B Movies Blog

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Jack Perez’s Monster Island (2004) into the ol’ VCR. 

I remembered this movie when I wrote the piece about the MTV I grew up with, and it’s finally time to pay the piper. 

IMO, Monster Island is the result of two things: Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro’s reality show, ‘Till Death Do Us Part, and MTV’s foray into meta-ish content based on their reality shows. 

Don’t worry, I already put the My Super Psycho Sweet 16 trilogy on the editorial calendar as well. 

This is Piranha Man, aka Bruce 

Premiering in 2004, Monster Island pays homage to the giant creature features of the 1950s…but with Carmen Electra. After winning a contest his little sister, Jen (Chelan Simmons), secretly entered him in, Josh (Daniel Letterle) and the rest of the senior class win a trip to a remote island to party. 

If you’re thinking, “But, Baillee, these are teenagers,” just remember that The N made Girls v. Boys. Moving on. 

The class roster includes Josh’s two best friends, Stack (Joe MacLeod) and Andy (Cascy Beddow), Josh’s ex-girlfriend, Maddy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, in one of her earliest film credits), Maddy’s new boyfriend, Chase (Chris Harrison), and his little sister who convinced the principal to let her tag along. 

Throw in Carmen Electra as herself, her bodyguard, Eightball (C. Ernst Harth), wannabe TRL host, Lil Mindi (Alana Husband), and others, and you have a certified recipe for insanity. 

Oh yeah, Nick Carter also pops in at one point as himself. 

Video source: joemacleodonline

Long story short, no adult, MTV employee, or faculty member decided to do their due diligence, and as it turns out, the island in question is in the Bermuda Triangle. 

…And it also houses giant insects and hybrids that decide to start flinging kids around mid-Carmen Electra performance, and kidnap both Carmen and Eightball. 

After a two-minute interaction with Carmen backstage where she told Josh he was funny, and he found out she has a bitchin’ CD collection, Josh makes it his mission to save Carmen from giant ants. 

Yes, I’m serious. 

In the spirit of FFS and Dear Christmas, I’ve decided it’s time for another stream of consciousness review. However, I’m shaking up the format a tad. This time, I’ve divided my thoughts up into two categories with a little wrap-up at the end. 

I’m growing and learning. 

Without further ado, let’s take a trip to Monster Island. 

The good 

• OMG, I FORGOT ABOUT CARMEN ELECTRA’S PERFORMANCE WHERE THE BACKGROUND IS THE TRADEMARK LOUIS VUITTON^® PATTERN BUT WITH HER INITIALS 
• The stop-motion figures and creatures are actually impressive
• The line, “Wham, bam, thanks, you’re dead!” needs to go on a shirt 
• Hey! At least it took 37 minutes for a “survival of the fittest” comment 
• The Art Department deserves major props on this one 
• I’ll give them the Harryhausen ref because that’s brilliant 
• Adam West is good in this movie. Like, really good. He deserves so much better than this. RIP 
• Rudy is so freaking cute though 
• I really want to know how the conversation with Nick Carter’s agent went 
• Okay, crediting all the bugs is *chef’s kiss* 

The bad 

• Josh sincerely read The Catcher in the Rye once and made it his entire personality 
• This man just about said, “I DON’T KNOW WHY MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME! ALL I DID WAS MAKE FUN OF ALL OF HER BELIEFS AND DO MY BEST J.D. FROM HEATHERS IMPRESSION AND ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.” 
• Oh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, you deserve the world, not to be cast as the “cool” girl in a TV movie 
• I feel like they really wanted Katharine Isabelle for this 
• Um, what on earth is this line about Hitler and the Republicans that I don’t think was meant to be kind of complimentary but it reads that way?
• Why are Jen and Stack fake boxing in the background?
• Bob’s debrief single-handedly hit every single one of the points they teach you to avoid in PR and Advertising 
• I feel like the screenwriters for this movie were paid handsomely by B- and C- list celebrities to write Josh’s inspirational speech about famous people 
• My question is, do all of these kids think that giant, killer bugs won’t touch them if they’re on a boat?
• Oh, they apparently won’t. Got it 
• “Ass boy” might be the weakest insult I’ve ever heard 
• What on earth is this fight scene? They’re just grabbing at each other’s sweaters?
• Also, how did the Creature from the Black Lagoon get involved? Is this The Island of Dr. Moreau Monster Mash? 
• Horror movie tip: Don’t ever, ever, ever put on jewelry that you find in a forest that looks really old, and dare I say, ancient 

This photo is honestly kind of a slay 

The conclusion

When I went to watch Monster Island, I had to type “Monster Is-” into the search bar before it yielded any results, as though Prime was trying to save me from myself. I digress. My overall thought is that Monster Island has potential, but it never quite reaches it. I will say the second half is MUCH stronger than the first half, though. 

This movie did make some sort of impression on me because I correctly and vividly remembered both Praying Mantis scenes, and it did come to mind when I was doing research for our MTV piece. However, there are times where Monster Island feels like a DCOM script that was aged up and reworked but not in a good way. 

Monster Island is goofy, but it’s nostalgic fun. Watching it made me want to drink Rain Snapple and slap on a puka shell anklet and Old Navy 4th of July shirt. It’s not a movie I would regularly watch, but I wouldn’t be mad at popping it in every now and again to show friends. 

There are times when I have to take a step back and ask myself what I’m doing here, and Monster Island is one of those times 

Adam West is an absolute gem in this movie, and I would be so bold to say he makes Monster Island more watchable than it would be otherwise. Additionally, I think Carmen Electra is great. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, God love her, does the best she can with what she’s given. Everyone else…is there. 

If you get the itch to revisit the MTV I grew up with, load this baby up. It reeks of 2004, and it holds up surprisingly well for a movie of its time. 

Just, y’know, maybe keep some industrial-sized bug spray ready.