B Movies Blog

Note: Check back for updates as new content is announced!

January 2026

January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)

January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)

January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)

January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)

January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)

January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)

January 9 – Primate (Theaters)

January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)

January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)

January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)

January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)

January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)

January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)

January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)

January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)

January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)

January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)

January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)

February 2026

February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)

February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)

February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)

February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)

February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)

February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)

February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)

February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)

February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)

February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)

February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)

February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)

March 2026

March 5 – Ted (Peacock)

March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)

March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)

March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)

March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)

March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)

March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)

March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)

March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)

April 2026

April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)

April 8 – The Boys (Prime)

April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)

April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)

April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)

April 17 – Normal (Theaters)

May 2026

May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)

May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)

May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)

May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)

June 2026

June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)

June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)

July 2026

July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)

July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)

August 2026

August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)

August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)

August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)

September 2026

September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)

September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)

September 18 – Play House (Theaters)

September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)

October 2026

October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)

October 2 – Digger (Theaters)

October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)

October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)

October 23 – Remain (Theaters)

November 2026

November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)

December 2026

December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)

December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)

December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies blog. Today, we’re popping my favorite film adaptations of A Christmas Carol into the ol’ VCR. 

We all know the story behind A Christmas Carol. 

A rich a-hole gets visited by ghosts that essentially say, “Bro, stop,” and he awakes on Christmas morning as a new man. 

P.S. Ghosts, if you’re looking for some new blood, I can definitely give you names of some peeps who need to be haunted 👀

I digress. 

Dickens was paid by the word, and no offense to those who prefer the novel, but I think it’s a rare exception where the film adaptations help keep Dickens in check. 

There are countless adaptations of A Christmas Carol, from traditional adaptations to modern interpretations, making it hard to choose which ones you should watch. 

That’s where I come in. 

I’ve seen more than my fair share of adaptations over the years, including a fabulous one from last year, and I definitely have opinions. I’ll be the first to admit that some of these aren’t cinematic gold, but they’re fun, and movies don’t always need a deeper meaning. 

Now that you’re in the spirit, here are my top five adaptations of A Christmas Carol: 

• Spirited 
• Scrooge (1970) 
• Christmas Cupid 
• A Carol Christmas 
• The Muppet Christmas Carol 

Bah Humblog.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping another edition of Lights, Camera, Albums into the ol’ VCR. 

In today’s edition of Lights, Camera, Albums, we’re going to cover an artist I’ve loved since her Disney Channel days, Miley Cyrus. Specifically, we’re going to cover Miley’s most recent album, Endless Summer Vacation. 

And don’t worry, I already have plans to cover both Bangerz and Plastic Hearts, so this won’t be the last time we hear (literally) from Miley. 

If you’ve missed the other Lights, Camera, Albums, I got you. We’ve done pieces for both Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo, so you can get an idea of what you’re in for. 

Without further ado, let’s dive into today’s Lights, Camera, Albums. 

“Flowers”/”Flowers” (Demo) – The First Wives Club

This was an easy pairing for me. The First Wives Club chronicles the journey of three women (Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, and Goldie Hawn) who come together after the tragic death of their other college best friend (Stockard Channing). Throughout the movie, they regain their independence and begin to rebuild their lives after being left by their husbands. I see “Flowers” being sung from Annie’s (Diane Keaton) perspective because she has the biggest character growth. 

“Jaded” – The Holiday

The Holiday is one of my favorite rom coms of all time. I watch it multiple times throughout the holiday season. As I was listening to and studying the lyrics of “Jaded,” I couldn’t help but think about Iris (Kate Winslet) and Jasper’s (Rufus Sewell) relationship. It’s obvious how amazing Iris is and how poor Jasper treats her, including letting her be blindsided by his engagement. When Iris finally understands her worth, she kicks Jasper to the curb. Jasper had a wonderful woman in front of him, and he completely screwed it up. She “could’ve taken [him] places.” 

“Rose Colored Lenses” – The Great Gatsby (2013) 

I know that living in excess is part of the 20s, but I chose to focus on Baz Luhrman’s The Great Gatsby because no one does excess like Baz. I digress. Daisy and Gatsby know on a practical level that their love won’t last, but they’re going to keep the “Rose Colored Lenses” for as long as possible. 

Man, what a Promising Young Woman. 

“Used To Be Young” – Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood 

I can’t think of a better representation of “Used To Be Young” than Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The entire story is told in flashbacks from when the Ya-Yas (Ellen Burstyn, Fionnula Flanagan, Shirley Knight, and Maggie Smith) were young, and it shows them as they move from carefree young women to mothers while not hiding all of the struggles along the way. 

“Thousand Miles (feat. Brandi Carlile)” – Burlesque 

Christina Aguilera’s Ali seems to have had a difficult past but is trying to create a solid foundation for her future. She falls for Cam Gigandet’s Jack, gets a gig at a burlesque club owned by Cher’s Tess, and she finally starts to get her feet on solid ground. She may have traveled a “Thousand Miles,” but she’s finally starting to let go of the past. 

“You” – Practical Magic

I really like these two together. In Practical Magic, Gillian views love as an intoxicating and chaotic force, while Sally wants stability and connection. I think “You” does a good job of capturing both of their perspectives. 

Which era of Taylor Swift is this?

“Handstand” – American Pie

I have no idea how the physics within this song work, so it’s impossible to find an exact match, and I think it needs a silly movie with an iconic sex (?) scene. Additionally, the only other idea I had was to pair this with Bring It On and continue on with my Missy and Torrance fan fiction. 

“River” – Friends with Benefits

We all know what this song is about, so I chose a movie that revolves around sex. Friends With Benefits is a rom com, but it starts out with two people just looking to get their freak on. However, they eventually do become a couple, so it works with all of the lines about children as well. 

Note: I don’t condone an ounce of Mila Kunis’s recent actions and think the letter she wrote was truly heinous. We fully support the victims here on the B Movies Blog. 

“Violet Chemistry” – Ava’s Possessions 

For some reason, this was the easiest connection for me. I think “Violet Chemistry” works on two levels: with Ava and her demon, and between Ava and Hazel. Hazel (Annabelle Dexter-Jones) wants to keep her demon around, and she attempts to show Ava (Louisa Krause) the benefits of possession. On the flip side, Ava and her demon are interconnected now, so it’s all about the dance they do. 

This is exactly how I look when I think of a new idea for the blog, and Elliott also likes it. 

“Muddy Feet (feat. Sia)” – John Tucker Must Die 

I know “Muddy Feet (feat. Sia)” is a lot more intense than John Tucker Must Die, but they both have two common threads: infidelity and revenge. The only thing missing in the song is the thong, but I do believe that bit has already been taken by Sisqo. 

“Wildcard” – Pretty Woman 

I like to think that “Wildcard” would be the song Vivian (Julia Robers) sings to Edward (Richard Gere) towards the beginning of the movie when they’re starting to fall for each other, but neither can fully commit. Because, y’know, it’s a rom com, and we have to have our ebbs and flows to get the big payoff. 

“Island” – Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again 

First and foremost, this movie made me BAWL MY EYES OUT when I watched it on a date one time, and I haven’t been able to watch it for reasons I won’t mention here because y’all already know what I’m gonna say. Anyways. 

When I relistened to “Island” for this piece, I thought of Donna’s (Lily James) journey to Kalokairi and how devastated she is when Sam (Jeremy Irvine) leaves her to rejoin his fiancé. This island is becoming her home, but it now has memories of Sam, reflecting Miley’s sentiment. 

“Wonder Woman” – Barbie 

I know that “Wonder Woman” is about Miley Cyrus’s grandmother, but I think it’s a perfect representation of how many women feel. The line, “Never know she’s broken, only when she cries,” punches me in the gut every single time I listen, and it reminds me so much of America Ferrera’s speech from Barbie. Being a woman is so exhausting, and I think it’s easy to forget that we’re allowed to show emotions, let alone have them. 

Whenever we inevitably get Mamma Mi3, I really want Dolly Parton to play Cher’s sister.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some alternative Christmas hits into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, friends, you know I’m a spooky queen, through and through. However, I still fuck with Christmas. 

I put up trees (yes, multiple) and lights. I drink hot chocolate. I wear tacky sweaters. The works. 

However, I have two Christmas playlists: one that’s more traditional and one that’s more punk rock.

Christmas classics might be, well, classic, but I’m also a sucker for a Christmas song that breaks the mold, or a cover that takes the original song and gives it grit and grime. 

That being said, there is one Christmas song on this list that is arguably the best Christmas song of all time, and I won’t be taking any questions at this time. You’ll probably be able to guess what it is, but in case it isn’t obvious, the outlier is “Last Christmas.” 

I’ve sung this at birthday karaoke with my friend, Brooke, and my birthday is in August. Don’t mess with “Last Christmas.”

So, friends, grab your black lipstick and your favorite reindeer sweater, and enjoy these alternative Christmas covers and songs: 

• “Last Christmas” by Wham! 
• “It’s Gonna Be a Punk Rock Christmas” by Majorettes 
• “Sweet Christmas” by Shonen Knife
• “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” by Ramones 
• “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by My Chemical Romance
• “Santa Baby” by Everclear 
• “Frosty the Snowman” by Fiona Apple 
• “December” by Regina Spektor 
• “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” by Fall Out Boy 
• “So Much Wine” by Phoebe Bridgers

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some snowed in horror into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, friends, I don’t live in an area where it snows frequently, but I have been snowed in a couple of times in the past couple of years. 

I can’t imagine living in an area where inches or feet of snow are commonplace, and that’s why I only visit these places within the confines of my own living room. 

Snowed in horror is fun because it can go in several directions. You can take the supernatural route like Dead Snow, or keep the horror psychological like in some of our picks today; being confined or trapped in an area you’re unfamiliar with that’s cutoff from the outside world is terrifying enough. 

My social anxiety cropping up at the most inconvenient time

With the winter season in full swing, I wanted to give you all a few snowed in scaries to choose from, ranging from supernatural to paranormal to psychological. 

So grab your blanket and hot chocolate, and enjoy these frozen frights: 

The Shining: I’m a writer, but I’m not a “drag my family to a hotel and then succumb to my alcoholism and try to murder them” writer. 

The Thing: I love dogs too much, so I’d immediately be a goner. 

No Exit: This is why I always keep my headphones in when I’m in public settings. 

The Lodge: At least Kevin McCallister never gaslit a deprogrammed family member. 

Till Death: If I was handcuffed to Megan Fox, I wouldn’t be mad.  

More like Mac-Ready to fuck shit up, amirite?

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some creepy Christmas into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, friends, I know the holiday season is a time of pretty lights and wholesome Hallmark content. However, there’s a dark side to all things holly and jolly. 

That’s where holiday horror comes in. 

Holiday horror is fun because it subverts our expectations of the traditional, heart-warming holiday movie. Instead, we’re met with the likes of deranged Santas, murderous housewives, and centuries-old entities that drag naughty kids back to Hell. 

Tis the season. 

Get this guy some eggnog.

Listen, I put up my Christmas tree and swear at string lights that aren’t twinkling properly just like everyone else. I drink hot chocolate and wear tacky sweaters. I even abide by my own set of holiday traditions. 

But, my creepy little heart yearns for the spooky 365 days a year, and I know that many of you share the same sentiment. 

That’s why I wanted to throw out a few of my favorite gingerbread gorefests. 

And don’t worry, if you’re like me and still need some ooey gooey Christmas cheese, we have a list for that, too. 

There’s no amount of pizza money that can take away her trauma. 

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite holiday horrors:

• Krampus: My sexuality is the way Adam Scott says “honey.” 
• A Christmas Horror Story: Xavier Thorpe’s origin story. 
• Better Watch Out: Home Alone, directed by Christopher Landon. 
• SIlent Nights 1 & 2: I think this needs to be updated for modern times, so the line should be “GARBAGE AND RECYCLING DAY!” 
• Christmas Bloody Christmas: If you told me this was based on Tickle Me Elmo, I would believe you.   
• “All Through The Night” – Tales From The Crypt: Santa Baby, don’t hurry down the chimney tonight. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping my Christmas watchlist into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, friends, we’ll talk about this more next week, but, sometimes, I need to trade slaying for sleighing, if you catch my drift. 

These holiday classics range from creepy to cheesy, so there should be something to get you in the spirit, or with the spirits. 

I know that I usually have quippy lines and descriptions for Stream Queen. HOWEVER, I am but one woman, and there are way more than 12 days worth of Christmas goodies on this list. Please let my present from you be a little slack for not having witty descriptions this once. 

Without any further adieu, I present to you, in no particular order, my list of the best offerings of Christmas. 

Movies 

• Christmas Every Day 
• Just Friends 
• A Carol Christmas 
• The Mistletones 
• Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh 
• Elf 
• A Christmas Story 
• National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 
• Krampus 
• A Christmas Horror Story 
• Holiday in Handcuffs 
• A Boyfriend for Christmas 
• Better Watch Out 
• A Bad Moms Christmas 
• Love Actually
• The Holiday 
• Anna and the Apocalypse
• The Muppet Christmas Carol
• Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus 
• Meet the Santas 
• A Holiday to Remember 
• Eve’s Christmas 
• Unlikely Angel 
• Black Christmas (1974, 2006, and 2019) 
• Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 & 2 
• The Nightmare Before Christmas 
• Happiest Season 
• Love Hard 
• Holidate
• Let It Snow 
• Arthur Christmas 
• Christmas with the Kranks 
• Jingle All the Way 
• Home Alone 1 & 2 
• The Family Stone 
• Christmas Cupid 
• Christmas Bloody Christmas

Episodes  

• Hey Arnold! – “Arnold’s Christmas” 
• Psych:
  • “Gus’ Dad May Have Killed An Old Guy” 
  • “Christmas Joy”
  • “The Polarizing Express” 
• SpongeBob Squarepants – “Christmas Who?”
• Lizzie McGuire – “Xtreme Xmas” 
• The Adventures of Pete and Pete – “O Christmas Pete” 
• Sabrina the Teenage Witch:
  •  “A Girl and Her Cat” 
  • “Sabrina Claus” 
  • “Christmas Amnesia” 
  • “Sabrina, Nipping at Your Nose” 
  • “Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas” 
  • “It’s a Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot Christmas”
• Tales from the Crypt – “All Through The Night” 
• Pepper Ann – “A Kosher Christmas” 
• Daria – “Depth Takes a Holiday” 
• The O.C.:
  • “The Best Chrismukkah Ever” 
  • “The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn’t” 
  • “The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah” 
  • “The Chrismukk-huh?”

Highlights of the Lizzie McGuire Christmas episode include Steven Tyler as Santa, Matt reciting Linus’s speech from A Charlie Brown Christmas, and countless clip-in hair extensions. 

Specials 

• Garfield’s Christmas Special 
• Olive, the Other Reindeer
• The Year Without A Santa Claus
• The Powerpuff Girls: ‘Twas The Fight Before Christmas
• Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer 
• Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas 
• A Charlie Brown Christmas 
• Christmas Eve on Sesame Street 
• Bill and Opus: A Wish For Wings That Work 
• The Kacey Musgraves Christmas Show 
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the cartoon) 

“God, I’d give anything for a drink… I’d give my god-damned soul for just a glass of beer, Jon.”

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the Christmas/holiday treats I’m excited for into the ol’ VCR. 

Y’all really enjoyed our piece about fall products, so we’re back with another piece to cover all of the Christmas and/or holiday-themed products I’m looking forward to. I am absolutely a Hallowqueen at heart, but ya girl also doesn’t mind Christmas. There are spirits involved, after all. 😉

As with the fall list, I can’t guarantee that all of these products will be available in your area (I had a HELL of a time finding VooDew and What the Fanta? even though they allegedly weren’t regional), but I still want to give you a handy dandy reference list. Think of it as a scavenger hunt, but for silly little treats. 

As always, I would love to give a huge thanks to Markie Devo. He keeps his finger on the product pulse like no one else, and I wouldn’t be able to compile any of these blogs without him. DEFINITELY follow his accounts. 

Lastly, please note that all of these products aren’t new, but I’m still excited about them. Also, spoiler, but they’re all food-related this round. The horrors persist but so do the little treats. 🤷‍♀️

ALRIGHTY, without further ado, let’s dive in. 

Elf-Themed Products 

With Jon Favreau’s Elf celebrating its 20th anniversary this year (HOW), there are too many Elf-themed products to count. These are the ones I’m personally excited about, but believe me when I say that there are plenty more products to keep your eyes peeled for. 👀

• Brach’s Elf Candy Canes
• Brach’s Swirly Twirly Elf Gum Drops 
• Brach’s Candy Cane Forest Elf Mellowcreme® Candy 
• Mrs. Butterworth’s Elf Sugar Cookie Pancake Mix
• Keebler^® Gingerbread Elf Fudge Stripes™
• Goldfish^® Grahams, Limited Edition Elf™ Maple Syrup Grahams

Grinch-Themed Products 

There isn’t a big anniversary for the animated special or original book, but I’m noticing a BIG trend with Grinch-themed products and decor. I’m not mad about it. 

• International Delight^® Iced Coffee – Grinch Peppermint Mocha
• International Delight^® – Grinch Peppermint Mocha Coffee Creamer

Nestlé^® Toll House^® Goodies 

I believe this is a new edition to the Nestlé^® Toll House^® family, and I can’t wait to definitely not eat a couple of squares of this without baking it first. 

• Santa’s Cookie Dough

Betty Crocker 

Betty’s getting WILD this year. I know both of these things are going to give me the good ol’ fashioned sugar shakes, but I’m still eager to try them. 

• Santa Stackers Complete Pancake Kit
• Festive Frosted Sugar Cookie Kit

Cereals 

Out of all the gimmicks available to me, for some reason, cereals are the ones I tend to buy the most of. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a sucker for the box art or what, but I’ll definitely be snagging both of these. 

• Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Cereal
• Gingerbread Toast Crunch 

Blue Bell 

One of the very few good things about my state is Blue Bell ice cream. I’ve had the Christmas Cookies, and I can fully vouch for it. As a diehard Peppermint Bark girlie, I’m sure I’ll have nothing but niceties to say about that flavor as well. 

• Blue Bell Christmas Cookies Ice Cream
• Blue Bell Peppermint Bark Ice Cream

Pillsbury 

Pillsbury is one of my go-tos when I want to whip up a quick dessert mix, so I have no reason to doubt the flavor, and I can’t wait to scarf down these cookies with some milk while I’m watching a Christmas horror movie. 

• Funfetti® The Elf on the Shelf® Hot Cocoa Cookie Mix​

Duncan Hines 

If you haven’t tried the Dolly Parton line, I can say that I haven’t struck out yet. In fact, there are times I’ve bought the cans of icing and eaten them with Vanilla Wafers, or even just a spoon. I’m really excited for this one because it looks like those frosted sugar cookies you can buy in the plastic container, but Dolly Parton is on the box, so they have to be even better.  

• Dolly Parton’s Sugar Cookie Mix

Smartfood

I’m going to be honest. Out of everything on this list, this is the one I’m the most skeptical about. However, I’m still intrigued, so I’ll definitely try to pick up a bag. 

• Smartfood Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Popcorn

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping The Horror Flicks & Guitar Picks Podcast into the ol’ VCR. 

I can’t tell you exactly when Tim “Trashmouth” Mills and I became internet friends, but we’ve been mutuals on Instagram for years. He’s been a good friend, and we’ve supported each other’s content over the years. That’s why I wanted to give a shoutout to his podcast, The Horror Flicks & Guitar Picks Podcast, and it deserves to be heard. 

Horror Flicks & Guitar Picks has been going strong for over three years, boasts over 200 episodes, and is rated 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. In addition to working his ass off on the podcast, Tim hosts and sponsors horror movie trivia nights where he lives. 

Friends, it’s obvious that Tim is passionate about each and every component of the pod. He’s a horror and music lover. He’s always attentive to his interviewees, and there’s never a lull in the conversation. Tim’s heart and soul goes into this podcast — that’s clear from beginning to end. 

As a content creator, I can tell you that projects like this are a labor of love. Elliott and I edit, produce, film, write, and do every single thing for B Movies ourselves, so, Tim, believe us when we say we get it, and we support you. 

Listening to Horror Flicks & Guitar Picks is like listening to a conversation with your friends. Hell, I’ve had some of these conversations before myself. Also, kudos to Tim for one of the sickest intros of all time. We touched on this over in the horror hosts piece, but Tim also knows his stuff. I consider myself a horror aficionado, but there have been times I’ve found myself Googling the movies he’s talking about because I’ve never heard of them. 

I know that recommending you jump into a podcast that’s 200 episodes deep can give you the ol’ feeling of content overload (insert Portlandia clip of Fred Armisen here), so I asked Tim for a list of five episodes he would recommend to get you started. 

• Episode 55: Keir Gilchrist & Sean Glaze of Whelm/Phalanx
• Episode 81: Travis Bennington of Eternal Sleep 
• Episode 146: The Monster Squad 35th Anniversary Celebration ft. Ryan Lambert & Andre Gower 
• Episode 166: Charlie Paulson of Goldfinger 
• Episode 171: Tipper of Fever Strike

Tim does an excellent job producing The Horror Flicks & Guitar Picks Podcast, but it doesn’t feel pretentious or unrelatable. In fact, despite the high production value, there’s still a punk/DIY feel to the pod that gives it the conversational tone I mentioned earlier.

I won’t go on my soapbox here, but as a queer woman in the horror space, I’ve had my fair share of condescending conversations with men. However, I feel like I would be welcomed into the conversations from the pod with open arms. 

Tim, keep it up, man. I know how absolutely challenging it can be to make content on the internet, but you’re doing a wonderful job. Listen to The Horror Flicks and Guitar Picks podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you listen to podcasts. You can follow The Horror Flicks and Guitar Picks Podcast on Facebook, Instagram, and X, and please support him over on Patreon if you’re able.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the Fast & Furious series into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, friends, this is it — the piece you’ve been waiting for. 

I watched the ENTIRETY of the Fast & Furious series for the very first time…and I have thoughts. 

Before we get into one of the most unhinged pieces I’ve ever written, we have a couple pieces of business to attend to, family. 

First and foremost, I watched the series in the order the movies were released, aka: 

• The Fast and the Furious (2001)
• The Turbo Charged Prelude For 2 Fast 2 Furious
• 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
• The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
• Fast & Furious (2009)
• Fast Five (2011)
• Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
• Furious 7 (2015)
• The Fate of the Furious (2017)
• Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
• F9 (2021)
• Fast X (2023)

I know that Tokyo Drift is technically after Fast & Furious 6, but I wanted to soak up the full lore. I did, however, watch the prelude for 2 Fast 2 Furious, so I think I’ve more than paid my dues. I even watched all of the post credit scenes, thank you very much.  

Secondly, we all know that I respect the movie making process, and I don’t want to rag on it. These movies are meant to be silly and fun, so remember that when you read through my thoughts. The Fast & Furious series, or as it will be referred to henceforth, the FFS, isn’t meant to be picked apart for its social commentary. 

Last but certainly not least, I’m going to share all of my real time thoughts and reactions for each movie. These have only been edited for clarity, and I can assure you these are my genuine thoughts. But honestly, if you’ve been here for a while, there should be no question that all of these things truly went through my head. 

Before anyone can hack my system or try to release a deadly weapon of destruction, let’s make like a member of the team and put the pedal to the metal. 

The Fast and the Furious 

• Michelle Rodriguez is so hot.
• RIP Paul Walker. 
• “I like the Tuna” (STFU). 
• Let’s not throw out the f slur there, bud. 
• The fact I remember Nos having their own energy drink dates me more than anything I could ever say. 
• This soundtrack smells like 2001. 
• It’s just a HOT movie; that’s the best way I can describe it. Hot people, cool cars, the works. 
• Women be warned – we’re not portrayed well in this one. 
• When he says, “Damn, that guy’s fast,” I really wanted him to wait a beat and then go, “and furious.” 
• This franchise is made for the peeps who grew up playing racing arcade games with bikini-clad girls embossed on the sides, and I don’t mean that in a bad way; I played those games at my local movie theater and skating rink right there with you. 
• The Von Dutch, floppy disk, and mesh tanks SENT ME. 
• The fact that they’re stealing millions in DVD players, I can’t 

2Fast2Furious

• Universal, what on EARTH was that bumper?
• Honestly, let’s just talk about all of those graphics in the opening credits. 
• I watched this a few days after The Fast and the Furious and truly forgot Brian’s full name. 
• Let’s take the NPC fad and turn it into “Fast and Furious” characters where you wear distinct colors and say really cliched phrases. 
• I don’t feel great about drinking Nos energy drinks now. 
• “Oxide” is to FFS subtitles as “Squelching” is to Stranger Things subtitles. 
• Why is that man racing in khakis?
• “I may as well take my chances in Chino” – Do y’all think he knows Ryan Atwood?
• Hand to God, I had no idea that Eva Mendes was in this franchise. 
• I don’t know what I was expecting in a movie franchise about street racing, but there sure is a lot of death. 
• Some of these guys went to the Clark Griswold School of Driving. 
• I wish Suki had a bigger role. 
• WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE AMERICAN PSYCHO NOVEL IS THIS? 
• I love Tej. 
• No one noticed all of those giant ass walkie talkies?

I love Night at the Roxbury. 

The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift 

• I can’t tell you how many times I watched this movie at my hometown movie theater. 
• I forgot about Zachary Tyler Bryan being in this. 
• Talk about Home DISimprovement, amirite?
• This is still one of my favorites, sorry.  
• The entire opening of this movie smells like Hollister. 
• Why are they the only ones with southern accents?
• This soundtrack is forever ingrained in my mind because I downloaded all the songs from Limewire. 
• Do these kids not have homework?
• Honestly, outside of not understanding how accents work, I don’t have a lot of notes. 

Fast & Furious

• Why are there two movies with essentially the same title? 
• Why does she call everyone BUBBA? Michelle Rodriguez deserves better than this. 
• Okay, I get it now. 
• The sheer DISRESPECT OF TREATING MY GIRL LETTY LIKE THAT. 
• Vin Diesel is [Insert Car Detective Pun Here] 
• More like the Fast & Foot Fetish, amirite?
• 20% angel, 80% devil – What in the name of a Volkswagen Beetle bumper sticker is going on here?
• Did anyone else get hot and bothered when Paul Walker wrapped his legs around Vin Diesel’s neck, or was it just me?

“Damn, dude, that guy looks Fast AND Furious.” 

Fast Five 

• I love the dramatic recap. I almost expect a *record scratch* followed by, “You’re probably wondering how I got here.”  
• I still maintain that it gets better from Tokyo Drift onwards. 
• This one feels the most video game-y to me. 
• I wonder if this is the life Delia pictured for herself. Or I would love for the reporter to have been Delia in the beginning as an Easter egg for the ultimate Faculty/F&F crossover we never knew we needed. 
• If this is an easy gig, I’d hate to see what a hard one is. 
• I’ve ridden the train countless times in my life, and the craziest thing that ever happened was the time we hit a cow. 
• I GASPED when the Rock stepped out of the plane. 
• I feel like Vince just keeps getting beefier and beefier from movie to movie. 
• I really wanted Dom to dance around the warehouse, Footloose-style, after he and Vince’s fight. 
• “You know I like my dessert first,” and, “Give me the damn veggies.” Y’all. 
• Take a drink every time they show Christ the Redeemer statue. 
• You can’t tell me The Rock and Vin Diesel haven’t kissed a little. 
• I feel like Jess Mariano would fit in well with this crew. 
• Oh man, a good ol’ fashioned team montage! 
• Take a drink of your beverage of choice anytime Dom says anything about “a job”/“the job.”
• What the actual fuck does, “That sounds like a whole lot of vaginal activity” EVEN MEAN??
• Why does she have her head shot hanging on the wall?

Fast & Furious 6 

• Why isn’t it called Fast & FuriouSix?
• I accidentally typed in “Fist & Furious” when I was searching something, which I feel is an entirely different series that retains the same sexual tension The Rock and Vin Diesel possess. 
• I feel like we regressed at least seven years with these opening credits. 
• “If you keep running your piehole, you’re going to be smelling an ass-kicking” – Someone truly typed “stereotypical 80s cop” into AI to write lines for The Rock. 
• Wait, Luke Evans is in this?
• Take a drink from your beverage of choice anytime anyone says “team.” 
• Where did they find all of these walkie-talkies? It looks like they were single-handedly keeping RadioShack in business. 
• You apparently never turn your back on family because they’ll shoot you.
• I miss Suki.  
• The phrase “me likey” should be illegal. 
• I would be the one to walk into that pawn shop while they were shaking up the owner. 
• Gal Godot looks like an entirely different person with highlights. 
• Dom: “Brian, our old life is over as soon as your baby is born.” Also Dom: “Be careful traveling to the US, where you’re wanted, to go see the cartel leader you put in prison!” 
• Stasiak looks like the love child of Sebastian Stan and Tim Robinson. 
• I forgot Rita Ora had a cameo that’s very P!nk a la Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. 
• Are they ever going to acknowledge how many people die in these movies???
• Death Proof is Fast & Furious for film nerds. 
• HOW IS THERE OVER 45 MINUTES LEFT?
• I truly couldn’t tell you where these people are, setting-wise, from scene to scene. 
• The physics behind that catch scene broke my entire brain. 
• I love being able to predict and/or finish the Rock’s lines. It’s like I’m in the movie. 
• I feel like the supplementary characters in the FFS are more disposable than toilet seat covers. 
• Wait, did the FFS series popularize “ride or die??”
• I bawled when Gisele sacrificed herself for Han. 
• Okay, y’all sincerely can’t tell me that Vin Diesel and The Rock haven’t kissed a little after that weirdly-framed goodbye scene. 
• I feel like they always think this movie is going to be the last one. 
• You can’t tell me that this is like the MCU, and they planned for Tokyo Drift to canonically be the 7th movie in the franchise. 

SWAN DIVE 

Furious 7 

• How are they still mad? Boom, tss 🥁
• “Guys, I know what this franchise has been missing! Jason Statham!” 
• Yeah, Jason, let’s threaten all of the medical professionals who are the ones with capacity to heal your brother. 
• Okay, so, Letty just blindly trusts Dom after a few conversations and a photo? 
• I…don’t think you can call an event that. 
• Early Smosh called and they want their bikini girls back. 
• How are they racing in sandals? More importantly, why do we keep getting shots of their feet in sandals? Quentin, is that you? 
• So Letty wants to go find herself, when she and Dom grew up together, and she’s surrounded by things that could jog her memory? 
• Okay, Elena, I love the new hair! Pop off, girl! 
• “You just earned yourself a dance with the devil, boy.” 
• You really want to tell me that Jason Statham could beat up The Rock? 
• What’s the name of the insurance plan coverage for when large, muscular men throw themselves in the air to protect their partners?
• I don’t understand the gestational period for women within the FFS. 
• Why can’t any of these people have siblings that are accountants or real estate agents?
• Okay, I’m mad at all of you who told me that Tokyo Drift doesn’t count as a FFS movie when it comes back around MULTIPLE TIMES. 
• Omg, I’ve become emotionally invested because I started tearing up at the beginning when I remembered this is the movie where Paul Walker passed away. 
• I still don’t believe the level of MCU planning in this franchise. 
• Holy shit, James Wan directed this??
• Jason Statham is essentially Dan Stevens’s character from The Guest but worse.  
• I would watch a movie that’s a fight between shadows and ghosts. Direct that, James Wan. 
• We’re driving cars out of planes now. Got it. 
• Fast and Furious but with the car from Evil Dead. 
• Again, even with title cards, I couldn’t tell you where these people geographically are from scene to scene. 
• Tens of trees are cut down annually due to cars trying to outmaneuver armor-piercing bullets. 
• Jason Statham’s little beanie kills me. 
• Their frequent flier miles must be insane. 
• Dom, I don’t feel like this is the time to tell Shaw that you see your friends as family, which is a higher level of admiration.
• I don’t think that they remember the type of sandwich Brian ordered. 
• THE ROCK FLEXING OUT OF HIS CAST. 
• I need a shirt that says, “Daddy’s Gotta Go To Work” to wear when I’m researching shit like this. 
• You have two men. Fighting with phallic car parts. On top of a parking garage. I don’t have any appropriate commentary. 
• Additionally, I need a shirt that says, “Woman, I am the calvary.”
• Not me BAWLING from the beach scene through the end credits, even though the Paul Walker CGI is questionable. 
• Using Dom’s cross as wedding rings is the most FFS thing I’ve ever seen. 

The Fate of the Furious 

• Hand to god, I thought that was Sherri Moon Zombie. 
• Should we be openly talking about a classified weapon at a children’s soccer match?
• “I’m going to have them line up and kick you in the Tay-Tay.” Y’all. 
• How are Dom and Letty talking to each other?
• I feel like tumblr would take a screencap from the scene where Dom steals the canister from Hobbs and put the quote, “You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain” with it. 
• Sorry, but Scott Eastwood’s eyes have nothing on Paul Walker’s baby blues. 
• How on earth is the only cell in this prison directly across from Shaw?
• I miss Charlize’s action phase.  
• I like to think that Mr. Nobody is actually Santa. 
• Jason Statham’s fight style is honestly mesmerizing. 
• Her name is CYPHER. Jfc. 
• I’m in my early 30s and fell in the bathroom the other day, and all of them are 40+ and can jump from buildings. 
• How on earth does the math work for Dom to be this baby’s father?
• Cypher knew how Dom was gonna fight them off but didn’t know he had that contraption in the car?
• How is Helen Mirren uncredited??
• The blatant disregard for human life and property is truly unhinged. 
• I always forget that one of the plagues was raining cars. 
• I really want Hobbs and Shaw to have an enemy to lovers storyline. 
• It’s like Cypher read The Pearl once and then based her entire personality around it. 
• Elena deserved so much better. 
• I didn’t realize it was this easy to stop WWIII. 
• I love this Benoit Blanc rewind we do to show how they did the impossible thing they did.
• I never thought I would hear Helen Mirren say, “the devil’s butthole.” 
• How many guns does this gentleman carry on his person??
• I would pay big money to watch an entire movie where Shaw babysits for Dom. 

I love Orange is the New Black.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

• What on god’s green earth is this “Time in a Bottle” cover?
• I’m honestly shocked it took them this long to get Idris involved. 
• I would bet good money that this is a rejected script or is based on a rejected script for a stand-alone movie. 
• I haven’t heard someone say “a can of whoop ass” in at least a decade. 
• I didn’t know Jason Statham was a Taylor fan. 
• As someone with a million tattoos, I can’t begin to tell you how much my skin crawled at the tattoo scene. 
• More like a family twig, amirite?
• Wait, when did Shaw get a sister?
• Ryan Renyolds? What is happening?
• Who isn’t in this movie??
• Why is Jigsaw running this operation?
• This is the most roundabout way I’ve ever heard someone get to the phrase “two to tango” in my life. 
• They 100% wanted to cast Florence Pugh. 
• I wonder what the Shaw Family Thanksgiving is like. 
• Fast & Furious Presents: Jumping the Shark 
• Okay, this is actually really fun. 
• THE SLO MO. 

F9

• They even got Michael Rooker involved. Nothing is sacred. 
• Y’all did Mr. Nobody DIRTY with that horrible video message. 
• Did Letty just throw a little shade at Brian and Mia because they didn’t want to endanger the lives of their children?
• John. Mutherfucking. Cena. C’mon. 
• Physics doesn’t exist in the FFS universe. 
• I understand that hackers need cool haircuts to establish they’re hackers, but Charlize Theron is the only human being I know that could pull off this friar special. 
• I really thought Tej and Roman were going to suggest that we’re living in a simulation. 
• My subtitles couldn’t decide if it was Project Ares or Project Aries to save its life. 
• Man, I miss Han. 
• We’ve gone to the past through flashbacks, so now, I want to see an entry in the FFS where they go to the future.. 
• Again, I flick my thumb at all of you who said Tokyo Drift wasn’t consequential to the FFS. 
• I feel like this group is equivalent to The Lone Gunmen from The X-Files. 
• Queenie is one of my favorite characters in this entire franchise. 
• THESE MEN LOOK NOTHING ALIKE. 
• Somehow Cardi B being in this movie makes more sense than most of the other actors they’ve pulled in. 
• Was that a Rocky Horror Picture Show reference? Maybe?
• A giant magnet? Where did these people learn villainy? Acme University?
• Ramsey, I get you girl. 
• The fact that no one has ever said, “Who’s the Nos?” seems like a missed opportunity. 
• I’m a sucker for meta commentary, but this ain’t it, sis. 
• I can’t begin to imagine how uncomfortable it would be to wear red leather pants for days on end. 
• SHUT UP, HAN RETURNS. 
• For the millionth time, there is no way there was this much planning for the interconnectivity of this series. 
• Are they also all immune to tear gas?
• That man just jumped down like Donkey Kong, and I truly can’t. 
• “As long as we obey the laws of physics, we’ll be fine.” My man, I don’t know what franchise you think we’re in, but I have news for you. 
• I think the logistics of Pigs in Space made more sense than Tej and Roman being up there, and those were Muppets. 
• Wait, John Cena is just playing his character from Psych. 
• Lucas Black’s accent gets thicker and thicker throughout the franchise. 
• Also, how has no one said, “Catch my drift?” when referencing Tokyo. 
• UGH, not them leaving a seat at the table for Paul. 

I always had a soft spot for Mutt and Alexis as a couple. 

Fast X 

• It was only a matter of time before they tapped Jason Momoa. 
• Oh my god, this guy wants to be a Bond villain so bad. 
• Christ the Redeemer is back! I’ve missed you, buddy. 
• I was so confused by Paul Walker’s presence until I realized this was a flashback. 
• Rita’s outfit is INCREDIBLE. 
• How many computer chips can there possibly be?
• Who took these photos?
• Wait, wasn’t Cypher RIGHT THERE when Elena died?
• Okay, but honestly that blade licking was hot. 
• Jason Momoa is having the absolute time of his life in this movie. 
• Yeah, let’s just shoot at a giant flaming ball of death. That seems like the best option here, fellas. 
• Did they just blow up The Pope?
• BRIE!! 
• I know where Tbilisi is, but I want to make sure that YOU know where Tbilisi is. 
• OMG, this is Twisted Metal. 
• Not the slo mo Colosseum shot. 
• Queenie is the best character here, and I said what I said. 
• DAMN, GIRL, use that cast iron skillet. 
• Do you think there’s any relation to Austin Ames from A Cinderella Story?
• I feel like John Cena requested that “Good Vibrations” be used in this movie. 
• I don’t even drive, and it turns out I know less about cars after watching this franchise than I did before. 
• Dante’s purple outfit is giving me LIFE. 
• Oh my god, he’s just a more fashionable Sweet Tooth. 
• What in the name of FNAF: Security Breach is this technology?
• Black market operations feel good in a place like this.
• I wonder which of the cars Pete Davidson dated. 
• Cypher wants to be in the family so bad that she can’t stand it. 
• “You butthole.” STOPPP.
• We’re this far in, and I still have no explanation for the walkie talkies. 
• JAKOB, NO. 
• I’m glad that Little B inherited the defying physics gene. 
• Little B is going to need so much therapy. 
• WAIT, THIS ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER???

Final Thoughts 

I absolutely get it now. These movies are fun to pop on when you don’t have anything going on, and you need an over-the-top action flick. The first couple of entries are like a time capsule for the early aughts, and this is a franchise many people grew up watching. I feel the same way about Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Last Action Hero, and other 80s and 90s action flicks. 

Now comes the part I don’t think some of you are gonna like. I think the FFS is a rare example of the later entries being better than the earlier ones. I honestly believe the first two movies are the weakest. I also don’t know that I would watch all of them again like this. While y’all were watching these, I was watching the likes of Crank and Domino, so those movies hold the same nostalgic value for me that the FFS series holds for many of you. But, I would definitely be down for an Alamo Drafthouse event or a soda and pizza night that’s FFS-themed. 

And with that, I think it’s time to say grace.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the work of David Fincher into the ol’ VCR. 

Friends, it’s time for another director spotlight. And this time, we’re talking about another one of my all-time faves, David Fincher. 

Not only is David Fincher one of my favorite directors, but he actually directed one of my favorite movies of all time, Zodiac. 

Like Robert Rodriguez and Christopher Guest, David Fincher movies have a very obvious style and tone. From using CGI blood in some scenes to exposing the dark side of human nature, it’s very obvious that you’re watching a David Fincher flick.

I watched Fight Club when I was a teenager (as is customary for all movie nerds), but I didn’t become obsessed with David Fincher until college. Once The Social Network came out, I was hooked. 

I am Jack’s cliche college posters, which include Trainspotting, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Fight Club. 

I went back and watched Se7en and Zodiac, and it’s then I knew I had a type. 

When House of Cards (friendly reminder that Kevin Spacey is a POS) and Mindhunter were released, I binged them. 

I was there to see Gone Girl opening weekend. 

There are only so many ways I can say I love David Fincher’s work, so I’m going to go ahead and get to the list. 

I am not Paul Avery. No, seriously. 

My favorite David Fincher movies, in no particular order, are: 

• Se7en 
• Fight Club 
• Zodiac 
• Gone Girl 
• The Social Network 

As I mentioned a moment ago, there isn’t much more I can say to show how much I enjoy David Fincher movies. Outside of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (I know, I know), I’ve seen each of his movies a million times. 

I know I’m only a mere pop culture writer, but keep it up, Dave.