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What’s On? – A Master Content Calendar For Your Bookmarks
Note: Check back for updates as new content is announced!
January 2026
January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)
January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)
January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)
January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)
January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)
January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)
January 9 – Primate (Theaters)
January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)
January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)
January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)
January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)
January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)
January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)
January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)
January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)
January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)
January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)
January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)
February 2026
February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)
February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)
February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)
February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)
February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)
February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)
February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)
February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)
February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)
February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)
February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)
February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)
March 2026
March 5 – Ted (Peacock)
March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)
March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)
March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)
March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)
March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)
March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)
March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)
March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)
April 2026
April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)
April 8 – The Boys (Prime)
April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)
April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)
April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)
April 17 – Normal (Theaters)
May 2026
May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)
May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)
May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)
May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)
June 2026
June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)
June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)
July 2026
July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)
July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)
August 2026
August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)
August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)
August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)
September 2026
September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)
September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)
September 18 – Play House (Theaters)
September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)
October 2026
October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)
October 2 – Digger (Theaters)
October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)
October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)
October 23 – Remain (Theaters)
November 2026
November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)
December 2026
December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)
December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)
December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)
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Slew Year’s Eve: A Dive Into New Year’s Eve Horror
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some New Year’s Eve horror into the ol’ VCR.
Now, friends, we cover quite the variety of horror subgenres here, including the intriguing subgenre we’ll be tackling today: New Year’s Eve horror.
I know it’s niche, but, surprisingly, I have four full movies for you, and a couple of segments in horror anthologies to satiate you, long after the clock strikes 12.
I only have one thing to address up top (which I feel like is pretty good for me, actually).
I know that Bloody New Year is missing from this list, but I’ll never include movies I haven’t seen. I definitely plan to remedy this ASAP. Moving on.
Without further ado, here are some recommendations to slash in the new year:
- Terror Train
- New Year’s Evil
- Midnight Kiss
- New Year, New You
- Holidays: “New Year’s Eve” segment
- V/H/S/99: “To Hell And Back” segment
God, I love Chappell Roan.
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Project Earth: Interview Parody Or Sinister Science?
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Berry’s Project Earth ARG into the ol’ VCR.
Okay, y’all. I have to be honest: content creators are KILLING the horror game right now. Some of the best and most disturbing content I’ve seen with my little peepers has been on Youtube. Project Earth is no exception.
Project Earth, as with all of our favorite ARGs, begins innocently enough. In “Project Earth 0: Waffles or Pancakes,” we’re introduced to the basic premise of the series. TerrANova Industries gives us a basic overview of the multiverse and how our decisions branch off into alternative timelines. Simple enough. However, in the last few seconds of the video, the scientist from the video asks, “What are you going to do to him?” And, we’re off.
In “Project Earth I: Who Are You?,” we’re introduced to our test subject, er, main character, Gregg Sellars. TerrANova does Gregg dirty by calling him every iteration of boring and average they can possibly think of, and then proceed to introduce their invention, the Intellectual Creative Engine, or I.C.E. for short. Thanks to I.C.E., TerrANova is able to scan the multiverse and find a different existence for Gregg, where he becomes a director…as well as many a’ controversy.
Like the introductory episode, it initially seems like Project Earth is a mix of Adult Swim infomercials and a parody of the interview videos with celebrities you see while scrolling through Facebook. However, I want to point out a detail that I haven’t really seen anyone else touch on.
Before we watch Gregg’s alternative life trajectory unfold, Gregg gives us some background information on his life. During his biographical speech, Gregg mentions his father opened one of the first video stores in the 1970s. Gregg also mentions he worked at the video store, and his main job was checking the tapes for imperfections, “making sure there was no problem, glitches and stuff.” Put a pin in this because we’ll come back to it shortly; just keep it on your mind.
Much like its predecessors, “Project Earth II: Happy Birthday Mr President” is a fun little romp into another reality where Gregg and his best friend, Tom Wilson, are elected as the President and VP, respectively. The duo also uncover alien life, and Tom marries an alien. I know how goofy it sounds, but please stick with the series/me because things are about to take a sinister turn.
In the second episode of Project Earth, I want to call attention to some of the newspaper articles we’re shown from Gregg’s political career. One of the papers specifically mentions how the town of Roselake “has become a thriving tourist destination, attracting visitors from far and wide with…its diverse array of recreational activities.”
Hard stop. I think this is a reference to the multiverse itself and alludes to TerrANova Industries. I have absolutely no evidence to support this theory, but I do think this article is purposely worded this way.
Finally, we reach the last episode of Project Earth thus far, “Project Earth III: On The Other Side.” And, friends, here’s where it gets buckwild. Like the other two Gregg-centered episodes of Project Earth, it begins harmless enough. Gregg is joined by his wife, Christine, to explore a reality where Gregg didn’t dismiss Christine’s ghost hunting urges, and the two had a hit reality show. But…there’s a lot more to unpack.
The same introductory video we’ve seen with the egg-like cartoon character glitches out upon playing… and it only gets worse from here. About halfway through the video, static appears on the screen, and Gregg and Christine are replaced by a giant egg (much like our animated host) on some sort of pedestal in the desert.
The egg begins to bleed and crack as Christine and Gregg continue their dialogue. Blood pours out of the egg, and it’s eventually replaced by an anatomically correct heart. Gregg then asks if they’re still in the interview, as he feels like he’s simultaneously in the studio and not as the video glitches into multiple distorted images.
Christine worriedly asks, “Gregg?”
The episode resumes, and we find that in this reality, there’s research to support ghosts aren’t ghosts at all — they’re humans from other realities who have seeped into ours. Interesting…
I snorted and laughed when I found out Gregg and Christine are supposed to be based on Jack from Jacksfilms and his wife, Erin.
The video wraps up with Christine saying she’d never heard the idea of a multiverse collapse. If you have subtitles on, the video then cuts to black with the subtitle (You will).
You probably don’t need me to say this, but TerrANova Industries looks to be about as innocent as Cyberdyne Systems. They might have altruistic roots, but I think the company is approaching dangerous territory. Their website proves it.
I’m not going to ruin all of the treats and breadcrumbs on the website for you, but I’d recommend:
- Signing up for email alerts
- Reading the Locked Up comic books
- Checking for hidden messages throughout the website
- Basically scouring the entire website to read all of the blogs and content
I’d also definitely watch Inside a Mind’s video because they’re wonderful, and their analysis videos are *chef’s kiss*.
Now, let’s dive into my big theory.
I don’t think Gregg was “randomly selected.” Remember the video store story I mentioned earlier? I don’t think Gregg checking videos for glitches and the multiverse starting to glitch are coincidental. I think the word “glitch” is a really specific word choice, and that’s what leads me to believe that Gregg’s father is somehow involved with TerrANova and I.C.E.
I don’t think Gregg was watching movies; I think Gregg was watching videos from the multiverse.
In one of the blogs on the TerrANova website, Gregg says, “I saw a commercial online looking for participants to volunteer in a social experiment for an upcoming show made by TerrANova. I’m a BIG fan of their products and thought it’d be really cool, so I filled out the form and they called me back instantly.”
Man, I love They Might Be Giants.
I believe TerrANova saw Gregg’s name, and THAT’S why they immediately called him back. Gregg’s dad is somehow involved, and you can’t tell me otherwise.
Project Earth is one of those ARGs that deserves all the exposure it can get. While we do have to wait until August 19th for the next episode, it appears a livestream is coming our way on June 20th.
Please subscribe to Berry’s channel, y’all. This series is so wonderfully done, and I’d love for us to get another season and/or for Berry to present us with more content. Additionally, I need people to start second-guessing all of their life choices for fear of the multiverse collapsing in on itself like I am.
AUGUST 2023 UPDATES
Hello, friends! As I mentioned over on the B Movies Channel, I plan to update these pieces as we receive more content. And, after the most recent Project Earth video, I DEFINITELY owe you some updates.
In “Project Earth IV: Run Gregg,” it seems as though all hell has officially broken loose within the multiverse. Gregg seems to be ill, complaining of a massive migraine, and asks if filming can be postponed until he feels better. However, the jovial tone of the crew from previous videos is completely gone; the tone has become much more ominous.
Instead of the derogatory introduction, Gregg is framed as an “impeccable, incredible, fabulous man.” Gregg notices the change and questions but continues on.
He pauses the video a couple of times, and, after continuing to question why things feel different, he’s sternly told by someone offscreen to “Watch the video.”
Gregg’s headache seems to worsen, and he asks how long they’ve been doing this. When we cut back to I.C.E., we see a figure, who we can presume is some type of security card, enter the frame.
The video finally continues, and we find out that this iteration of Gregg was an astronaut and encountered some sort of white light/entity in space before contact was lost. Additionally, part of the live stream radio broadcast from a few weeks ago is included. John O’Malley, the conspiratorial host of The Eagle Radio Show, announces that Gregg Sellars apparently isn’t real? Or, at the very least, there are no real records to verify his existence.
Gregg asks if they can continue filming at a later time, announces he’s going to get some air, and attempts to stand up. A member of the crew comes over as another tells him to “Sit. Down.” from off camera. Gregg resists, and the security guard we saw previously in the video comes over and begins to restrain Gregg, as the video cuts to black.
Y’all.
Project Earth is so good, and it keeps getting better. There are two episodes left: one premiering on Halloween (YAS) and one premiering on December 22nd. I need more than two episodes, so I need y’all to subscribe to Berry’s channel so that this series can keep going.
It’s so impressively executed, and I want Berry to be able to continue this project.
I know I only covered the video, but there are so many more secrets to uncover on the website, which is now beginning to crack in reference to the cracks within the multiverse.
Baz has an entire video dedicated to all of these updates, and I’d highly recommend watching it. Also, subscribe to Baz’s channel and help him reach his goal of 100,000 subs by the end of the year 🖤
Berry, if you ever see this, you’re one hell of a creator, my friend. I think your work is wonderful, and please keep on creating content. The world needs to see what you can do.
OCTOBER 2023 UPDATES
Movie mavens, we have more Project Earth updates! For those who don’t know, we had a new episode drop on October 31, aka my holy day. There have been website updates, AND if you are subscribed to the emails, which you should be, Tom is in trouble, my friends.
We touched on all of the updates over on our YouTube channel, so you should definitely check out our video below if you haven’t.
However, we here at B Movies Channel Industries have also promised all of you that we’ll update the blog as we receive updates, and we’re women of our word. We have a LOT to get through, so let’s start with the video.
Project Earth V: Underground, which as of now is the penultimate episode of Project Earth, throws A LOT of information at us. Not only is the Gregg Sellars we’ve become familiar with being held by TerrANova against his will, but this Gregg is Subject 84. It’s soon revealed that the Greggs from the other realities, as well as other Greggs like Pirate Gregg, Clown Gregg, and my personal favorite, Sock Puppet Gregg, are also being held and interrogated by TerrANova.
It seems as though all of the Greggs saw the same white light as Astronaut Gregg, meaning the multiverse, is indeed, splintering. After several clips of the different Greggs, we’re met with a warped version of the regular introduction where Gregg is described as “trapped and scared.”
The video glitches, and we meet Scientist Gregg. Scientist Gregg informs us that he was splintered off Earth 3.0, aka the reality with President Gregg, and he’s a wunderkind whose father was killed in a car accident. Scientist Gregg has been traveling the multiverse, and well, as we’ve all feared, the multiverse is collapsing in on itself.
Additionally, Scientist Gregg gives us one of the biggest reveals of the series — TerrANova isn’t discovering these realities; they’re manufacturing them for entertainment. At any cost.
We also find out that TerrANova didn’t invent the I.C.E machine, but rather, it was given to them by someone or something else. This leads to my first big theory.
I think this is where Berry’s comics tie in. I think I.C.E was given to/found by Berry, who then gave it over to TerrANova. I don’t necessarily think it was done with malicious intent, but I think Berry is responsible for getting I.C.E into the hands of TerrANova.
After Scientist Gregg drops some major bombs, we cut to a TerrANova hallway where someone (I believe it to be Berry) is announcing over the intercom that there’s a “Class 5 Alert,” as blackness envelopes the entire hallway.
This leads me to my second theory. I believe Scientist Gregg is the one responsible for leaving the messages on the website and splicing the videos because the cracking on the screen in his video matches the cracks we see on the website.
We cut back to Gregg, as he pounds at the door for release, and both Gregg and the doorway begin to shrink smaller and smaller until they’re only a tiny speck at the bottom of the screen.
The video ends with a haunting and silent scene of the white backdrop and interview chair setup before the video cuts out.
BOY OH BOY.
The next, and as of now, last video is set to go live on December 22, so I’ll be on the edge of my seat for the next six weeks or so. Berry, please don’t let this be the end. Or, if it’s the end of Gregg’s story, PLEASE MAKE MORE CONTENT. You’re extraordinarily talented, my friend, and I would love to see you continue making content.
Now, let’s get to the email.
If you’re on the email list, which I would HIGHLY recommend joining over on the TerrANova website, you know that Gregg’s best friend, Tom Wilson, has been arrested. You can also see the highlights over on the latest blog entry.
According to TerrANova, Tom apparently broke into their offices and stole some items, which aren’t specified in the blog, and disrupted a broadcast to try to warn the public in June. However, in the video,Tom hands over a book to some peeps, and we can assume that’s what was stolen, or was one of the items stolen.
So, uh, yeah. It seems that TerrANova has also forcibly taken Tom. So, uh, yeah, that’s probably fine.
Lastly, let’s get to the website updates.
Firstly, the intro video has completely changed. It’s glitchy, has voices throughout, the same clips we saw of the egg breaking, you name it. Also, the messages in the background have changed, and there are noticeably more cracks throughout.
Secondly, the terminal has more options and more information. I’m not 100% when these updates happened, but all I can say is that I haven’t seen all of this information. To access the terminal, simply click on the cracks on the top right of the screen. From there, you’ll be prompted to type different works and numbers to unlock information. Read. It. All. Trust me.
Last but not least, we have a TON of little videos to watch. They range from webcam footage of the group who arrested Tom to a delightful puppet video. Each of the cracks throughout the website are tied to a video, so don’t be afraid to click every little crack multiple times to make sure you’ve captured them all.
I found four videos, two pages, and a picture, but I may have missed some clues. That list should get you started, though!
Berry continues to blow me away with each and every video and update. It’s clear that every little piece of Project Earth has been planned in advance, and I hope if the next video truly is the last, that there’s more to come from Berry.
Until next time, friends.
DECEMBER 2023 UPDATES
The day we’ve been dreading is finally upon us: the (hopefully not) finale of Project Earth.
The finale, Project Earth VI: ???, picks up where the last episode leaves off, with Gregg surrounded by vast darkness. He groans in pain, as it appears his headaches are continuing, and he tries to find another living entity within the blackness.
He stumbles upon a robot with some humanoid features who tries to mumble out bits of the intro we’ve become accustomed to, but it seems Gregg is on his own.
Then, Gregg begins to travel throughout some of the realities from previous episodes, or that have been alluded to in other pieces of content. He’s catapulted into a reality where Tom is a newscaster, one where Gregg seemingly murders Tom, the reality with astronaut Gregg, and a wonderfully animated reality where Christine isn’t quite what she appears to be.
Things then spin out of control as the egg, who usually did our introduction, starts to hurl insults at Gregg, like how he’s “pathetic” and “useless,” as we see distorted images of Gregg, clips from previous episodes of Project Earth, and other pieces of content we’ve seen from the TerrANova website.
Gregg is finally conjured back to the void by a gentleman who appears to belong to some sort of group or task force in charge of keeping stability within the multiverse…at least that’s how I interpreted it.
He tells Gregg he can help him, but Gregg needs to help him in return by telling him everything he knows about TerrANova, and because Gregg is also partially responsible for the timeline collapse. However, this gentleman also claims that he has some responsibility in the collapse as well.
The episode ends with he and Gregg walking off to hopefully find Christine and undo the damage TerrANova, Gregg, and his own actions have caused.
It’s obvious by the BTS clips in the credits that a lot of love and passion went into Project Earth. It’s abundantly clear that this series was crafted by people who enjoyed making it every step of the way.
If this is the end of Project Earth, I think it’s the ending we all hoped for.
Berry, you’ve done it again, my friend. You created an amazing finale for an amazing series. If this is indeed the end of Project Earth, I couldn’t have asked for a better conclusion.
However, I think the door’s open for more Project Earth, if you so choose.
Additionally, KEEP MAKING CONTENT. You have such a knack for ARGs, and I can’t wait to see what other content you create. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us, and I think you have an extremely bright future.
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By The People, A2-4 The People: An Ode To A24
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping A24 movies into the ol’ VCR.
Note: This blog was written in advance, so I am more than aware that some really good A24 releases from late fall/early winter are missing.
I’ve said this before, but since I started openly writing about pop culture, I’ve become synonymous with two big things: Bo Burnham and A24.
And, btw, we’ve had some close calls in the “Bo Burnham potentially seeing my content” department. The degrees of separation between BB and I seem to be dwindling by the day, and it gives me hives. I digress.
I love A24, and I think they’re releasing/distributing some of the best movies out there. Except for, y’know, The VVitch and Beau Is Afraid.
[Insert one of my trademark disclaimers about how me not liking a movie doesn’t make it bad or vice versa here].
When you disassociate during a Zoom meeting.
If you aren’t sure what the deal with A24 is, here’s a quick primer:
A24 is an indie company founded back in 2012 by John Hodges, David Fenkel, and Daniel Katz, and they primarily focus on TV and film production and distribution. They also have a great podcast.
Additionally, they’re more than likely responsible for producing or distributing some of the content you love, especially if you’re a big movie goer and/or watcher like myself.
For those new to the world of A24, or if you’re just looking for a good binge, I’ve assembled a list of some of my favorite A24 movies. A very, very long (and slightly controversial) list:
- Spring Breakers
- Ex Machina
- Tusk
- The Spectacular Now
- The Bling Ring
- Obvious Child
- Laggies
- Green Room
- The Lobster
- Moonlight
- It Comes At Night
- Good Time
- Lady Bird
- Hereditary
- Eighth Grade
- Slice
- Midsommar
- The Farewell
- The Lighthouse
- In Fabric
- Saint Maud
- Zola
- X
- Pearl
- Everything Everywhere All At Once
- Talk To Me
- Past Lives
I know there are a lot of movies in the A24 universe that aren’t listed here, and I know I’ll catch some flack for it. Listen, this is just a list of SOME of my favorites. There are still some flicks within the A24 realm I haven’t seen, and there are some I just didn’t like, and that’s OKAY.
I have nothing but mad respect for A24 for distributing some of the best and unique films around that might not get a chance otherwise. Here’s hoping that 2024 will be the year of A24…yet again.
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New Year, New Movie: An Ode To The New Year’s Eve Movie
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping New Year’s Eve into the ol’ VCR.
The New Year’s Eve film subgenre is an interesting one, to say the least. You have New Year’s Eve horror, movies where New Year’s Eve is mentioned and/or sets the scene for something dramatic, and then you have one of my personal favorites, and the one we’re focusing on today: the New Year’s Eve with converging storylines and interconnected characters.
If you aren’t sure what I’m talking about, let me give you a faux storyline to illustrate my point:
Two people meet at a market. Let’s call them Kate and Sarah. Sparks fly. Sarah then leaves to go to a friend’s party, where the friend tells Sarah that their coworker is coming, and she thinks the coworker and Sarah will really hit it off.
Kate leaves and goes to her best friend’s house, who happens to be Sarah’s friend’s girlfriend.
This is THE most 1999 looking image I’ve ever seen.
Everyone knows everyone. You get the gist.
The format is formulaic, but it’s about the journey, friends.
If you’re looking for an interwoven tale this New Year’s Eve, I recommend:
- 200 Cigarettes
- New Years Eve
- Four Rooms
All three occur within the same friend group and/or setting, and it’s fun to watch a tale unravel, character by character.
“Yeah, man, it’s gonna be almost three hours long, and we’re going to go through the events like Knives Out, but more drawn out. I’m thinking of calling it The Hateful Eight. Great idea, right?”
I’d also love to give an honorable mention to Holidate. It doesn’t follow the interconnected storyline formula, but I think having it take place throughout an entire year makes it a spiritual sequel to the other flicks.
And there you have it.
As we rapidly approach a new year, I wish nothing but the best for all of you, movie mavens.
Also, be sure to go to that random party you were invited to because you never know. The host of that party could be the cousin of the person you locked eyes with at Taco Bell.
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Spooky Steals and Dollar Duds: I Watched 34 Horror Movies I Bought From Dollar Tree
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Dollar Tree horror movies into the ol’ VCR.
Now, I’ve done a lot of things for content. I’ve written pages upon pages about Bo Burnham’s Inside. I watched the entire Fast and Furious series front to back. I’ve even picked streaming services clean to give you the best recommendations in Stream Queen.
However, I can say with full confidence that watching these movies (including a pilot) is one of the most brutal things I’ve ever done for the sake of content.
Some of these movies are worse than I could have possibly imagined. For several, I hear they’re still trying to figure out the plot to this very day. This may seem dramatic, but I’d rather watch The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour again, which, funnily enough, I also purchased from Dollar Tree.
Cue blink-182’s “I Miss You.”
Before we dive into my reviews of all of these movies, I want to give a few disclaimers.
First and foremost, I would recommend watching digital copies of these movies. Many of the DVDs didn’t have subtitle options, and the audio can be extremely hard to make out.
Secondly, I want to give a shoutout to my sister, who demanded I shout her out multiple times, as she’s responsible for purchasing many of these movies for me.
Thirdly, I want to give one of my famous disclaimers here. Just because I didn’t like some of these movies doesn’t make them bad movies, and just because I liked some of these movies doesn’t mean they’re good movies. Unless there is something horrible/inappropriate within the content, a movie’s rating is subjective.
You can tell in some of the title sequences that the cast and crew had a BLAST making these, and I think it’s awesome that they put something out into the world. Thank you for taking the time and spending the money to follow a project you were passionate about.
I’m well aware that this is how I sound during my disclaimers, thank you.
Finally, I hope all of you are having a wonderful Christmas/Monday/holiday season. We didn’t originally plan for this piece to be released on Christmas Day; it just happened to fall that way on the release schedule. But, after Elliott and I talked about it, we felt like it fits with the B Movies brand, and it felt right.
This piece is going to be divided into two categories: the Spooky Steals and the Dollar Duds. Spooky Steals are the ones I recommend, while the Dollar Duds are the ones I didn’t care for. I’m going to include a little review for each movie, the trailer, and the CW/TWs I caught.
Alrighty, I think that’s all the housekeeping. Without further ado, here are 34 (yes, you read that correctly) horror movies I found at Dollar Tree and my honest thoughts about them.
I think binging all 34 of these movies would’ve even made Kubrick throw his hands up and say, “Enough already!”
Spooky Steals
Don’t Grow Up: We were off to a strong start because this movie was an exception to the rule and wound up being a Shudder original. It also takes the concept of “parents just don’t understand” to the next level.
Video source: Unifrance
Coven: Much like Devil’s Diary, The Craft called, and it’s pissed. Really. I believe they took a copy of the script for The Craft and then pulled out a thesaurus to rewrite it. It’s like every Hot Topic employee consensually decided they all needed to kiss a little on every shift.
CW/TW: Homophobia (But lines like, “Well, if it isn’t Josie and the Pussylickers.”)
Video source: Movie Coverage
Chinese Speaking Vampires: You know it’s going to be a gem from the opening credits when multiple title cards end with ellipses, only to be followed up by another title card with 2-3 words and an exclamation mark. The opening sequence also looks like a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. I do wish the last couple of minutes were different, though, because it strays into a level of racism that the rest of the movie surprisingly doesn’t.
Video source: FullHDTrailer
Selfie Man (aka Selfie from Hell): Already gets props because it had the option for subtitles. Don’t let the name fool you, this movie is really bad. However, it’s bad in the sense of, “Oh my god, I have to show this to everyone I know so that they can also be in on the joke,” which is a W in my book.
Video source: IndustryWorks
Behind You: Call it Stockholm syndrome, but I enjoyed this movie. Idk if it was because it was the first one to have a plot I could actually follow or what, but this one ain’t too shabby, folks.
Video source: Vertical
A Night of Horror: Nightmare Radio: I finally found a sweet release in this one. I’m a sucker for horror anthologies. Nightmare Radio isn’t on par with V/H/S or the other horror anthologies we all love. However, it’s more than watchable. Also, there were a couple of stories in here that I thought were unique, and I’m just honestly glad to have found a little diamond in the rough. It also seems to potentially be the origin of a horror short I really enjoy.
CW/TW: Domestic violence and child death.
Video source: UCM.ONE #film
Soul Reaper: Okay, I’m giving this a soft yes because of the cold open. This actress appears to draw her inspiration from Desiree Gould’s performance in Sleepaway Camp (RIP), and I’m LIVING for it. It’s so silly, and I love that none of the actors seem to take it seriously.
Video source: 4DM Movie Trailers
Teeth and Blood: I really enjoyed this one. It has the camp of Bordello of Blood mixed with the likes of Def by Temptation, and really draws inspiration from Blaxploitation horror. My only complaint is that I feel like it drags a little in the third act.
Video source: RLJE Films
Tom Holland’s Twisted Tales: “FEARNet presents” — WOOF, I feel old. I can’t tell you the sheer panic I felt when I saw the run time of this…only to be pleasantly surprised when I discovered it was a webseries in full. This one is a real “who’s who” of cult horror, and “The Pizza Guy” episode is worth the watch alone.
Video source: RLJE FIlms
American Hangman: I love how we still give hackers septum rings to establish that they’re hackers. It’s almost like a mix of Saw and Halloween Resurrection. Donald Sutherland also acts his freakin’ heart out, a la Michael Caine in The Muppet Christmas Carol, and I respect the hell out of him for it. However, I was engaged the entire time, so I can’t knock it.
CW/TW: Child death but not shown.
Video source: Rapid Trailer
The Devil’s Restaurant (aka The Restaurant): Okay, I’ll give credit where credit’s due — there are lines in this movie that made me laugh out loud. It’s basically Waiting but with a demon/vampire entity. If you’re into movies like Glorious, I think you’ll enjoy it.
CW/TW: They say the “R” word, and I’ll never understand why we thought this was funny/why we said this to begin with.
Video source: Hayride Films
Toe Tags: HOW HAVE I GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT SEEING THIS? I was hooked from the very beginning. A pilot that was DOA? From 1996? Aka the most Baillee thing possible? This gem was in a movie 3-pack with The Devil’s Restaurant and How To Be A Serial Killer (which isn’t reviewed here because it’s a cult classic), and I can say this movie pack was a steal. Toe Tag is like a painfully 90s version of Psych, and I’m so sad it never took off.
*Of course, one of the best things I watched has no trailer or virtually any internet presence 🙁*
Mother Krampus: Now THIS is the kind of low-budget holiday horror I can get behind. Also, for my Dragula fans, I keep reading the name of this movie a la the way Kendra Onixx says “Mother Bitqch” in Titans.
Video source: New Trailer Buzz
Shark Night: Oh THANK GOD. This is another fluke and is actually a big-ish movie that includes a pre-Schitt’s Creek Dustin Milligan. This one’s FUN and has a lot of welcome and familiar faces. Just a warning that this is not just a horror movie, but a movie from 2011, period, so there are definitely some questionable things in here.
Video source: Movieclips
Evil Takes Root: This is another fun one! This is the only movie I’ve seen about the Batibat, and I think this is a really cool concept to dive into. I did want the Sheriff and Professor to kiss, though. Their sexual tension was palpable.
CW/TW: Dog death. Fortunately, it’s done completely off screen, and all we see is the bloody knife and an aerial shot of the scene, but you can’t make anything out.
Video source: Central City Media
The Night Sitter: This isn’t a Dread Central joint, but it’s really reminiscent of one. If you enjoy movies like Val, The Convent, or the Evil Dead series (the latter two obviously not being Dread Central films either), I think you’ll dig this one.
Video source: Roller Disco Massacre
The Rake: We love a good Christmas scare! Remember how I talked about making my friends watch bad moves? This is one we’d watch and have a good time with.
CW/TW: Infant death, and a body is shown.
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
Dollar Duds
Lake Fear: This movie has the most overstimulating opening music I’ve ever heard. There are also an obscene amount of weird, slo-mo shots of a girl’s butt for absolutely no reason. I also couldn’t give you a cohesive rundown of the “plot” if my life depended on it.
Video source: Horror Central
Dear Diary (aka Wake Up): There are weird anti-semitic and sexist pieces of dialogue for no reason? In the parts that have a storyline, it feels creepy and icky. No thanks.
CW/TW: SA, Familial SA, inc*s*, self-harm, and dog death/murder (shown on screen).
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
Scare BNB (aka Creep Nation): Every single second of this movie is so cringy and uncomfy. I don’t know if this was the intention, but it also comes across as Pro-Trump in the beginning, which is an immediate no; I won’t entertain the idea of him being correct nor will I support him in any way.
CW/TW: SA and stalking.
*I’m not promoting this one because of the weird Pro-Trump feel*
The Village in the Woods: When the aspect ratio on the menu is so wrong that it looks like a pixelated “fit to screen” desktop background, you know it’s going to be a ride. The gradient is akin to watching a movie through smudged glasses, and this is another one where the plot is Saran Wrap-thin.
Video source: BritFlicks
Scarecrow’s Revenge: The CGI is on par with those holographic Halloween decorations where it goes from a normal picture to a scary picture. Additionally, I feel like Pearl would have to change her underwear at the sight of this scare boi. I do want to note that judging by the footage in the credits, they had a BLAST filming this, and I think that’s all that matters.
Video source: Boxoffice | HORROR | Full Movies
The Unfamiliar: We start with a woman tied up as someone chants around her and black goo bubbles on the stove in a ceremony that Gwyneth Paltrow would probably charge $5,000 for. I also can’t tell you the last time I watched a movie that just STARTS. No context, no exposition, NADA.
Video source: Dark Matter Studios
The Haunting of Hythe House: BRB, spiraling that this is what I sound like when I give bad reviews. It tries to pull a Hell House LLC where it bounces around timelines, but it’s nowhere near as smooth.
CW/TW: Hanging/self-harm.
Video source: Horror Brains
The Haunting of Molly Bannister (aka Bannister DollHouse): The opening scene is VERY V/H/S. Unfortunately, this might be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
Video source: Movie Chunks
A Haunting in Texas (aka Silhouette): When I was in high school, I used to have an annual movie night for my birthday where we watched terrible horror movies. I also made my friends watch terrible horror movies year-round. This is ABSOLUTELY one I would’ve snagged from Blockbuster and made them watch. However, this is one that they would’ve been furious with me over, and I don’t understand the weird Skinamarink-esque scene. I GET IT, but it’s a choice.
Video source: BritFlicks
Doll House: Parts of this movie are giving big “Total Eclipse of the Heart” music video vibes. The synth background music is also bitchin’. Sadly, those were the only two pros for me.
Video source: BritFlicks
Dead Heading: This movie deserves a soapbox. Here goes. I have zero patience for people who work in a service industry and treat other people who work in the service industry poorly. You shouldn’t treat people who work in the service industry poorly PERIOD, but there’s a special place in hell for service industry people who treat other service industry people like garbage. Also, the cover is a total catfish.
Video source: MultiVisionnaire Pictures
The Devil’s Fairground (aka Anna 2): It’s ALMOST at the level of a SyFy original (which is definitely a compliment in my book), but it barely misses the mark. This is apparently a sequel, and to be fair, I haven’t seen the first film, so my rating might be different if I had.
Video source: Movie Trailers Source
The Unkindness of Ravens: I got tickled because the song on the DVD menu sounds like the song from TJ and Liz’s wedding in Gilmore Girls that Dave Allen sings. I absolutely respect the symbolism within this movie and how it represents the PTSD suffered by veterans. I think with some work, it could actually be wonderful.
Video source: New Trailer Buzz
House of Salem: I just don’t have a lot to say about this one. It’s almost like watching a British soap opera at times. Like other movies on this list, it’s SO CLOSE to being a cult classic, if they did a few rewrites. They have all of the ingredients, but the recipe isn’t quite right.
Video source: Wild Eye Releasing
Rites of Passage: Man, it was such a treat to see the trailer for the first V/H/S movie on this DVD. Unfortunately, that was the height of my viewing experience. I can’t get behind a bunch of white dudes writing a movie about indigenous culture and all of the other microaggressions against minorities in this movie.* This might be the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and I’m not exaggerating.
*I couldn’t find any information about any indigenous people being involved in this movie, so if there were, and I missed it, I apologize.
I also refuse to put the trailer for this movie in here.
Krampus: The Christmas Devil: I actually had high hopes for this one because the opening scene watches like the introduction to a YouTube video analysis. But alas, the first couple of minutes are the strongest of the film.
Video source: HorrorPreview
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Happy Holidays, Movie Mavens
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some of my holiday traditions into the ol’ VCR.
And yes, it’s time for another cheesy piece.
KP was really big on traditions. We always ate chili dogs or Frito pies on Halloween. My sister and I always received goodie bags on Valentine’s Day. We needed the house to be cleaned on New Year’s Eve for a good new year. Christmas was/is no exception.
We had several traditions growing up, some common, some not. Regardless, I wanted to take the time on the last Friday before Christmas to share a few of my holiday traditions with you (as well as to give you the opportunity to share some of yours in the comments).
Up until her last Christmas, KP bought me Christmas Eve pjs. We didn’t open them until Christmas Eve, and you didn’t usually know what they looked like.
We also got to open one additional gift. KP tried to discourage opening a big one (because she was smart and knew that we would be upset on Christmas morning without a big gift), but she always let us open whichever one we wanted.
We were also bigggggg Christmas lights people. We would drive around looking at lights for what seemed like hours, culminating in long nights of riding around on the nights of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Lastly, one of our other big Christmas traditions was watching A Christmas Story on Christmas Eve, and if you grew up with cable, I’m sure you’re also familiar with the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve added some traditions of my own.
Every year, I write a letter to “Santa.” It’s not an actual wishlist like you wrote as a child, but it more so serves as a way for me to look back on what I wanted and where I was the year before. I always put the letter in my stocking, and I keep it until I write the next letter.
I also watch the “Christmas Who?” episode of SpongeBob SquarePants and The Powerpuff Girls: ‘Twas the Fight Before Christmas before I go to bed each and every Christmas Eve, and I have for almost two decades.
Finally, I hate going to sleep past midnight on Christmas. I don’t like the feeling of Christmas being over in real time. The magic seems to wear off right before your eyes, and I’m not a fan.
So, friends, those are my Christmas traditions. They may have changed or evolved as I have grown up, but I’ve kept up with many of them. My sister has taken on the role of pajama buyer, and I pop in a DVD of A Christmas Story now, but there’s still plenty of winter whimsy in my house.
Happy Holidays, Movie Mavens.
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The N-ostalgia: The N’s Cultural Impact
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping The N into the ol’ VCR.
Friends, we’re talking about a key part of my childhood today: The N.
Much like Cartoon Network and Adult Swim, The N was the “teen” programming block of Noggin, just less mature and more Canadian.
I watched The N religiously, and it’s one of those nuggets of pop culture I still reminisce about to this very day.
Video source: Jordan2002’s Corner of Nostalgia
It had everything from reality shows to cartoons to scripted content, and it was so good and so bad.
My favorite shows on The N were:
- O’Grady
- Degrassi: The Next Generation
- Instant Star
- Girls v. Boys
- Radio Free Roscoe
Also, if they were feeling particularly frisky, The N would throw out episodes of Degrassi Junior High or Degrassi High, which, if you don’t know, are where Snake, Spike, and many of the other adult characters on Degrassi: The Next Generation were established as characters.
The layers of Degrassi run deep, y’all.
Video Source: Instant Star – The Official Channel
I’m not kidding when I say these shows had a hold on me. In fact, KP actually found me a star ring to match Alexz Johnson’s in Instant Star that I still own to this very day.
I also know I can’t be the only one personally victimized by J.T.’s death in Degrassi: The Next Generation.
I wanted to be Lily from Radio Free Roscoe more than I can express, and Girls v. Boys instilled a lifelong love of reality competitions games like Big Brother, The Mole, The Traitors, etc..
Girls v. Boys was also just essentially a mix of The Challenge, Survivor, and The Real World for teenagers, so I couldn’t possibly imagine why it had a short run.
O’Grady just fueled my love of cartoons, especially weird ones.
Video Source: ninjadudevideos
Daria eventually also ran on The N, but my obsession began before then (or should I say the-n).
The N is one of those special little things that can’t fully be replicated. It was the perfect amount of dramatic and weird and cool, and, oh yeah, IT HAD A SHOW WHERE TEENAGERS WERE PARTICIPATING ON A COMPETITION REALITY SHOW.
However, we’ll keep the spirit of The N alive.
Whatever it takes.
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Lights, Camera, Albums: Olivia Rodrigo’s GUTS
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping another edition of Lights, Camera, Albums into the ol’ VCR.
In today’s edition of Lights, Camera, Albums, we’re going to cover Olivia Rodrigo’s sophomore album, GUTS. GUTS is like a mix of the Freaky Friday and 10 Things I Hate About You soundtracks, so it only seems logical to give it the Lights, Camera, Albums treatment. Also, we’ve already done SOUR, and I’m a completionist.
If you’re new here, Lights, Camera, Albums is a series where I pair each song on an album with a movie. Sometimes, it’s obvious. Other times, I have to over explain myself into oblivion, and you still need to tilt your head and squint. Fun!
Without further ado, let’s jump into Lights, Camera, Albums: Olivia Rodrigo’s GUTS.
“all-american bitch” as Saved!
You can’t listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t scream 10 Things I Hate About You, but I digress (because I already used 10 Things for another edition of LCA).
Saved! is a wonderful runner up though. I can picture Cassandra (Eva Amurri) singing this to Hilary Faye (Mandy Moore) as Hilary Faye tries to convert her YET AGAIN. Also, I’ve had Saved! in my back pocket since the concept of Lights, Camera, Albums, and I finally had the perfect place for it.
“bad idea right?” as Bridesmaids
The older I get, the more I appreciate Bridesmaids. I also more than understand Annie’s (Kristen Wiig) self-destructive behaviors, including when she continues to hook up with Ted (Jon Hamm). Ted is absolutely horrible, and her best friend, Lillian (Maya Rudolph), tries to tell her multiple times how bad this situation is.
“vampire” as Renfield
Renfield is obviously a bit more reserved and wouldn’t use the exact lyrics from “vampire.” But, I can see him, in his sweet little rainbow sweater, singing this to Dracula when he finally stands up to him.
“lacy” as Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
I would love nothing more than to hear Michael Cera sing “lacy,” let alone Scott Pilgrim. Scott (Micheal Cera, obvi) and Envy (Brie Larson) had an awful breakup, and Envy went on to front a super successful band, so it’s hard for Scott to escape her. Envy sucks, but Scott still has some feelings for her.
They’re definitely into pegging (no judgement).
“ballad of a homeschooled girl” as Lady Bird
I know that Lady Bird (Saoirse Ronan) wasn’t homeschooled, but in true adolescent fashion, she’s very dramatic, and every single thing is seen like it’s the end of the world.
“making the bed” as Heathers
In Heathers, Veronica (Winona Ryder) “upgrades” her friend group and ditches her old best friend, Betty (Renée Estevez), for popularity and for the Heathers. She doesn’t want to go to a party, but Heather Chandler (Kim Walker, RIP) forces her to by threatening to make her a social pariah. Veronica obviously doesn’t deserve the things she goes through, but she chose to make herself miserable by choosing the Heathers.
“logical” as Cruel Intentions
Much like Saved!, I’ve been holding on to Cruel Intentions for the right moment. I see “logical” being written from Annette’s (Reese Witherspoon) perspective after Sebastian (Ryan Phillippe) rejects her. They do eventually end up together (for a brief time, anyway), but Sebastian rejects her after he begins to feel guilty about the bet.
“get him back!” as Rosaline
First and foremost, I think Rosaline is criminally underrated. Secondly, Katilyn Dever is a national treasure. Anyway. Rosaline is a modern-ish (it’s still set in the same time period, but you’ll see what I mean) retelling of Romeo (Kyle Allen) and Juilet (Isabela Merced), from the perspective of Juliet’s cousin, and Romeo’s ex-girlfriend, Rosaline (Kaitlyn Dever). After Juliet catches Romeo’s eye, Rosaline is willing to try just about anything to “get him back!”
Kathryn Merteuil is somehow a mix of Buffy and Faith with a sprinkling of Darla.
“love is embarrassing” as He’s Just Not That Into You
This one was an easy connection for me. He’s Just Not That Into You shows us love from all sides, and it doesn’t leave out any of the embarrassing parts.
“the grudge” as The Beguiled (2017)
I know there’s an original, but we’re going with Sofia Coppola’s because this is my blog. Surprisingly, I’m not the biggest fan of The Beguiled (I don’t think it’s a bad movie, but it’s not 100% my bag), but I do think it’s a wonderful representation of “the grudge.” Did Martha (Nicole Kidman) really need to amputate Corporal McBurney’s (Colin Farrell) leg, or was it because she caught him in bed with Alicia (Elle Fanning)? Sounds like a grudge to me.
“pretty isn’t pretty” as Sierra Burgess is a Loser
Okay, listen. I’m a sucker for a teen movie, so yes, I have seen Sierra Burgess is a Loser. Sierra (Shannon Purser) uses Veronica (Kristine Froseth) as her proxy because Veronica is “prettier,” and she doesn’t want to reveal her real identity to Jamey (Noah Centineo). Fuck traditional beauty standards and the idea of leagues. Sure, every single person won’t be attracted to you, and you won’t be attracted to every single person, but we have to get over these stupid convictions society has.
“teenage dream” as Sixteen Candles
I know that Liv sings about blowing out her 19 candles, but her mentality about growing up immediately made me think of Sam Baker’s (Molly Ringwald) in Sixteen Candles. Sam keeps wondering when she’s going to get a boyfriend, and, much like Lady Bird, carries some adolescent drama.
Hey, ScarJo, do you need a bandaid for that scab?
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“Everyone’s Entitled To One Good Scare”: A Spotlight On John Carpenter
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the work of John Carpenter into the ol’ VCR.
Now, I’m not shy to admit that Halloween (1978) is my favorite horror movie of all time. I have a Laurie Strode tattoo, countless pieces of memorabilia around my house, and I own all of the movies on DVD or Blu-Ray.
John Carpenter directed and wrote with Debra Hill (RIP) one of the absolute greatest horror movies of all time. The storyline is straightforward… a babysitter and her pals are stalked on Halloween night by a man who killed his own sister as a child.
When you try to get past the Spectrum table at Walmart without being noticed.
He’s seemingly indestructible, and he’s presented as a void. Hell, he’s referred to as “The Shape” in the credits.
However, this piece of horror history catapulted Jamie Lee Curtis into stardom, launched a franchise, and made John Carpenter a legend.
I know that I probably don’t need to list any of his credits, but after Halloween (and Assault on Precinct 13), John Carpenter went on to direct even more of my favorite horror movies, including:- The Thing
- Christine
- The Fog
- Body Bags
- Prince of Darkness
And that’s not even mentioning his non-horror work like Big Trouble in Little China and Escape from New York.
I love John Carpenter because he’s always had this gritty, DIY feel about him. He wrote the infamous theme to Halloween. Debra Hill was in the costume for the famous scenes in the beginning of Halloween, shot from Micheal’s POV. They allegedly couldn’t afford lighting, so scenes aren’t purposely dark.
It’s honestly super punk rock.
I can’t tell you how long this has been on my dream couple’s costume list.
Like Robert Rodriguez, it’s also super obvious that you’re watching a John Carpenter movie. I don’t know if it’s the style or the music or both, but there’s no mistaking a Carpenter flick for anything else.
Thank you, John, for not only giving me my favorite horror movie of all time, but for creating one of the defining movies for horror fans.
We salute you. 🫡
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Dear Christmas, The Straights Are Out Of Control
Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Emily Moss Wilson’s Dear Christmas into the ol’ VCR.
Friends, I know it’s the holiday season, but I’m about to eviscerate a cheesy Christmas movie. We let this happen, and the straights are truly out of control.
Now listen, everyone did the best they could with what they had. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a whole lot.
“Hey, Jason, do you want to start a recap podcast with me?”
Jason Priestly’s character is named Chris Massey. The man’s name is CHRISTMASSY.
Yeah, so. There’s that.
The only way I could probably convey my emotions to all of you is through everyone’s favorite: a stream of consciousness blog.
If you’re new around here, I write down my genuine emotions while watching a movie. Outside of fixing any typos or editing ever-so-slightly for clarity, these are my sincere thoughts. Anyone who knows me can attest to this.
Grab your tow truck hot chocolate and old journal, and let’s get started.
Jesus’ birth looks different than I thought it would.
- Of course she’s a podcaster.
- I can’t decide if Earmuffs is either the best or the worst name for a podcast company I’ve ever heard.
- I lost count of how many cliches MJH strung together to describe true love.
- I love that the budget was so small that they couldn’t even film her in a car.
- It’s the sexy Christmas music when Jason Priestly gets out of the truck for me.
- Ed Begley Jr. deserves way better than this.
- When she said, “You look familiar,” I really wanted him to say, “Yeah, because I’m Jason Priestly.”
- Cato sponsored this film.
- Grandma really said, “Don’t ruin this holiday with your birth, baby.”
- All of the couples in the listener videos clearly hate each other.
- Listen, not to be that guy, but I was in band for six years, and, uh, there were no red flutes.
- Can you imagine if she went to bed in a tank top and opened that window to Jason with a titty out?
- I don’t understand why she’s so baffled at the fact that Mr. Christmas professionally hangs Christmas lights.
- How in the name of childhood trauma did she forget about him?
- Girl, what did you trip over? Your repressed memories?
- Her parents are definitely swingers.
- Man, I wish I was an investment banker that could buy a bookstore on a whim.
- OKAY FINE, I DID GET A LITTLE MISTY EYED AT THE WHOLE TOWN PUTTING HEARTS IN THE WINDOWS FOR HEALTHCARE WORKS. ACAB, THOUGH.
- I think she’d prefer for him to get into her gift basket, if you catch my drift.
- I have no idea how Natalie’s name correlates to Christmas unless she’s sincerely saying it’s derived from nativity.
- I swear to god that their outside Christmas decorations change every single time they’re outside.
- Her sister sincerely just asked that man if he was going to bang MJH with a present euphemism.
- NO FAMILY TALKS LIKE THIS. My sister once stabbed me in the head with a fork over a brownie. That’s normal.
- Wait…if Billy is also coming from Chicago, and that’s where Natalie came from, could he not just drive to their house?
- I know I’m sober, but choosing to make their kitchen cutesy scene centered around making cocktails is a WEIRD artist decision.
- My man, this night is clear as day.
- Shoutout to her dad for doing the bare minimum and counting it as a Christmas gift.
- Her sister’s baby bump has moved around at least four times in this movie.
- I was waiting for the dead wife angle and was almost bummed that it wasn’t a plot point.
- This is the most sensual glass blowing scene I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
- Her sister’s hair is way too hip for this movie.
- Okay, so let’s recap. Her sister is in labor, and she can’t go to the ball, and THAT’S the conflict?
- What in the name of the fear of copyright infringement is this Christmas song?
- But seriously. This man just sang “glow with ornaments and lights.”
- Let’s not even begin to talk about how problematic it is that Penny is dating her employee…who works in HR.
- GIRL, YOU’RE GOING TO LET ONE THING YOUR BOSS, WHO IS DATING HER EMPLOYEE, SAID COMPLETELY DERAIL A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
- Her mom basically just gave her the same advice from Bo Burnham’s song about love.
- Silly grandma, Oliver can’t smoke cigars! He looks like more of a menthol baby.
- I would crawl in a hole and die if my family had me stand next to a person I liked and made them hold my sister’s baby.
- I’m honestly a little obsessed with the idea of depressed Christmas cookies.
- I’d be so pissed if someone dumped me and then said, “OH DON’T WORRY, I FOUND MY EIGHTH GRADE JOURNAL, AND I LIKED YOU BACK THEN, SO TRUE LOVE TOOK TIME, AND WE CAN BE TOGETHER!”
- I’m sorry, Nat, but you’ve got nothing on Delilah.
- I was going to talk smack about her sharing their story on the podcast…and then I remembered I’ve written about multiple people. Whoops.
- Girl, you just said that man’s Christian name on a global show. I’ve never even been that bold.
- Did he essentially just give her a…promise ring? In their 30s?
- These credits are tiny because they don’t even want to be seen with this film.
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