truly like to make children as horrifying as humanly possible. 

Also, what better way to celebrate the month of love than to talk about horror movies with unsettling children? I can’t think of one. 

Okay, I’m out of ways to describe terrifying toddlers (okay, now I’m ACTUALLY out), so let’s get to the list, shall we?

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite horror movies with creepy children: 

• Cooties 
• Little Monsters
• Run Rabbit Run 
• Village of the Damned 
• Children of the Corn 
• The Babadook
• Pet Sematary
• The Good Son
• The Omen 

Honorable Mention

I almost stuck Orphan on the main list, but given the Esther of it all, I decided it should be our honorable mention instead. I love both installments in the Orphan franchise(?), and I can’t wait to see what the third one has in store.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping zombie love movies into the ol’ VCR. 

OKAY, I HEAR YOU. 

I know I made a big deal about covering zombies last month, how much I hated them, blah blah blah. 

I know. 

BUT HEAR ME OUT. 

It’s February. We’re days away from Valentine’s Day. My hands are tied here. 

There are a lot of cliches around love. Undying love. Sayings like, “I’ll love you forever,” and, “If I become part of the horde of the undead, I’ll still love you.” Y’know, the usual. 

Zombies tend to be the vessel for horror love stories because of the idea that love is unending. And, if you can’t die, neither can your love…unless you destroy its brain. 

Before this decays into me stringing together a lengthy list of zombie puns, I think it’s time to bury the intro and get to the list. 

Without further ado, here are four zombie love movies to watch this month: 

The blackheads on my nose after years of using Biore strips. 

Return of the Living Dead 3: I get why Julie Cooper left Riverside now. 

Warm Bodies: We’re not going to discuss how long it took me to realize this was just a zombified version of Romeo and Juliet. 

Life After Beth: I guess this makes Aubrey Plaza DIEsexual. Yeah, I’ll leave. 

My Boyfriend’s Back: I’ll never forget the first time I tried to watch this as a kid, and KP said, “Baillee, if he’s going to keep eating people we’re going to have to turn the channel. I have to draw the line somewhere.” 

When he eats human flesh, but he’s 6 ‘3’’.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping my favorite love songs into the ol’ VCR. 

This may come as quite the show, but I love Valentine’s Day. I love the treats. I have a sweater with Conversation Heart buttons. I made a dedicated playlist. You get the idea. 

With that being said, I absolutely have my favorite love songs. I’ve never been in love myself, but, boy howdy, do I love a good love song. 

The month of ❤️l o v e❤️ is upon us, so I figured it would be more than appropriate to share some of my favorite love songs with all of you. 

I have to be honest — this was a LOT harder than I thought it would be. That’s why I limited myself to 20. I have a giant playlist, and I had to draw the line somewhere. 

Before I drop my list, I wanted to give all of you a cheesy little Valentine’s message: 

At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is about love, be it romantic, platonic, familial, or self. Don’t be afraid to treat yourself or dress up for no reason. Do something you love. Don’t worry about whether or not you’re in a relationship. I let myself get so wrapped up in the logistics when I was younger, and I wish I hadn’t. 

Whether you want to celebrate or not, I hope you do something nice for yourself this February 14th. 

Without further ado, in no particular order, here are 20 of my favorite love songs: 

• “In Spite of Ourselves” by Iris DeMent and John Prine
• “Redundant” by Green Day 
• “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star (If I ever get married, I plan to walk down the aisle to a string arrangement of this song) 
• “Oh Yoko!” by John Lennon
• “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper 
• Sturgill Simpson’s cover of “The Promise” (I think this might actually be one of my favorite songs of all time) 
• “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers
• She & Him’s cover of “You Really Got a Hold on Me”  
• “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak 
• “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon 
• “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley 
• “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys 
• “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure 
• “The Book of Love” by The Magnetic Fields 
• “Wild Horses” by The Rolling Stones 
• “Fix You” by Coldplay 
• “I Want to Be Your Boyfriend” by Ramones 
• Ramones’ cover of “Baby, I Love You” 
• “Don’t Let Go” by Weezer
• Steve Martin & Bernadette Peters’ cover of “Tonight You Belong to Me” 

P.S. I know some of these could be considered anti-love songs, but just roll with it.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Clown’s Welcome Home ARG into the ol’ VCR. 

Quick Jump:

1. Updates – 2023
2. October 2023 UPDATES 
3. January 2024 UPDATES 
4. March 2024 UPDATES

Hello, movie mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies blog. Today, we’re popping Clown’s Welcome Home ARG into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, friends, I’m so excited about this one. If you don’t know by now, your girl loves a good horror ARG, and it seems this one is only just beginning. 👀

Clown has started weaving us a wonderful little yarn about a forgotten children’s puppet show from the 70s called Welcome Home. Welcome Home appears to include a cavalcade of charismatic characters who live within a neighborhood, Sesame Street-style. The show is believed to have aired for around four years and spawned countless pieces of merchandise including children’s books, records, and toys. 

Now, if you’re new to the world of horror ARGs, you might be wondering why/how a forgotten children’s show is terrifying. Well, newcomers, as with other horror ARGs, there’s something sinister lurking just beneath the surface. 

At first look, the Welcome Home website seems like an inviting hub for those interested in lost content. However, upon closer inspection, things are simply off. 

For example, letters have a pesky habit of wandering away from their correct placement. 

There are several letters across the site like the one above, meaning we’ll eventually find some sort of password protected page or content we’ll use them on later.

Next, let’s check out the About Us section of the website. Pretty standard, right? 

Yup, everything seems to be in order here. 

And then we start highlighting the text. 

Okay, so, color me crazy, but I don’t think Welcome Home is the warm and fuzzy (both literally and figuratively) wonderland we’re initially led to believe. There’s obviously a reason its creators (and I use that term hesitantly) wanted to remove Welcome Home from public consciousness, and I can’t wait to find out why. 

There are other secrets lurking within the Welcome Home website, but I don’t want to spoil all the fun. My hints are to pay close attention to Home, read all of the character descriptions carefully, and to visit the guestbook (particularly the last page). And remember, sometimes things are hidden in plain sight. 

Note: The hidden portion of the neighborhood contains flashing lights/imagery and is a little disturbing (kind of?), so CW/TW. 

Imagine seeing this on your Ring. I’d pee my pants. 

While I’m just as excited as you are about this emerging ARG, I want to call attention to a recent Tumblr post from Clown. They are very appreciative about the attention Welcome Home has started to receive, but they aren’t used to the kind of attention they’ve been receiving, and it’s been a major change. 

Please respect all of their outlined wishes from this post, support them as they ask, and don’t berate them with questions about Welcome Home. They’ve been kind enough to share this amazing world with us, so return that same kindness and patiently wait for new story updates. Based on what we’ve seen so far, I can assure you that it’ll be worth the wait. 

The amount of detail on the Welcome Home website is truly incredible. I can’t imagine how much time and love has gone into this project, and Clown is extremely talented. 

Like c’mon! This is awesome beyond words. 

However, this is also a friendly reminder that content creators are human beings. Clown chose to share this painstakingly perfect world with us, but they don’t “owe” us content simply because we want more pieces of the story. 

Sure, I’m downright giddy about this ARG, but we need to let Clown update us and/or the site when THEY’RE ready. This is one of the best lost media ARGs I’ve ever seen, and we only have a website thus far. Think about that! 

Before I go, I do want to hit you with one quick theory. Go through the entire website first. I’ll wait. 

All done? Great! 

Based on some of the clues within the site, I think Welcome Home comes with a double-meaning. As we found in the hidden “So Below” portion of the website, Wally seems to worship Home. I think Welcome Home is actually referencing whatever supernatural/paranormal entity Home represents, so it’s more like Welcome, Home. I also think the puppets are a mix of demons/evil entities and people who have been trapped in this felt hellscape, but that’s a whole other theory for a whole other day. 

Clown, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful creation with the world, and I can’t wait to see how this story continues to unr^avel. 

P.S. If you’re a video breakdown girlie like me, Night Mind does a great job with this series. 

UPDATES 

Hello, friends! As promised, I’m revisiting the ARGs I’ve previously covered and including major updates as we receive them. And, gang, Welcome Home is BACK. 

First and foremost, we have creepy phone recordings. The ever-ambiguous Question Answerer helped to restore the “It’s-For-You!” Marlo brand talking telephone as well as some records (which I don’t believe we have access to) for The Playfellow Exhibition.

Each button corresponds to a different neighbor, with the exception of Wally, whose button we learn is currently under repair. 

Secondly, we have some new audio clips from an interview with Barnaby and Wally to the audio from a few unidentified episodes. There’s a little distortion within the audio, particularly in the “Just So” Song Demo. Wally also seems to be kind of a little possessed throughout this audio, and it’s clear there’s something bigger going on, like, idk, Wally is probably some sort of vessel for Home?

Next, we have some new uncovered merchandise. I can’t even describe how talented Clown is, my god. All of these items are so carefully created, and I can’t imagine how much time Clown has spent creating all of these fun little pieces. However, I want to call special attention to the records. 

Although the team is still attempting to recover the records, you can listen to a clip that sounds truly frightening. I’m not skilled enough to play it backwards, but if anyone finds a message within it, I wouldn’t be surprised. 

I saved the biggest update for last. Throughout the Welcome Home website, you’ll see little drawings and characters appear. While some of them aren’t clickable, others are. The ones that are clickable contain video and music files from what appear to be Wally’s POV, and boy howdy, is there something wrong with our boy. 

From talking about his black eyes to asking us why we’re so “still,” it’s clear that there’s something truly malevolent lurking behind Home’s front door. 

You probably already know what I’m going to say here, but Baz has a video where he goes through many of these updates as well, and you should check out this video and subscribe to his channel. 

I’ll keep you posted as updates are released, neighbor. 

October 2023 UPDATES 

While I don’t have many updates for you, I did want to share some new things from the Welcome Home site! 

First and foremost, all of our favorite characters have been given spooky makeovers, with Wally Darling being The Devil (foreshadowing?) and Home donning a witch’s hat (again, foreshadowing?). 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Secondly the Welcome Home Restoration Project seems to have found some creepy objects, just in time for Halloween. These products include a truly terrifying Wally Darling costume, The Official Welcome Home Cookbook, and the “Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours!” Storybook Record. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

All three finds, as usual, have been painstakingly crafted. However, I want to draw your attention to the record and its transcript. The record starts off innocently enough. Think of the silly and (not so) scary stories Elmo and friends would tell on a Sesame Street Halloween special. Things take a turn when Sally becomes annoyed by all of the tame stories and begins to weave one of her own…or is it?

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Sally asks all of the neighbors if they know why they have to stay in at night. Met with pure replies, Sally continues onward. She begins to talk about creatures that come from the woods when suddenly, the record begins to skip. When the sound resumes, Sally claims that the entities from the woods casually search for PEOPLE TO EAT, explaining why the neighborhood is so small. 

Sally’s horrifying story chronicles how these creatures sometimes can’t be satiated, and you can hear everything from crawling outside your house to guttural screams and wails that might be within the walls…Somehow, I don’t think Sally is telling a fictional story. The weirdest part is, the restoration committee claims that the audio we hear shouldn’t be available, and the transcript also excludes it. 

The other interesting part of this record lies within the transcript. You see, if you click the little bug animation to the right, you’re taken to another video from Wally’s POV. This one is more troubling than ones we’ve seen in the past, though.

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

From the video switching to a negative filter, and including audio and video disruptions, I believe that a) we’re finally seeing evidence that Wally is possessed and/or is being influenced by some evil force, and b) we gain a bit more insight into how Wally eats, or potentially, how the shadow creature residing within him does. And, as many of us have guessed, it appears to be through some telekinetic/telepathic force. 

So, uh, yeah, it’s just another beautiful day in the neighborhood, folks. 

I also can’t tell whether or not I’m crazy about something, but I wanted to include it just in case I’m not. Have these woods always been here, or did they just appear with the October updates? Lmk. I can’t seem to click on them or anything yet, but I could swear they’re a new edition to the neighborhood. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Okay, friends, we’ll leave it here for now. Those are the big updates I noticed, and I haven’t seen much content around the changes, so I might be missing things. Oh well. I’m still the most, as Wally would say. 

January 2024 UPDATES 

Hello, friends! Long time, no talk. But never fear. I’m back today with some Welcome Home updates for you. 👀

Let’s start with an update I’m not 100% on. I could have absolutely missed this in the beginning, but were there always eyes in the paisley background of the webpage and on the rock Wally is sitting atop on the Welcome Home webpage? 

I compared it to the rock from the October updates, and I didn’t see the eye (get it?), but I’m not totally sure it hasn’t been there before. Here are a couple of pics, so you can understand what I mean: 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Pretty interesting, right?

Next up, we have an obvious/not obvious update. When you navigate over to The Playfellow Exhibition tab, you’ll notice things are a bit topsy-turvy. Here’s where I may need your help. I’m a problem solver by nature, and I like to think I’m tech savvy. Is there a way to flip the text that I’m missing? I feel like I’m missing something. Let me know, team. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

And finally, let’s get to the little buggy boys. 

Scattered throughout the site, there are little, clickable bugs and doodles. The bugs reveal some brand new videos from Wally’s POV like the ones we’ve seen before in the October updates, and the doodle reveals some interesting audio clips. 

Now, I don’t want to spoil all of the fun for you, but I’m going to point out some of the bugs and doodles I would pay close attention to. 

Don’t graze over the flowers at the bottom of the About Us page. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

I also would absolutely click on the flower on the Stickers page as well. It’s worth noting that the Stickers page seems to be in disarray while spelling out the message “OK,” too. 👀

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Check out the doodle at the bottom of The Playfellow Exhibition page. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Click the doodle on the About Us page. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

And finally, click on the doodle on the Guestbook page. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

When it comes to the buggy boys, I would definitely pay attention to the one on the Neighborhood page the most. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Listen carefully to what Frank says at the beginning. That’s all I’ll say. I also believe some of this content spells out “I Will Find Answer,” which I think is a reference to the Question-Answerer. There are also some letters attached to the links of others, but I personally wasn’t able to spell anything out. 

The last thing I want to touch on is something I already mentioned in passing. On the Stickers page, there’s a giant “OK,” right? 

This is a recurring theme throughout the site right now. You can see it in the screenshot for The Playfellow Exhibition page I took as well. Someone is typing out directions…and another person is responding. 

I think Wally is getting stronger, y’all. 

And he’s keeping his eyes on this page, just like we will be. 

March 2024 UPDATES

Boy, oh boy, do we have some updates. 

First and foremost, I apologize, friends. These updates happened last month, but ya girl didn’t realize the website URL had changed. I’ve updated the main landing page across our piece, so it should be all fixed now. 

But, honestly, these updates were worth the wait. 

The biggest thing to notice on this Welcome Home page is that it’s been…tidied up. Gone are the ink splotches and a lot of the previously recorded secret messages and videos. 

The background seems to be zoomed in and…pulsating?

There are doodles scattered around the site, but they seem a lot neater and aren’t clickable…at least for now. 

Someone, or something, has made sure that we’re no longer able to see through the cracks. 

There are two big things I want to call out, but there’s an overarching theme: Homewarming. 

Homewarming appears to be the winter holiday celebrated in the Neighborhood and seems to be their version of Christmas. 

In the News section, we receive a letter from the Restoration Committee that’s dated for December 25, 2023. However, in a follow-up post, we learn that whoever wrote the previous post apparently lost time from December 2023 to March 2024, and we’re told the Homewarming post is a mistake. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

The “accidental” post is exceptionally helpful, though. It outlines some of the new content you can find across the site and confirms what I previously mentioned. This site HAS been cleaned up…and all of these changes were intentional. 

The merchandise updates are truly delightful. I can’t begin to explain how much care and work went into these. They look like they were ripped directly out of a catalog and cookbook from the 70s. Sure, there are recipes for peppermint hot dogs and a gelatin mold with an entire cup of hot cocoa inside. But, suspend your belief, friends. 

The biggest and most important update doesn’t come from the actual website proper, though. It comes from a different source. 

One of the members of the Restoration Committee has gone rogue and is making it their mission to actually portray what’s going on behind the scenes. And it’s here that we find one of the biggest updates we’ve received so far. 

Yes, friends, Away from Prying Eyes contains both a 22 minute long video and 4 minute phone call from Wally Darling. 

Let’s start with the phone call. Remember how Wally’s button audio isn’t available? Well, it apparently…isn’t. At least not in the way it’s been portrayed. 

This audio isn’t consistent, and, sometimes, the phone rings on its own, which is the case here. Our rogue poster, or “W,” according to their sign off, managed to record the audio this time. 

For the most part, it’s normal Wally banter. But, Wally sings one of the songs advertised on the Homewarming album called “Toyland.” Apparently, “once you pass its [Toyland] borders, you can never return again.” Keep this in mind. 

Image source: Clown Illustration – Welcome Home

Now, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this update — the commercials.  

As someone whose family heirloom is the circa 1985 CBS Halloween lineup, I can’t tell you how truly heartwarming it was to see commercials like the ones in this video. To say all of the animation and mediums utilized here are impressive would be an understatement. 

I don’t want to spoil the video for you because it deserves the watch. Don’t worry! I’ll still give you some of my takeaways: 

• I think the song “Who’s Kid Is This?” is a reference to the world of Welcome Home being infiltrated/confirmed that this is a real universe 
• I believe the sleep aid commercial is very telling, and I think it alludes to Eddie’s state at the end of the special. Think about how the commercials of WandaVision were plot devices. 
• We can infer that Eddie has passed the borders of Toyland and may not be returning. He’s noticeably absent in the Homewarming merch. 
• Frank may have also seen a crack in the realities of the Neighborhood. 

Yeah, it’s a LOT to take in. 

I know I say this every single time, but Welcome Home continues to exceed my expectations. Clown, and anyone else who works on this, has immense talent. This video is so impressive and so are all of these site updates. 

Now that I actually know the correct link I’ll update all of you as soon as I have more info. 

Until then, wave high, neighbor.