Note: Check back for updates as new content is announced!

January 2026

January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)

January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)

January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)

January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)

January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)

January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)

January 9 – Primate (Theaters)

January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)

January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)

January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)

January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)

January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)

January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)

January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)

January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)

January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)

January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)

January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)

February 2026

February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)

February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)

February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)

February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)

February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)

February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)

February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)

February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)

February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)

February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)

February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)

February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)

March 2026

March 5 – Ted (Peacock)

March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)

March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)

March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)

March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)

March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)

March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)

March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)

March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)

April 2026

April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)

April 8 – The Boys (Prime)

April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)

April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)

April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)

April 17 – Normal (Theaters)

May 2026

May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)

May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)

May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)

May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)

June 2026

June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)

June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)

July 2026

July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)

July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)

August 2026

August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)

August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)

August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)

September 2026

September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)

September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)

September 18 – Play House (Theaters)

September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)

October 2026

October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)

October 2 – Digger (Theaters)

October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)

October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)

October 23 – Remain (Theaters)

November 2026

November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)

December 2026

December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)

December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)

December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some of the most brutal horror kills into the ol’ VCR. 

Alrighty, friends, let’s go ahead and give a disclaimer up top. 

This blog is obviously subjective; what’s “brutal” to me might not be “brutal” to you. There might be some scenes on here that seem tame, while others may be too much for someone to watch. 

I totally get it. 

These are the scenes I still think about. They don’t bother me, but they’re just the scenes that come to mind when someone asks me about graphic and gory death scenes. 

With that being said, this is another piece where I’m not going to say, “Yeah, you should TOTALLY watch all of these movies.” That’s why I won’t be including videos of these scenes.

Some of these scenes and movies are A LOT; there’s a reason I list the entirety of Dead Alive (aka Braindead) here. Proceed with caution. 

I’m also going to sprinkle cute animal photos throughout this piece. Life’s all about balance. 

Without further ado, here are nine of the most brutal (IMO) death scenes and one entirely brutal movie. 

Dead Alive (aka Braindead)

How can I choose a single scene from Dead Alive? There’s zombie-slashing by way of a lawnmower. Someone gets their face ripped down the middle. There’s the lightbulb scene. And that’s not including the zombie birth and mommy issues. Granted, it’s all comical. However, Dead Alive is considered to be one of the bloodiest horror movies of all time, so we’re going to play it safe and leave the entire movie here. 

The Electric Carving Scene from Evil Dead (2013) 

I feel like this scene is sometimes overlooked, but it really packs a punch. For context, someone is bitten by a Deadite. In an attempt to override possession, they, um, try to cut their arm off with an electric carving knife. You know, like the one commonly used to cut meat at a family dinner? That’s the one. I know it could be argued that it’s not *technically* a death scene, but I count it because they aren’t successful in their, erm, endeavors and succumb to the infection. 

Frank’s Demise in Hellraiser (1987) 

There are a lot of brutal scenes in Hellraiser, but the ending is ROUGH. I definitely appreciate the “Jesus wept” quip from Frank to try and lighten the mood…before he is completely ripped apart by a variety of chains and hooks. Hellraiser also bothered me for a long time, in general, because of my religious trauma, but that’s a story for another piece. 

Aww! Look at this cute kitty. Big yawn for a little guy

Freddy’s Tendon Puppetry from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors 

I know that I’ve mentioned this scene bothering me before, but I also think it’s one of the most brutal deaths in the NOES universe. Imagine getting your FREAKING TENDONS RIPPED OUT OF YOUR BODY WHILE FREDDY PUPPETEERS YOU TO THE TOP OF A BUILDING. Yeah. Hard pass. 

Tommy’s Transformation in Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark 

Okay, I know this scene has also made an appearance on the B Movies Blog before, but I stand by it. This kid’s entire body gets transformed, and all of his insides turn to straw. Let that truly sink in. I need a drink of water just thinking about it. 

The Tanning Beds from Final Destination III 

There are so many memorable scenes from the Final Destination franchise, but I think the tanning bed scene lives in infamy. I never used tanning beds for a multitude of reasons…and this movie definitely didn’t help. 

Oh no! This little cutie got into some strawberry jam 

The Cross from Saw III 

Yes, I am a Saw girlie. Yes, I know how ridiculous these movies are. However, there’s one trap that I’ve always considered to be especially brutal: The Cross. I can’t even begin to imagine having all of your limbs and neck slowly rotated and broken. The other traps tend to be over the top, but this one really stands out because it’s a bit more “realistic” than the others. 

The Bedroom Scene from Terrifier 2 

There isn’t much I can legally say about this one, so I will tell a story about what happened when I went to see this movie instead. I may or may not have told this story before, but I’m not about to break this scene down in detail. 

When my friend Brooke and I went to see this movie, our server asked if we knew what we were getting into. Brooke and I answered that we were familiar with the first one. The server was relieved and told us that a couple of people in the showing before us didn’t know about the antics of Art the Clown. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. 

THE Scene from Bone Tomahawk 

You know the one I’m referring to. Yes, friends, I’m referring to the scene where someone is, gulp, bisected, scalped, and eaten. In front of their friends. I think we should just leave it there. 

Charlie’s Exploding Expiration in The Stuff 

I know this one is a little silly, but hear me out. When was the last time you sat down and watched that scene from start to finish? For me, it was this morning. It sticks out because a) the practical effects are insane and b) it’s horrifying when you break it down. 

Well, hello to you, too, little fella!

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel into the ol’ VCR. 

Obsession, thy name is Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. 

We all know I’m a sucker for horror musicals and animation, so it should come as no surprise that I’m obsessed with these series. 

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I didn’t know about Helluva Boss until I had already binged the entirety of Hazbin Hotel. 

But, it was exciting to know that I had more adventures in Hell awaiting me once I finished. 

For those unfamiliar, Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are adult animated series created by Vivienne Medrano, aka VivziePop, on YouTube. 

I can’t even begin to gush enough about the voice talent across both series, which include the likes of Erika Henningsen, Stephanie Beatriz, Alex Brightman, Brendan Rogers, not to mention guest voices by Jinkx Monsoon, Kesha, Norman Reedus, etc… 

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

It’s INSANE. 

Yeah, I’m gonna need a Stolas tattoo…like yesterday

I also want to go ahead and reiterate this series is FOR ADULTS. It’s horny (both literally and figuratively), super violent, sexual, you name it. 

However, I also think that these series are important for a couple of reasons. 

First and foremost, they’re LGBTQIA+-centric and friendly. 

There’s so much representation throughout Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel that I think is important. It’s also never exploitative nor do they treat any LGBTQIA+ topics as taboo. 

We’re just dropped into this universe and accept everything thrown at us. 

Secondly, I think that Hazbin Hotel in particular raises a lot of questions about self-righteousness, condemnation, and who/what determines who is worth saving. 

And yes, contrary to what Rotten Tomatoes told me in my rejection letter, you can review content while analyzing its meaning. 

I digress. 

I want to frame this in my office. And yes, this is THE actual email I received 

For context, I grew up in the Bible Belt and have dealt with the nastiest of the nasty when it comes to Christianity. I can truly attest to the phrase, “There’s no hate like Christian love.” 

There’s one church I felt comfortable in, and I’ve thanked the youth pastor multiple times. And I always will. 

Hazbin Hotel does an excellent job of dissecting many of the issues I have with religion. 

What makes a good person?

What constitutes salvation?

Should people really be condemned to an afterlife of fire and brimstone for their past?

The list goes on and on. 

Both series humanize demons and the damned in a way that moved me. Seriously, I’ve cried in MULTIPLE episodes. 

Not only are these shows immaculately constructed, but I think they’ll really resonate with people like me who left the church, organized religion, etc… 

As well as members of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Or, if you’re like me, and you’re both, you’ll be doubly moved. 

You can binge the first season and a half of Helluva Boss over on YouTube and the first season of Hazbin Hotel on Prime. 

Run, don’t walk. 

I promise it’s a helluva good time.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping teenage Shakespeare adaptations into the ol’ VCR. 

Gather around, youths. I have a story to tell. 

Once upon a time, there was a magical trend in cinema where filmmakers decided to modernize Shakespearean works and turn them into either teen films or “cool” movies. 

As in, someone went into a room of executives and said, “You know what teens and young adults need? Shakespeare! All of the hip kids LOVE Willy Shakes.” 

And a group of people who make more money than any of us will ever see said, “You’re a genius!” 

Now, children, not all of these adaptations were created equal. 

Some of them were “inspired by” Shakespeare’s works, at best, and others became iconic entities in the world of teen cinema. 

And, y’know, one of them is My Own Private Idaho. 

And some are even directly adapted from Shakespeare, word for word, and placed in a modern setting like Romeo + Juliet. 

Either way, we salute you. 🫡

Be you High School Musical with a literal vengeance or one of the best movies of all time, we’re glad to be here. 

Without much ado about nothing, here are six of my favorite teen(ish) Shakespearean adaptations: 

• O (Othello) 
• 10 Things I Hate About You (Taming of the Shrew) 
• Just One of the Guys (Twelfth Night)
• She’s the Man (Twelfth Night…again)
• My Own Private Idaho (Henry IV) 
• Get Over It (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping some of the movies I grew up watching into the ol’ VCR. 

We all have those movies. The ones we watched on repeat as a kid. The ones that have a special place in our heart because we watched them with our family and/or friends. The ones that make you smile a bit whenever you think about them. 

Those are the movies we’re talking about today.

Check out this little nugget! Me, circa December 2003

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a pop culture-centric household, so I watched all of the greats from the Thin Man series to Kubrick. 

There are some movies that comfort me and give me the warm and fuzzy feelings like they did in childhood. They’re definitely a mixed bag, but they’re my bag nonetheless. 

Some of them, like Super Mario Bros., have core memories attached like watching while playing with the marbles I collected when I had strep throat as a kid. Others may just be associated with a feeling. Either way, I love these movies. 

Without further ado, here are a few of the movies that have a special little place in my heart. 

• Father of the Bride 1 & 2 
• Super Mario Bros. 
• It Takes Two 
• Young Frankenstein 
• Now and Then 
• The Trouble with Angels
• Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows 
• Yours, Mine and Ours 
• Send Me No Flowers 
• The 10th Kingdom

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the work of Parker Posey into the ol’ VCR. 

I want to start this spotlight off with an apology. I sincerely apologize that it’s taken this long to get to a spotlight on Parker Posey. 

She’s a queen, and it’s honestly disgraceful that it took me until now to give her a dedicated piece. 

The good news is, I don’t think there’s a lot I can say about Parker Posey because she’s such an icon. 

Parker Posey not only plays some of the best characters, but she plays them in some of the best and/or most loved movies and shows of all time. 

It was really hard to whittle this list down because I just kept adding movies and shows to it. Please know that I had to make some tough calls; if you don’t see some of your favorites on this list, just know I couldn’t list everything, at risk of turning this into Parker Posey’s IMDb page. 

Five-year-old me sitting down to get my ears pierced in Claire’s circa 1997 

All of this to say that Parker Posey is incredible, and I can’t wait to see her in the new season of White Lotus. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite Parker Posey movies and series from over the years: 

• Party Girl
• Scream 3 
• Parks and Rec – “Eagleton”
• A Mighty Wind
• Best in Show 
• The House of Yes 
• Josie and the Pussycats 
• Clockwatchers 
• You’ve Got Mail

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Irish Wish into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, let’s start with the positive. 

I did my part to support the Lohanassiance. 

I’m happy to see Lindsay Lohan is doing so well. 

I appreciated the Freaky Friday reference, i.e. the mention of there needing to be an earthquake whenever a wish happens. 

And there ends the positive. 

If you hold this image against your ear, you can hear John Mayer 

Here’s the deal… 

I’ve been known to indulge in some rom coms in my day. I have several annual holiday rewatches. I’ve seen You’ve Got Mail about 200 times. I even hate watched The Wedding Planner. 

But Irish Wish is next level. 

First and foremost, I haven’t seen friends and a love interest this bad since The Devil Wears Prada. Seriously. Everyone SUCKS outside of Maddie (Lindsay Lohan) and James (Ed Speleers). 

Secondly, I obviously can’t prove it, but I would bet money that this movie was either a) written by AI or b) heavily drafted by AI. And I’m not usually the betting type. 

Thirdly, there are several moments within this film that I expected the cast to turn around, break the fourth wall, and say, “Please help us,” a la Agatha in the Halloween episode of WandaVision. 

It’s giving… 

It felt as though I was glimpsing into purgatory and watching someone’s eternal agony play out in real-time. 

I forgive a lot here, but I can’t forgive a ChatGPT hellscape that includes the tackiest bridesmaids accessory I’ve ever seen, aka tiny Kentucky Derby-style hats. 

In fact, most of the fashion in this movie is questionable. The only thing missing is a Talbots ad in the middle. And I’m honestly shocked there isn’t one. 

I digress. 

Irish Wish doesn’t claim to be revolutionary cinema, so I can’t blame it for existing. 

I was able to watch it all the way through, even though it’s cringy as hell, so I have to give it that. 

The hat in question 

Irish Wish is fine if you need a mindless way to pass 93 minutes, but it also serves as an excellent reminder that AI doesn’t replace humans. 

As a writer, I’ve used tools like Grammarly to help with my sentence length. I’ll fully admit it. 

However, I think Irish Wish is, hypothetically and allegedly, a prime example of why humans should write things. Give me a pencil and paper over ChatGPT any day. 

AI definitely has its benefits, but you can’t beat a human writer. 

And this shitshow proves why. 

Again, love you LiLo. 

I-rish you all the best.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Love Lies Bleeding into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, y’all, I have a lot to say about this one. There’s a lot I really, really liked and things I really, really didn’t. 

Let’s start with the three things I know to be true: 

1. I am very much attracted to women. 
2. I would love for Katy O’Brian to bench press me. 
3. I still can’t talk about K.Stew’s Rolling Stones cover without getting flustered. 

Moving on. 

I think K.Stew and Katy O’Brian are both wonderful in this. Full stop. 

I also think that despite Jena Malone having limited screen time, she puts on one hell of a performance. The same goes for Anna Baryshnikov. 

I also have to give it up for the cinematography. The way Lou (Kristen Stewart) and Lou Sr.’s (Ed Harris) faces are lit in red during the flashback scenes as well as by the soda machine in the hospital. Like, c’mon. 

I can also get on board with Jackie’s (Katy O’Brian) steroid usage being a metaphor for love. The same goes for Beth’s (Jena Malone) bruises. Her husband, JJ (Dave Franco), is abusive, but the bruises intensify as a way to show Beth’s unfortunate and toxic love for JJ. 

I even love the sound mixing. The sound distorts to mirror Jackie’s mental deterioration. The soundtrack and self-help tapes act as a bit of narration. You name it. 

If they saw me sitting from across the bar, I would break my gd ankle trying to get over to their table 

We find out Lou is short for Louise, alluding to the fact this movie lives in the same neighborhood as Thelma & Louise. I’d be so bold as to say they live next door to each other. 

No, friends, my grievances lie elsewhere…and mainly in the third act. 

And you know what that means. Yes, there will be spoilers. 

I’ll give you a few minutes to skip to the paragraph that starts with I don’t think. 

Ready? Okay. 

Yeah, I got nothing except gay thoughts 

Throughout the film, Jackie seems to bulk up. We get close ups of her veins protruding and notice her strength increasing. 

Finally, when Lou and Lou Sr. enter their final showdown… 

Jackie turns into a 50-foot woman and holds Lou Sr. down so Lou can escape his grasp. 

Now, I take the ending to be metaphorical in that Jackie finally gives Lou the strength she’s always needed. However, let’s walk it back and take it from a literal perspective. 

If Jackie really does become a giant, Amazonian woman, why isn’t she more…horrific? 

There are allusions throughout the film that scream Brian Yuzna. All of the stretching and prominent veins. The vomit scene. So on and so forth. 

If you’re going to allude to body horror, then give us body horror. 

Make Jackie some sort of monster. Give us some sort of weird or gross transformation. Don’t edge us throughout the movie and then simply make her into a giant version of herself. 

Listen, I know I’m a horror fanatic, but I swear this has nothing to do with it. 

It just feels like there was originally supposed to be a different ending, or they originally planned to go in a different direction. I might be totally wrong, but that’s the read I get. 

The gym scene from She’s the Man but sub Channing Tatum with Katy O’Brian 

I don’t think this is a sophomore slump for Rose Glass by any means, but I do think Love Lies Bleeding does fall short of Saint Maud. 

I also do want to address something that gave me the ick. Before I even say this, please know I’m not generalizing. Okay, here goes… 

I got the ick because there were a lot of men in the theater when I went to see Love Lies Bleeding. I’m obviously not here to say men can’t see this movie, and I have plenty of male friends who would go see this movie with good intentions. 

But, I can’t help but think about how fetishized lesbians/same sex female relationships are… 

And this felt like that. 

It reminded me a lot of how Jennifer’s Body was sensationalized, and how Megan Fox was given an incredibly sexist and degrading press tour. 

AGAIN, I’m not here to generalize in the least, but I do think it’s worth mentioning. 

When you get one of those nasty leg cramps in the middle of the night

Before I get into any more trouble, we’ll go ahead and wrap this one up. 

I’d give Love Lies Bleeding a 7/10. It’s a hot and sweaty take on Thelma & Louise, mixed with some (almost) body horror and a dash of true crime. 

I think it has a lot of potential, but it doesn’t quite hit its stride. 

The acting is incredible, and it checks most of the boxes; it just needs some punch ups. 

Pun intended.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping beach and island horror into the ol’ VCR. 

Friends, we’ve done destination horror. We’ve even done cabin and transportation horror. 

And just when you thought it was safe to book a getaway…I’m here to ruin yet another locale. 

That’s right. Today, we’re talking about beach and island horror. 

“But, Baillee, how is this different from vacation horror?” 

Well, these take place on a beach. That’s all I have for you. 

Not a cell phone in sight, just a giant, dangerous mechanical shark named Bruce 

There are a few movies that I wouldn’t clump solely into destination horror, but have a beachy backdrop. They aren’t necessarily taking place on someone’s vacation, but, rather, in a sparsely populated town. 

Does that mean some of these take place when someone enters said small town? Yes. But cut me some slack here. 

I solemnly swear this is the last island/tropical/beach/getaway set of horror movies you’ll get from me…until the next time I do it and say the same thing. 

Without further ado, here are 10 bloody beachy bonanzas to keep you inland: 

• The Beach House 
• The Witch Who Came From The Sea 
• Infinity Pool
• Offseason 
• Old 
• Sweetheart 
• Psycho Beach Party 
• Piranha 3D (2010)*  
• Broken Lizard’s Club Dread 
• Jaws

*Yes, I unironically love this movie.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping cabin horror into the ol’ VCR. 

I LOVE cabin horror. I mean, what’s not to love? 

This particular subgenre takes an already unsettling setting and then uses it to act out all of our worst fears. 

Also, let’s touch on the irony. The entire reason we seek out cabins in the middle of nowhere is for the isolation, only to have the isolation be our downfall. 

Boy Meets Flesh-Eating Virus 

If you think about it, cabin horror is actually similar to the Slenderverse. It makes the fear of being trapped and alone a reality. You’re not really safe anywhere. So on and so forth. 

It’s also terrifying because the danger is ever-changing. There’s everything from flesh-eating viruses to demons in the wilderness, so you’ll never be sure how to protect yourself. 

If you’re anxiously clicking over to change your AirBnB reservation, I apologize. 

How I feel when I wear overalls 

I’m sure it’ll be fine…I just wouldn’t watch any of the movies on this list. 

Without further ado, here are seven cabin-based horror movies to keep you out of the woods. 

• Cabin Fever*
• Cabin in the Woods 
• Tucker & Dale vs Evil 
• Resolution 
• The Evil Dead franchise (sans Evil Dead Rise) 
• The Lodge 
• Honeymoon 

* Fair warning, this one is from 2002 and is one of Eli Roth’s, so it’s full of gore and some regrettable content that doesn’t age well. 

Dishonorable mention 

Okay, I’ll spare y’all another rant, but I’m legally obligated to mention Knock at the Cabin. I hate this movie, but we all know the deal.Just because I hate a movie doesn’t make it bad.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Jack Perez’s Monster Island (2004) into the ol’ VCR. 

I remembered this movie when I wrote the piece about the MTV I grew up with, and it’s finally time to pay the piper. 

IMO, Monster Island is the result of two things: Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro’s reality show, ‘Till Death Do Us Part, and MTV’s foray into meta-ish content based on their reality shows. 

Don’t worry, I already put the My Super Psycho Sweet 16 trilogy on the editorial calendar as well. 

This is Piranha Man, aka Bruce 

Premiering in 2004, Monster Island pays homage to the giant creature features of the 1950s…but with Carmen Electra. After winning a contest his little sister, Jen (Chelan Simmons), secretly entered him in, Josh (Daniel Letterle) and the rest of the senior class win a trip to a remote island to party. 

If you’re thinking, “But, Baillee, these are teenagers,” just remember that The N made Girls v. Boys. Moving on. 

The class roster includes Josh’s two best friends, Stack (Joe MacLeod) and Andy (Cascy Beddow), Josh’s ex-girlfriend, Maddy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, in one of her earliest film credits), Maddy’s new boyfriend, Chase (Chris Harrison), and his little sister who convinced the principal to let her tag along. 

Throw in Carmen Electra as herself, her bodyguard, Eightball (C. Ernst Harth), wannabe TRL host, Lil Mindi (Alana Husband), and others, and you have a certified recipe for insanity. 

Oh yeah, Nick Carter also pops in at one point as himself. 

Video source: joemacleodonline

Long story short, no adult, MTV employee, or faculty member decided to do their due diligence, and as it turns out, the island in question is in the Bermuda Triangle. 

…And it also houses giant insects and hybrids that decide to start flinging kids around mid-Carmen Electra performance, and kidnap both Carmen and Eightball. 

After a two-minute interaction with Carmen backstage where she told Josh he was funny, and he found out she has a bitchin’ CD collection, Josh makes it his mission to save Carmen from giant ants. 

Yes, I’m serious. 

In the spirit of FFS and Dear Christmas, I’ve decided it’s time for another stream of consciousness review. However, I’m shaking up the format a tad. This time, I’ve divided my thoughts up into two categories with a little wrap-up at the end. 

I’m growing and learning. 

Without further ado, let’s take a trip to Monster Island. 

The good 

• OMG, I FORGOT ABOUT CARMEN ELECTRA’S PERFORMANCE WHERE THE BACKGROUND IS THE TRADEMARK LOUIS VUITTON^® PATTERN BUT WITH HER INITIALS 
• The stop-motion figures and creatures are actually impressive
• The line, “Wham, bam, thanks, you’re dead!” needs to go on a shirt 
• Hey! At least it took 37 minutes for a “survival of the fittest” comment 
• The Art Department deserves major props on this one 
• I’ll give them the Harryhausen ref because that’s brilliant 
• Adam West is good in this movie. Like, really good. He deserves so much better than this. RIP 
• Rudy is so freaking cute though 
• I really want to know how the conversation with Nick Carter’s agent went 
• Okay, crediting all the bugs is *chef’s kiss* 

The bad 

• Josh sincerely read The Catcher in the Rye once and made it his entire personality 
• This man just about said, “I DON’T KNOW WHY MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME! ALL I DID WAS MAKE FUN OF ALL OF HER BELIEFS AND DO MY BEST J.D. FROM HEATHERS IMPRESSION AND ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.” 
• Oh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, you deserve the world, not to be cast as the “cool” girl in a TV movie 
• I feel like they really wanted Katharine Isabelle for this 
• Um, what on earth is this line about Hitler and the Republicans that I don’t think was meant to be kind of complimentary but it reads that way?
• Why are Jen and Stack fake boxing in the background?
• Bob’s debrief single-handedly hit every single one of the points they teach you to avoid in PR and Advertising 
• I feel like the screenwriters for this movie were paid handsomely by B- and C- list celebrities to write Josh’s inspirational speech about famous people 
• My question is, do all of these kids think that giant, killer bugs won’t touch them if they’re on a boat?
• Oh, they apparently won’t. Got it 
• “Ass boy” might be the weakest insult I’ve ever heard 
• What on earth is this fight scene? They’re just grabbing at each other’s sweaters?
• Also, how did the Creature from the Black Lagoon get involved? Is this The Island of Dr. Moreau Monster Mash? 
• Horror movie tip: Don’t ever, ever, ever put on jewelry that you find in a forest that looks really old, and dare I say, ancient 

This photo is honestly kind of a slay 

The conclusion

When I went to watch Monster Island, I had to type “Monster Is-” into the search bar before it yielded any results, as though Prime was trying to save me from myself. I digress. My overall thought is that Monster Island has potential, but it never quite reaches it. I will say the second half is MUCH stronger than the first half, though. 

This movie did make some sort of impression on me because I correctly and vividly remembered both Praying Mantis scenes, and it did come to mind when I was doing research for our MTV piece. However, there are times where Monster Island feels like a DCOM script that was aged up and reworked but not in a good way. 

Monster Island is goofy, but it’s nostalgic fun. Watching it made me want to drink Rain Snapple and slap on a puka shell anklet and Old Navy 4th of July shirt. It’s not a movie I would regularly watch, but I wouldn’t be mad at popping it in every now and again to show friends. 

There are times when I have to take a step back and ask myself what I’m doing here, and Monster Island is one of those times 

Adam West is an absolute gem in this movie, and I would be so bold to say he makes Monster Island more watchable than it would be otherwise. Additionally, I think Carmen Electra is great. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, God love her, does the best she can with what she’s given. Everyone else…is there. 

If you get the itch to revisit the MTV I grew up with, load this baby up. It reeks of 2004, and it holds up surprisingly well for a movie of its time. 

Just, y’know, maybe keep some industrial-sized bug spray ready.