B Movies Blog

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January 2026

January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)

January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)

January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)

January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)

January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)

January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)

January 9 – Primate (Theaters)

January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)

January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)

January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)

January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)

January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)

January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)

January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)

January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)

January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)

January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)

January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)

February 2026

February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)

February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)

February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)

February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)

February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)

February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)

February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)

February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)

February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)

February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)

February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)

February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)

March 2026

March 5 – Ted (Peacock)

March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)

March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)

March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)

March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)

March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)

March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)

March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)

March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)

April 2026

April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)

April 8 – The Boys (Prime)

April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)

April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)

April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)

April 17 – Normal (Theaters)

May 2026

May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)

May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)

May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)

May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)

June 2026

June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)

June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)

July 2026

July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)

July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)

August 2026

August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)

August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)

August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)

September 2026

September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)

September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)

September 18 – Play House (Theaters)

September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)

October 2026

October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)

October 2 – Digger (Theaters)

October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)

October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)

October 23 – Remain (Theaters)

November 2026

November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)

December 2026

December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)

December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)

December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Robert Iscove’s From Justin to Kelly into the ol’ VCR. 

Before I get started, I want to give a huge thank you to Jaime French, who covered this movie in her Makeup & Movies series. It inspired this piece, and you should definitely check out her channel. 

Much like a new Slayer emerging, I remember this movie exists every few years (yes, I know the correct version of the line is that “into every generation a Slayer is born,” but cut me some slack for the sake of the reference). From Justin to Kelly is PAINFULLY rooted in the early aughts, down to Kelly’s denim skirts and twisted updos. This movie honestly watches like a rejected Mary-Kate and Ashley screenplay where they couldn’t get the rights to…anything. 

I should also mention this movie is a musical. If you’re asking me why on earth I’m including such an obvious sentence, it’s because the first musical number doesn’t start until seven and a half minutes in and has ZERO lead in. As in, Kelly’s shitty friend Alexa just GRABS a guy and starts singing to and dancing with him. Jaime French wasn’t kidding in her video when she discusses how startling the musical numbers are. I wonder what Simon Cowell and his baby gap tees had to say about the final cut. 

Funnily enough, the endings of the song and dance numbers are equally abrupt; it’s almost like watching a reverse flash mob. As controversial as it may be, From Justin to Kelly walked so the likes of Teen Beach Party and High School Musical could run. The biggest difference between these movies being that most of the dancers in From Justin to Kelly seem to be invertebrates. And, Kelly and Justin seem to sing telepathically to each other in one scene. Brady and Mack could never. 

From Justin to Kelly came out in 2003, so you can imagine how women are objectified. To clarify, the entire movie is set in Florida during Spring Break. So yes, there are obligatory and gratuitous references to a whipped cream bikini contest. There are also numerous references to food being unhealthy. However, I will say it could be worse, considering the setting and timeframe. 

Now, there is a darkside to From Justin to Kelly, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. Kelly Clarkson was forced to do this film, as part of her American Idol contract. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Kelly Clarkson describes how miserable she was during this entire process: 

“I begged them—since I had to do it contractually—I wanted my single to be released before the movie came out and I think that literally saved my career,” she said. “It was ‘Miss Independent.’ The fact that that was successful, I think that overcame what the movie was.”

– Kelly Clarkson

Kelly goes on to state, “I can get over the fact that it’s silly and cute—that’s not embarrassing to me at all. I just don’t find it very cool that somebody makes you do something that is not your passion and you don’t want to do.”

If you didn’t think From Justin to Kelly was about to spur a larger discussion on the pressures of Hollywood, you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are young stars taken advantage of, especially women? In this case, it looks like the winner of American Idol, regardless of gender, had to fulfill this obligation, but why? 

Contestants on American Idol are often new to fame, so to lock them into an iron-clad deal, especially for an area of the arts they have little to no interest in, is just gross. We’re beginning to see more and more representation in film, be it size, LGBTQIA+, or POC inclusion, but there’s still so much pressure placed on singers and actors alike, and so much room for representation and inclusion. I’m not saying I have the answers, but I’m saying we need to do better. 

From Justin to Kelly is a silly romp that serves as a time capsule for those of us who grew up in the early to mid-aughts. I think it would be served best with the likes of High School Musical or The Challenge. Side effects may include yearning for chunky highlights, searching for platform sandals on Google, and wanting to attach ties to the nearest skirt. 

From Justin to Kelly is now streaming on Amazon Prime.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Chris McKay’s Renfield into the ol’ VCR. 

Let’s be honest. I’m, in no way, surprised at how much I enjoyed Renfield. With Nic Cage as Dracula, Nicholas Holt as Renfield, and both Awkwafina and Ben Schwartz involved, there wasn’t a lot of room for failure. 

Renfield is one of those movies that reminds you why you love going to the theater. It’s the perfect combination of comedy, cheese, and Count Dracula. Renfield also does a wonderful job of staying faithful to its source material (unless you count the CGI rendering of the original footage with Nic Cage and Nicholas Holt’s faces on their respective characters) but also revamps (pun intended) the characters we’ve seen over and over before. 

He’s come a long way from yelling about alphabetizing. 

You’ll get a sweet serotonin boost as Renfield evolves from spineless servant to heartful hero. You’ll be happy for him and his little, colorful apartment and wardrobe. You’ll find yourself rooting for a character who is trying his best while also ripping limbs from countless villains. 

Also, Ben Schwartz essentially plays Jean-Ralphio Saperstein by the way of Tony Montana, and it’s an absolute delight. 

Also also, I’m mad at each and every one of you for not telling me how hot Nicholas Holt is. I don’t know if it’s because he’s giving big “I can fix him” energy or what, but boy howdy. I digress. 

Seriously. All of you are going straight to jail for keeping this from me. 

Renfield is exceptionally gory; however, it’s so outlandish and cartoonish that I think those with a weak stomach and/or those who aren’t horror movie fans could handle it. People in my theater laughed at some of the more gruesome scenes, to put things in perspective. 

I don’t want Renfield to meet the same fate as other big franchises, but I would like to see another movie with this cast. And, I do think the ending leaves the possibility open. Again, I don’t want this movie diluted down to a never-ending comedy horror franchise, but if there’s a sequel, I’ll be there. 

So friends, head on down to your movie theater of choice, grab a popcorn and soda (or full meal, depending where you are), and snuggle in for a good time. I command it.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Hamish Steele’s series Dead End: Paranormal Park into the ol’ VCR. 

I’m going to come in hot on this one. I absolutely adore this show, and it’s a travesty that it was canceled by Netflix. When the announcement came through, I was heartbroken. Dead End: Paranormal Park is not only executed well, but its representation is incredible. There are multiple POC characters and several LGBTQIA+ characters, including a trans male lead who is voiced by trans actor Zach Barack. 

Although Hamish Steele said the story will be concluded in the next entry of DeadEndia, the graphic novels on which the series was based, it’s still upsetting to know we won’t see it brought to life through a streamer. 

Dead End: Paranormal Park focuses on Barney and Norma as they navigate the mysteries and supernatural goings on at the theme park where they work. Along the way, Barney and Norma encounter new friends and paranormal enemies. Oh yeah, and Barney’s pug, Pugsley, becomes possessed, retains a shard of said demon’s soul, and gains the ability to speak. If it couldn’t get any better, Pugsley is voiced by Alex Brightman. Needless to say, I have Pugsley on my list of future tattoos. 

If you’re anything like me, Dead End: Paranormal Park will make you laugh, sob, and everything in-between. This series is also for fans of Gravity Falls, The Owl House, and Steven Universe. Believe me, if you love those shows, you’ll adore this one. I’d savor the two seasons available on Netflix. I’m a binge watching queen, but space these episodes out — trust me, the emotional beats will pack more of a punch. 

I know I usually have a witty little quip to end my pieces, but I just love this show so much; I can’t tell you how many people I’ve recommended it to. I hope you watch it and get swept up in this creepy and heartfelt world. 

P.S. (which in this case apparently stands for Patrick Stump) Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy voices a character and works on the musical episode, and it’s a delight. 

Both seasons of Paranormal Park: Dead End are streaming on Netflix.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Taylor King’s Super Hot into the ol’ VCR. 

We all know Amazon Prime is the host to the weirdest and wildest collection of horror movies. However, every so often, you find a diamond in the rough. Super Hot gleams in the mine, my friends. It almost feels like Hot Rod if Akiva Schaffer had gone the horror route, and Rob was trying to save Denise from vampires alongside Jonathan. Akiva, if you need an idea for Hot Rod 2, it’s sitting right here. 

Another reason I love Super Hot is its depiction of being a teenager in a small town. It reminds me so much of my friends from high school, down to the pop punk and faux Arctic Monkeys on the radio. We also all know that guy who works at the comic book and memorabilia store. The one who doesn’t think you’re worthy enough to be in the store, let alone buy whatever you’ve placed on the counter. 

Learn from my mistakes and don’t Google “Super Hot movie” 

Super Hot, in a way, represents the last big adventure you have with your friends the summer after senior year. Sure, there will be friends who stick around, but the only contact you’ll have with others is in your memories. I’m at risk of turning a piece about a low-budget horror movie about hot vampires trying to resurrect Dracula for eternal youth into a heartfelt piece focused on childhood memories. So, I’ll leave it at this: Thank you to my nerd herd. We’ve all gone our separate ways, but I’m so glad y’all were in my life for the time you were. 🖤

MOVING ON. Super Hot is worth the watch, and without spoiling too much, I’m glad we’ll see a couple of characters in Taylor King’s upcoming Van Helsing. This movie would be best served sandwiched in-between Slice and Satanic Panic in a triple feature. So go ahead and grab yourself a slice of this gem while it’s Super Hot. 

Super Hot is now streaming on Amazon Prime.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett’s Scream VI into the ol’ VCR. 

I’m not going to bury the lede on this one. I think Scream VI is the overall weakest entry in the Scream franchise thus far. HOWEVER, I still had a really good time with it. Because, in my humble little opinion, the Scream franchise shows that you don’t have to sacrifice quality as the franchise expands. In fact, I think the Scream franchise has the most consistent quality of any horror franchise. I said what I said. 

Listen, I’m a Halloween girl, through and through. I have a Laurie Strode tattoo to prove my loyalty. However, Halloween VI and Halloween Ends both suck. I love the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, but after Dream Master, it gets rough (I’m especially looking at you, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare). Friday the 13th is extremely hit or miss after Friday the 13th Part 2 (although Jason X did give one of the best scenes in the entire franchise). 

I’ve never been disappointed by a Scream movie. I’ll defend Scream 3 because every franchise has some stinkers. And, compared to some of the duds I’ve mentioned, Scream 3 comes out smelling like a rose. It has PARKER FREAKING POSEY, for crying out loud. I’ll defend Gale’s bangs. Try me. 

Speaking of Scream 3, I’m going to give another controversial opinion here (as if I haven’t already). Tonally, Scream VI is giving a mix of Scream 2 and Scream 3, with an emphasis on Scream 3. Again, I said what I said. 

Gale and her bangs are here to back me up. 

Scream VI marks the return of the self-proclaimed “Core Four” from Scream (2022) after they’ve moved to New York in an attempt to start over after the events of the year before. This goes without saying, but we have a new slew (pun intended) of characters added into the mix. We also have a new set of rules, as according to Mindy, we’ve officially entered franchise territory.  I’m not going to spoil Scream VI, but take the advice of legacy characters from Screams past: don’t trust anyone. 

I had a really good time with Scream VI, and I’d recommend watching Scream 4 and Scream (2022) for a refresher. If you’re feeling extremely frisky, watch all the Screams of yore. There are tons of Easter eggs* and nods to the Screams of yesteryear, so if you haven’t revisited previous entries of the franchise recently, now’s the time. I know there are already rumors swirling of Scream VII, and I can only hope Mindy Meeks-Martin will return because she’s one of the best new characters in the entire franchise. 

*Two of my favorites being someone dressed as The Babadook on the subway and a college student dressed as Rod from Hot Rod at the frat party. 

Our queen 

I know I’ve mentioned that Scream VI is comparatively the weakest entry in the Scream series, so I figured I would give you all my current ranking as a standard of comparison. Here goes: 

1. Scream (1996)
2. Scream 2 
3. Scream 4 
4. Scream (2022)
5. Scream 3 
6. Scream VI

Bias aside, Scream VI is a fun ride, and it makes for a wonderful theater experience. The Scream franchise is also unique in that it’s impossible for the trailer to spoil the movie; you can’t allude to Ghostface’s identity without a hell of a lot of exposition. We know who the killers will be in our franchises, but Ghostface’s identity is never the same. 

Scream’s roots are in meta commentary, which allows the franchise to easily adapt to its audience. Samara Weaving’s character even discusses this in the opening sequence. I think Scream VI is a welcome entry into the Scream franchise, and I’m really interested to see where the franchise will go next. You meta believe I’ll be waiting for the next entry. 

Pictured: Sam watching a student production of Rent.

Scream VI is now streaming on Paramount+.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the ol’ B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Anthony DiBlasi’s Last Shift into the VCR. 

With the announcement/release of Malum, I wanted to revisit Last Shift. Since we’re all friends here, I’m going to be honest: I didn’t like Last Shift the first time I watched it. However, I’ve become a convert in the years since. 

In my humble little opinion, the subtle and simple scares are the most effective tool in Last Shift’s belt. The sounds of bones cracking, the phone all but rattling off its cradle, and the video clips from interviews with the Paymon family do it for me; I could do without the bigger scares, like the scene where the bodies of the Paymon family are all vibrating in the background of the holding cell akin to something you’d see in a 90s nu metal music video. 

I was honestly really impressed during this viewing. The scenes where Officer Loren turns for what only appears to be a moment to find something unexplainable are “chef’s kiss.* The cutaways to the stacked chairs and the hallway-lined photos are brilliant, and they’re both examples of low budget horror at its finest. 

Also, the dialogue in the interview clips is extremely well-written, and one line has stuck with me for days. When Kitty Paymon is talking about bludgeoning someone to death, she says, “She didn’t even look like people anymore.” The delivery of the line and the line itself are both haunting, and they show us how disconnected the Paymon family is from reality. 

I also have a wild conspiracy theory I’d like to throw out. What if the entity the Paymon family is worshiping is the same entity from Hereditary? Think about it. Both groups discuss a king of Hell, and one of the girls even slams her face into the table in the investigation room a la Peter. I’m just saying. 👀

My only complaint, and I use the term lightly, is the timeline. It feels out of time because the interview clips are reminiscent of the 60s or 70s. But, in the interrogation room scene where Officer Loren watches a woman shoot herself to commemorate the death of John Michael Paymon, she says he was killed a year prior. Additionally, the photo Officer Loren finds in her father’s old locker makes it seem as though her father was killed when she was young. Maybe it’s an old photo? Regardless, this mystery doesn’t hurt the movie’s watchability in the least. 

Last Shift is a welcome addition to the “sins of the father” horror subgenre, and I’m interested to see how the story is reimagined in Malum.Last Shift is another shining example of low budget horror, and shows how big budgets don’t necessarily make a better movie. My recommendation would be to watch Last Shift with all the lights off and to pair it with the Father’s Day segment from Holidays as your pre-show.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the ol’ B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Lynn Shelton’s Laggies into the VCR. 

Laggies hold a special place in my heart for two big reasons: 

1. It’s one of the first A24 movies I watched.
2. It always seems to find me when I need it. 

I first watched Laggies when I was a recent college grad who was working two jobs and had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I rented Laggies from a Redbox at the HEB I was working at on a whim. I’d seen the trailer, but I hadn’t read much about it. By the end of the movie, I was crying because I knew how Megan felt. Granted, I haven’t had the same friend group and boyfriend since high school, but I fully understood where Megan was coming from. 

I felt so untethered, and I was absolutely miserable. I was drinking a lot to “have fun,” but I was lying to myself and everyone around me. I did have some good times during my early to mid-20s, but I absolutely used alcohol as a crutch. It’s also one of the main reasons I don’t drink anymore. 

I had created this idea in my head that I was squandering my potential, and people were expecting so much more of me. I’d graduated at the top of my class in high school, and I’d been involved in Residence Life throughout college. Then, I graduated. Regardless of what your parents or loved ones tell you, nothing prepares you for life after college. For the first time in my life, there wasn’t a plan. College was the plan. 

I’ll be honest. It took me years to find my footing as an adult. But, there’s nothing wrong with my timeline. It might have taken years of drinking and working jobs I hated and having my heart broken numerous times to realize it’s okay. I eventually stopped drinking and found a good job. I cut out some people who didn’t have my best interests in mind. I become comfortable in my own skin. I started prioritizing my own mental health. I stopped being afraid to say no. 

That’s one of the most important takeaways in Laggies. You can release the past. You can put yourself first. You can make your trajectory. Your path might be full of curves and forks, or it might be a straight shot. As long as you’re happy, healthy, and not harming yourself or others, it’s okay to get a little lost. 

You also don’t have to live up to the expectations of others, and familiarity isn’t synonymous with happiness. It might take you befriending a group of high school kids and falling in love with one of their dads to get there (we can all agree that Sam Rockwell is a stone-cold fox), but you’ll get there. 

RIP Lynn Shelton, and thank you so much for directing a movie I find something new in with each watch. 

Laggies is now streaming on HBO Max. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back yet again to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Robbie Banfitch’s The Outwaters into the ol’ VCR. 

Before I begin, I feel the need to include one of my trademark disclaimers. If you’re new to my writing or new to the blog, here’s the spiel: 

The great thing about movies is that we can discuss and debate them. Just because I think a movie is great doesn’t make it a good movie, and just because I think a movie is awful doesn’t make it a bad movie. Also, making a movie is extremely difficult and incredibly badass, and I don’t want to detract from the process. 

This being said, I’m also here to give you all honest reviews. Again, this is my opinion, and I think you should watch movies and form your own thoughts. And yes, there are gonna be spoilers. 👀

The Outwaters caused quite a splash across social media with its guerilla marketing, from PR boxes with bloody handprints and crudely-written messages to trailers from each character’s perspective. I have to say as a marketing gal, it gets a big ol’ *chef’s kiss* from me. However, let’s get into the film itself. 

The Outwaters follows brothers Robbie and Scott as they drive out to the desert with their friend Ange to get some shots for up-and-coming singer Michelle’s album art. As you can probably guess, the group has weird experiences that eventually lead to, uh, being dragged into Hell or a Hell-adjacent dimension (think the flashing scenes of Hell from Event Horizon, but filmed in a dark warehouse with the only source of light being a flashlight from the local Dollar Tree). 

Image caption: I will say the price of batteries is a steal, though!

We take in the sights and sounds of Hell (I swear I’m not meaning to make it sound like a highly sought after tourist destination) through Robbie’s perspective. And, I say this lightly (except, it’s actually darkly) — we don’t really see anything. 

The Outwaters is more of an experience than a movie, and I think it might be better served as a short film or experience. We rarely see what Robbie is actually experiencing. Instead, we’re met with screams and groans and, in one case, nipple-rubbing. 

I know the first half of the film has been criticized for being a bit slow, but I don’t think the pacing is the issue; I don’t think there’s enough of a payoff. I fully understand the descent into Hell is meant to be disorienting and gnarly, but this is a case for show don’t tell. 

I also understand Robbie eviscerates and castrates himself in the final moments in an attempt to free himself from his nightmarish time loop, but, I feel like it’s inconsistent with the rest of the film. If the decision is to not show a good chunk of gore, I don’t think we should’ve seen Robbie’s injuries. Or, at the very least, I don’t think we should’ve seen the injuries in full detail. 

I know I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent, so for the sake of true movie reviewing, I want to delve into what I liked about The Outwaters. 

First and foremost, I think using three memory cards to represent the film’s three acts is extremely clever. 

Also, those horrid little snake creatures are absolutely terrifying — they’re like elongated versions of the slugs from Slither but with the tenacity of the Graboids from Tremors. I don’t know how the crew managed to create these revolting reptiles, but I’m so glad they did. 

Lastly, I loved one of the final shots in the film. The wide shot of Ange, Michelle, and Scott’s mutilated heads on pyres is impactful, not only because we can tell how much this trio endured, but because it reiterates Robbie is totally alone. 

Although I was let down by The Outwaters, I think it’s worth the watch. You can tell Robbie Banfitch poured so much love into this movie, and he’s definitely made his way onto my radar. I think The Outwaters didn’t work for me only because we’ve seen time loops before, and unfortunately, we’ve seen them done better. The Blair Witch Project. The Circle. Resolution. Just to name a few. 

And, that’s the danger of tackling a known horror genre. If you’re going to present a new offering, you have to be just as good, if not better than, your predecessors. I admire Robbie Banfitch’s moxie, though. Sometimes, you have to be willing to go to Hell and back for your art. Literally. 

The Outwaters is now streaming on Screambox.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Kyle Edward Ball’s Skinamarink into the ol’ VCR. 

Before I begin, I feel the need to include one of my trademark disclaimers. If you’re new to my writing or new to the blog, here’s the spiel: 

The great thing about movies is that we can discuss and debate them. Just because I think a movie is great doesn’t make it a good movie, and just because I think a movie is awful doesn’t make it a bad movie. Also, making a movie is extremely difficult and incredibly badass, and I don’t want to detract from the process. I also applaud the crew for making this movie on such a small budget. Seriously, it’s incredible 

Disclaimer aside, pretend all of your doors and windows have disappeared, and settle in for my review of Skinamarink. 

CW/TW: representation/allusion to child ab*s*, child harm/endangerment, su*c*d*

Oh Skinamarink, I was rooting so hard for you, and I think you have incredible potential. However, you were at least 45 minutes too long for me, and you relied on cheap jump scares when you didn’t need them. 

Let this also be a lesson in not underestimating your audience. The metaphors are there, and some scenes are masterfully done — there were even a handful that disturbed me, and I still think about them. However, we don’t need to be bombarded by abstract imagery and looped scenes to understand what’s happening In This House. 

Finally, and this is just a personal preference, but please add subtitles to all of the dialogue, not select pieces. I would probably be killed in the first few minutes of the movie because I would have to ask the sinister forces in the house to speak up because I couldn’t hear and/or understand them. 

Okay, all of the bad aside, let’s talk about what I really enjoyed from this movie and some of my theories. First and foremost, I’m not being hyperbolic when I say some scenes from this movie stuck with me. In particular, the scenes that made me crawl under my skin were: 

• The phone scene (not the jump scare, but the shadows) 
• The blood splatter scene 
• The Kaylee scene (IYKYK)
• And, last but not least, the whole knife scene 

These scenes are what kept me from hating this movie. They’re simple, yet impactful. Additionally, these scenes remind you that this film is from a child’s POV and take you back to your childhood nightmares. Remember the fear of not knowing what truly lies in the dark, or the shadows that common objects made at night. 

Remember not being able to comprehend what’s going on in the world around you, so you have to process events in terms you understand. It’s extremely powerful. On this note, I want to throw out my theories on what I believe Skinamarink represents. 

I know I put a CW/TW up top, but I want to give one more warning here. The metaphors, at least in my eyes, are very intense and could be triggering. Needless to say, I won’t blame you if you need to stop reading here. If so, jump ahead to the next section. 

I have two major theories for Skinamarink. The first is a bit more obvious than the other, so we’re going to go from plausible to “I watch a lot of true crime.” My first theory is the children are being abused, and it might even be at the hands of their own mother. Kaylee doesn’t want to talk about her mother when Kevin brings her up, and the entity presents itself to Kaylee as her mother when it calls her upstairs. I believe the guilt and/or the parents’ imminent divorce has also lead the childrens’ mother to commit or attempt suicide. This is why her discussion with Kaylee is cut off midway through. 

I know this is extremely heavy, so I’m going to take a beat. And again, I won’t blame you if you need to skip down.

Okay, here’s my second theory: I believe the children were abducted from their home and are being abused and tortured by a kidnapper. To avoid any confusion, this is the “I watch a lot of true crime” theory. The doors and windows disappear because Kaylee and Kevin are being held in a dark space, which also accounts for the feelings of perpetual darkness; it even explains the toilet disappearing and being replaced by buckets. Kevin also asks the entity for its name at the end of the film. 

The childrens’ parents are killed, and this is why Kaylee’s asked to look under the bed; they don’t want her to see their deaths. The presence later tells Kevin that Kaylee asked for her Mom and Dad, so it punished her. I buy into this theory more than my first theory, and I even thought we would be looking at crime scene photos when photographs initially began to flash across the screen. 

If you don’t want to commit to the full movie, Wendigoon does a really good analysis video over on his YouTube channel that I’d recommend. I don’t agree with his theories, but I think they might be right. Plus, Kyle Edward Ball made a short film called Heck, and it’s basically Skinamarink lite. I think it’s truly marvelous. 

I want to give Skinamarink kudos. For an experimental horror movie to have the theatrical run it did is unheard of, and I’m so glad horror movies like this, Terrifier 2, Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, etc.. are having theatrical success. I think it’s remarkable, and Skinamarink’s divisive nature shouldn’t undermine its positive impact. Although I wasn’t the biggest fan, I’ll definitely check out Kyle Edward Ball’s work in the future. 

Unless the Fisher Price phone comes for me first. 

Skinamarink is now streaming on Shudder.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the ol’ B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Sara Sugarman’s Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen into the VCR. 

Words cannot fully express the grip Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen had over me. I still have my copy of the book my mother went to the mall* and bought for me after the movie came out. Lola Stepp understood my soul when I felt like no one outside of my mom (herein referred to as KP) did. 

*I use this term lightly, as my hometown’s mall had no more than seven functioning stores at a time while I was alive. 

Now, I had friends. Hell, I’ve had the best friend for over 20 years, and a few of my other best friends are friends from childhood/people I grew up with. This includes the very friend who is editing my piece currently (Hey, El!). However, I never felt like I belonged in my hometown. Not in the wistfully looking out the window, listening to “Come Clean” teenage angst. I just felt like I could never fully be myself.

If you grew up with me, I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I know I wore a lot of bold clothing and said some of what was on my mind, but I didn’t fully come into my own for a long time. I needed to leave to fully become myself. 

I think I idolized Lola because she was herself, even when she lied. She wore what she wanted. She did what she wanted. She was what I wanted to be. My mom made a bunch of my clothes and accessories, and thrifted others, and looking back, I had the COOLEST stuff. I still mourn the vintage leather jacket and Souxie and the Banshees roadie tee I let get away because a kid teased me about them. 

I realize now people were a) jealous and b) didn’t understand because they didn’t have a fully formed scope of the world. A lot of people in my hometown hadn’t traveled very far or lived away from where they grew up. People thought my clothing was weird because they hadn’t seen it before, when in fact, I was actually so stylish and so ahead of my time. 

I also realize I had some toxic friends who were basically Jennifer Check clones from Jennifer’s Body (Carla Santini walked so Jennifer Check could run). It wasn’t until I moved and got older that I realized they were just trying to figure out life like I was, and we were all insecure, but acted on it in different ways. 

As an adult, I still channel Lola Stepp. I wear what I think is cool or what I like, and I try not to worry about what others think of me — it’s hard being both a Drama Queen and Anxiety Queen, but I’m doing my best. I also try to help teenage Baillee do all of the things she never could growing up. I’ve taken us on adventures, I’ve gotten us tattoos, I’ve shared our writing publicly instead of keeping it in notebooks in our bedroom. 

I try to give the girl looking up at the J14 and Tiger Beat posters on her ceiling, listening to the likes of Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance on her Zune the life she dreamed of. Because she was a Lola, even if some of those around her (outside of KP) didn’t see it. 

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is now streaming on Disney+.