Note: Check back for updates as new content is announced!

January 2026

January 2 – We Bury The Dead (Theaters)

January 6 – Will Trent (ABC, Next day Hulu)

January 8 – The Traitors (Peacock)

January 8 – His & Hers (Netflix)

January 9 – People We Meet On Vacation (Netflix)

January 9 – Sleepwalker (Theaters)

January 9 – Primate (Theaters)

January 16 – Night Patrol (Theaters)

January 16 – 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (Theaters)

January 21 – The Beauty (FX, Next day Hulu)

January 21 – Queer Eye (Netflix)

January 22 – Finding Her Edge (Netflix)

January 23 – Return to Silent Hill (Theaters)

January 28 – School Spirits (Paramount+)

January 28 – Shrinking (Apple TV+)

January 30 – Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (Theaters)

January 30 – Iron Lung (Theaters)

January 30 – Send Help (Theaters)

February 2026

February 6 – The Strangers: Chapter 3 (Theaters)

February 6 – Dracula (Theaters)

February 6 – Pillion (Theaters)

February 6 – Whistle (Theaters)

February 8 – The ‘Burbs (Peacock)

February 13 – “Wuthering Heights” (Theaters)

February 13 – GOAT (Theaters)

February 13 – Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (Theaters)

February 18 – 56 Days (Prime)

February 20 – This is Not a Test (Theaters)

February 25 – Scrubs (ABC, next day Hulu)

February 27 – Scream 7 (Theaters)

March 2026

March 5 – Ted (Peacock)

March 6 – The Bride (Theaters)

March 6 – Peaky Blinders: The Eternal Man (Theaters, Netflix on March 20)

March 11 – Scarpetta (Prime)

March 18 – Imperfect Women (Apple TV+)

March 20 – Project Hail Mary (Theaters)

March 27 – Ready or Not: Here I Come (Theaters)

March 27 – Fantasy Life (Theaters)

March 27 – They Will Kill You (Theaters)

April 2026

April 3 – The Drama (Theaters)

April 8 – The Boys (Prime)

April 10 – Malcolm in the Middle (Hulu)

April 15 – Margo’s Got Money Troubles (Apple TV+)

April 17 – The Mummy (Theaters)

April 17 – Normal (Theaters)

May 2026

May 1 – The Devil Wears Prada 2 (Theaters)

May 1 – Hokum (Theaters)

May 15 – Obsession (Theaters)

May 22 – I Love Boosters (Theaters)

June 2026

June 12 – Scary Movie 6 (Theaters)

June 19 – Toy Story 5 (Theaters)

July 2026

July 12 – Disclosure Day (Theaters)

July 17 – The Odyssey (Theaters)

August 2026

August 21 – Insidious: The Bleeding World (Theaters)

August 28 – The Dog Star (Theaters)

August 28 – Coyote vs. ACME (Theaters)

September 2026

September 11 – Sense and Sensibility (Theaters)

September 18 – Practical Magic 2 (Theaters)

September 18 – Play House (Theaters)

September 18 – Resident Evil (Theaters)

October 2026

October 1 – Terrifier 4 (Theaters)

October 2 – Digger (Theaters)

October 9 – Other Mommy (Theaters)

October 16 – Street Fighter (Theaters)

October 23 – Remain (Theaters)

November 2026

November 20 – The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping (Theaters)

December 2026

December 18 – Avengers: Doomsday (Theaters)

December 18 – Dune: Part Three (Theaters)

December 25 – Werewulf (Theaters)

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Irish Wish into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, let’s start with the positive. 

I did my part to support the Lohanassiance. 

I’m happy to see Lindsay Lohan is doing so well. 

I appreciated the Freaky Friday reference, i.e. the mention of there needing to be an earthquake whenever a wish happens. 

And there ends the positive. 

If you hold this image against your ear, you can hear John Mayer 

Here’s the deal… 

I’ve been known to indulge in some rom coms in my day. I have several annual holiday rewatches. I’ve seen You’ve Got Mail about 200 times. I even hate watched The Wedding Planner. 

But Irish Wish is next level. 

First and foremost, I haven’t seen friends and a love interest this bad since The Devil Wears Prada. Seriously. Everyone SUCKS outside of Maddie (Lindsay Lohan) and James (Ed Speleers). 

Secondly, I obviously can’t prove it, but I would bet money that this movie was either a) written by AI or b) heavily drafted by AI. And I’m not usually the betting type. 

Thirdly, there are several moments within this film that I expected the cast to turn around, break the fourth wall, and say, “Please help us,” a la Agatha in the Halloween episode of WandaVision. 

It’s giving… 

It felt as though I was glimpsing into purgatory and watching someone’s eternal agony play out in real-time. 

I forgive a lot here, but I can’t forgive a ChatGPT hellscape that includes the tackiest bridesmaids accessory I’ve ever seen, aka tiny Kentucky Derby-style hats. 

In fact, most of the fashion in this movie is questionable. The only thing missing is a Talbots ad in the middle. And I’m honestly shocked there isn’t one. 

I digress. 

Irish Wish doesn’t claim to be revolutionary cinema, so I can’t blame it for existing. 

I was able to watch it all the way through, even though it’s cringy as hell, so I have to give it that. 

The hat in question 

Irish Wish is fine if you need a mindless way to pass 93 minutes, but it also serves as an excellent reminder that AI doesn’t replace humans. 

As a writer, I’ve used tools like Grammarly to help with my sentence length. I’ll fully admit it. 

However, I think Irish Wish is, hypothetically and allegedly, a prime example of why humans should write things. Give me a pencil and paper over ChatGPT any day. 

AI definitely has its benefits, but you can’t beat a human writer. 

And this shitshow proves why. 

Again, love you LiLo. 

I-rish you all the best.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Love Lies Bleeding into the ol’ VCR. 

Okay, y’all, I have a lot to say about this one. There’s a lot I really, really liked and things I really, really didn’t. 

Let’s start with the three things I know to be true: 

1. I am very much attracted to women. 
2. I would love for Katy O’Brian to bench press me. 
3. I still can’t talk about K.Stew’s Rolling Stones cover without getting flustered. 

Moving on. 

I think K.Stew and Katy O’Brian are both wonderful in this. Full stop. 

I also think that despite Jena Malone having limited screen time, she puts on one hell of a performance. The same goes for Anna Baryshnikov. 

I also have to give it up for the cinematography. The way Lou (Kristen Stewart) and Lou Sr.’s (Ed Harris) faces are lit in red during the flashback scenes as well as by the soda machine in the hospital. Like, c’mon. 

I can also get on board with Jackie’s (Katy O’Brian) steroid usage being a metaphor for love. The same goes for Beth’s (Jena Malone) bruises. Her husband, JJ (Dave Franco), is abusive, but the bruises intensify as a way to show Beth’s unfortunate and toxic love for JJ. 

I even love the sound mixing. The sound distorts to mirror Jackie’s mental deterioration. The soundtrack and self-help tapes act as a bit of narration. You name it. 

If they saw me sitting from across the bar, I would break my gd ankle trying to get over to their table 

We find out Lou is short for Louise, alluding to the fact this movie lives in the same neighborhood as Thelma & Louise. I’d be so bold as to say they live next door to each other. 

No, friends, my grievances lie elsewhere…and mainly in the third act. 

And you know what that means. Yes, there will be spoilers. 

I’ll give you a few minutes to skip to the paragraph that starts with I don’t think. 

Ready? Okay. 

Yeah, I got nothing except gay thoughts 

Throughout the film, Jackie seems to bulk up. We get close ups of her veins protruding and notice her strength increasing. 

Finally, when Lou and Lou Sr. enter their final showdown… 

Jackie turns into a 50-foot woman and holds Lou Sr. down so Lou can escape his grasp. 

Now, I take the ending to be metaphorical in that Jackie finally gives Lou the strength she’s always needed. However, let’s walk it back and take it from a literal perspective. 

If Jackie really does become a giant, Amazonian woman, why isn’t she more…horrific? 

There are allusions throughout the film that scream Brian Yuzna. All of the stretching and prominent veins. The vomit scene. So on and so forth. 

If you’re going to allude to body horror, then give us body horror. 

Make Jackie some sort of monster. Give us some sort of weird or gross transformation. Don’t edge us throughout the movie and then simply make her into a giant version of herself. 

Listen, I know I’m a horror fanatic, but I swear this has nothing to do with it. 

It just feels like there was originally supposed to be a different ending, or they originally planned to go in a different direction. I might be totally wrong, but that’s the read I get. 

The gym scene from She’s the Man but sub Channing Tatum with Katy O’Brian 

I don’t think this is a sophomore slump for Rose Glass by any means, but I do think Love Lies Bleeding does fall short of Saint Maud. 

I also do want to address something that gave me the ick. Before I even say this, please know I’m not generalizing. Okay, here goes… 

I got the ick because there were a lot of men in the theater when I went to see Love Lies Bleeding. I’m obviously not here to say men can’t see this movie, and I have plenty of male friends who would go see this movie with good intentions. 

But, I can’t help but think about how fetishized lesbians/same sex female relationships are… 

And this felt like that. 

It reminded me a lot of how Jennifer’s Body was sensationalized, and how Megan Fox was given an incredibly sexist and degrading press tour. 

AGAIN, I’m not here to generalize in the least, but I do think it’s worth mentioning. 

When you get one of those nasty leg cramps in the middle of the night

Before I get into any more trouble, we’ll go ahead and wrap this one up. 

I’d give Love Lies Bleeding a 7/10. It’s a hot and sweaty take on Thelma & Louise, mixed with some (almost) body horror and a dash of true crime. 

I think it has a lot of potential, but it doesn’t quite hit its stride. 

The acting is incredible, and it checks most of the boxes; it just needs some punch ups. 

Pun intended.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping beach and island horror into the ol’ VCR. 

Friends, we’ve done destination horror. We’ve even done cabin and transportation horror. 

And just when you thought it was safe to book a getaway…I’m here to ruin yet another locale. 

That’s right. Today, we’re talking about beach and island horror. 

“But, Baillee, how is this different from vacation horror?” 

Well, these take place on a beach. That’s all I have for you. 

Not a cell phone in sight, just a giant, dangerous mechanical shark named Bruce 

There are a few movies that I wouldn’t clump solely into destination horror, but have a beachy backdrop. They aren’t necessarily taking place on someone’s vacation, but, rather, in a sparsely populated town. 

Does that mean some of these take place when someone enters said small town? Yes. But cut me some slack here. 

I solemnly swear this is the last island/tropical/beach/getaway set of horror movies you’ll get from me…until the next time I do it and say the same thing. 

Without further ado, here are 10 bloody beachy bonanzas to keep you inland: 

• The Beach House 
• The Witch Who Came From The Sea 
• Infinity Pool
• Offseason 
• Old 
• Sweetheart 
• Psycho Beach Party 
• Piranha 3D (2010)*  
• Broken Lizard’s Club Dread 
• Jaws

*Yes, I unironically love this movie.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping cabin horror into the ol’ VCR. 

I LOVE cabin horror. I mean, what’s not to love? 

This particular subgenre takes an already unsettling setting and then uses it to act out all of our worst fears. 

Also, let’s touch on the irony. The entire reason we seek out cabins in the middle of nowhere is for the isolation, only to have the isolation be our downfall. 

Boy Meets Flesh-Eating Virus 

If you think about it, cabin horror is actually similar to the Slenderverse. It makes the fear of being trapped and alone a reality. You’re not really safe anywhere. So on and so forth. 

It’s also terrifying because the danger is ever-changing. There’s everything from flesh-eating viruses to demons in the wilderness, so you’ll never be sure how to protect yourself. 

If you’re anxiously clicking over to change your AirBnB reservation, I apologize. 

How I feel when I wear overalls 

I’m sure it’ll be fine…I just wouldn’t watch any of the movies on this list. 

Without further ado, here are seven cabin-based horror movies to keep you out of the woods. 

• Cabin Fever*
• Cabin in the Woods 
• Tucker & Dale vs Evil 
• Resolution 
• The Evil Dead franchise (sans Evil Dead Rise) 
• The Lodge 
• Honeymoon 

* Fair warning, this one is from 2002 and is one of Eli Roth’s, so it’s full of gore and some regrettable content that doesn’t age well. 

Dishonorable mention 

Okay, I’ll spare y’all another rant, but I’m legally obligated to mention Knock at the Cabin. I hate this movie, but we all know the deal.Just because I hate a movie doesn’t make it bad.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Jack Perez’s Monster Island (2004) into the ol’ VCR. 

I remembered this movie when I wrote the piece about the MTV I grew up with, and it’s finally time to pay the piper. 

IMO, Monster Island is the result of two things: Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro’s reality show, ‘Till Death Do Us Part, and MTV’s foray into meta-ish content based on their reality shows. 

Don’t worry, I already put the My Super Psycho Sweet 16 trilogy on the editorial calendar as well. 

This is Piranha Man, aka Bruce 

Premiering in 2004, Monster Island pays homage to the giant creature features of the 1950s…but with Carmen Electra. After winning a contest his little sister, Jen (Chelan Simmons), secretly entered him in, Josh (Daniel Letterle) and the rest of the senior class win a trip to a remote island to party. 

If you’re thinking, “But, Baillee, these are teenagers,” just remember that The N made Girls v. Boys. Moving on. 

The class roster includes Josh’s two best friends, Stack (Joe MacLeod) and Andy (Cascy Beddow), Josh’s ex-girlfriend, Maddy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, in one of her earliest film credits), Maddy’s new boyfriend, Chase (Chris Harrison), and his little sister who convinced the principal to let her tag along. 

Throw in Carmen Electra as herself, her bodyguard, Eightball (C. Ernst Harth), wannabe TRL host, Lil Mindi (Alana Husband), and others, and you have a certified recipe for insanity. 

Oh yeah, Nick Carter also pops in at one point as himself. 

Video source: joemacleodonline

Long story short, no adult, MTV employee, or faculty member decided to do their due diligence, and as it turns out, the island in question is in the Bermuda Triangle. 

…And it also houses giant insects and hybrids that decide to start flinging kids around mid-Carmen Electra performance, and kidnap both Carmen and Eightball. 

After a two-minute interaction with Carmen backstage where she told Josh he was funny, and he found out she has a bitchin’ CD collection, Josh makes it his mission to save Carmen from giant ants. 

Yes, I’m serious. 

In the spirit of FFS and Dear Christmas, I’ve decided it’s time for another stream of consciousness review. However, I’m shaking up the format a tad. This time, I’ve divided my thoughts up into two categories with a little wrap-up at the end. 

I’m growing and learning. 

Without further ado, let’s take a trip to Monster Island. 

The good 

• OMG, I FORGOT ABOUT CARMEN ELECTRA’S PERFORMANCE WHERE THE BACKGROUND IS THE TRADEMARK LOUIS VUITTON^® PATTERN BUT WITH HER INITIALS 
• The stop-motion figures and creatures are actually impressive
• The line, “Wham, bam, thanks, you’re dead!” needs to go on a shirt 
• Hey! At least it took 37 minutes for a “survival of the fittest” comment 
• The Art Department deserves major props on this one 
• I’ll give them the Harryhausen ref because that’s brilliant 
• Adam West is good in this movie. Like, really good. He deserves so much better than this. RIP 
• Rudy is so freaking cute though 
• I really want to know how the conversation with Nick Carter’s agent went 
• Okay, crediting all the bugs is *chef’s kiss* 

The bad 

• Josh sincerely read The Catcher in the Rye once and made it his entire personality 
• This man just about said, “I DON’T KNOW WHY MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME! ALL I DID WAS MAKE FUN OF ALL OF HER BELIEFS AND DO MY BEST J.D. FROM HEATHERS IMPRESSION AND ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.” 
• Oh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, you deserve the world, not to be cast as the “cool” girl in a TV movie 
• I feel like they really wanted Katharine Isabelle for this 
• Um, what on earth is this line about Hitler and the Republicans that I don’t think was meant to be kind of complimentary but it reads that way?
• Why are Jen and Stack fake boxing in the background?
• Bob’s debrief single-handedly hit every single one of the points they teach you to avoid in PR and Advertising 
• I feel like the screenwriters for this movie were paid handsomely by B- and C- list celebrities to write Josh’s inspirational speech about famous people 
• My question is, do all of these kids think that giant, killer bugs won’t touch them if they’re on a boat?
• Oh, they apparently won’t. Got it 
• “Ass boy” might be the weakest insult I’ve ever heard 
• What on earth is this fight scene? They’re just grabbing at each other’s sweaters?
• Also, how did the Creature from the Black Lagoon get involved? Is this The Island of Dr. Moreau Monster Mash? 
• Horror movie tip: Don’t ever, ever, ever put on jewelry that you find in a forest that looks really old, and dare I say, ancient 

This photo is honestly kind of a slay 

The conclusion

When I went to watch Monster Island, I had to type “Monster Is-” into the search bar before it yielded any results, as though Prime was trying to save me from myself. I digress. My overall thought is that Monster Island has potential, but it never quite reaches it. I will say the second half is MUCH stronger than the first half, though. 

This movie did make some sort of impression on me because I correctly and vividly remembered both Praying Mantis scenes, and it did come to mind when I was doing research for our MTV piece. However, there are times where Monster Island feels like a DCOM script that was aged up and reworked but not in a good way. 

Monster Island is goofy, but it’s nostalgic fun. Watching it made me want to drink Rain Snapple and slap on a puka shell anklet and Old Navy 4th of July shirt. It’s not a movie I would regularly watch, but I wouldn’t be mad at popping it in every now and again to show friends. 

There are times when I have to take a step back and ask myself what I’m doing here, and Monster Island is one of those times 

Adam West is an absolute gem in this movie, and I would be so bold to say he makes Monster Island more watchable than it would be otherwise. Additionally, I think Carmen Electra is great. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, God love her, does the best she can with what she’s given. Everyone else…is there. 

If you get the itch to revisit the MTV I grew up with, load this baby up. It reeks of 2004, and it holds up surprisingly well for a movie of its time. 

Just, y’know, maybe keep some industrial-sized bug spray ready.

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the work of Clea Duvall into the ol’ VCR. 

Listen. I’m a queer woman who grew up closeted in a small, conservative Texas town. 

Of course I love Clea DuVall. 

Clea DuVall has not only been in some of the most iconic movies of all time, she’s also starred in them. Also, lest we forget, she brought us the instant gay holiday classic, Happiest Season, and the adaptation of Tegan and Sara’s memoir, High School. 

She was one of my earliest crushes, and I know I’m not alone in that. 

Over the years, Clea DuVall has become a multi-hyphenate by acting, producing, directing, you name it. And, over the years, my crush on her has remained constant. 

Clea, thank you for bringing some of my favorite characters to life. 

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite Clea DuVall movies and shows, be it those she acted in or directed. 

Graham and Megan are another dream couple’s costume for me

But I’m a Cheerleader: Not to date myself, but I watched this movie on Logo, which we had through a Charter Communications digital cable box. 

The Faculty: I think some of my teachers were pod people, too. 

Happiest Season: Don we now our gay apparel. 

Girl, Interrupted: I loved this book so much as a teenager that I kept it in my backpack until it fell apart. 

Stokely is the personification of Avril Lavigne’s Let Go 

Zodiac: I Am Not Paul Avery, but I am a huge Clea DuVall fan. 

Little Witches: I thought I made this movie up for a long time. 

High School: Watching this in my Southern Baptist grandmother’s house with the door shut is definitely a metaphor for something. 

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer – “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”: For pennies a day, you can support teenagers that are phased out of visibility. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping Slenderman content into the ol’ VCR. 

CW/TW: gun violence, su*c*d*, su*c*d*l ideation, drug use, stabbing, child death, loud noises, flashing lights, dark subject matter, and all like subjects 

Before we dive into this piece, I have a responsibility to address a few things up top. 

First and foremost, I know the idea of Slenderman led to an absolute tragedy. If you aren’t familiar with the case, there’s a documentary that covers the details, and you can find information about it online. All of those involved were minors, so I’m not going to get into the details here. 

I understand there is a dark side to all of this content, so if you plan to watch or rewatch any of the series mentioned here, I would recommend looking into them before beginning. 

Secondly, I don’t condone the actions of the creator of TribeTwelve. I know there was some stuff within the crew from Marble Hornets as well. I also know that the Trials from EMH are also controversial. It’s awful that there are so many terrible things within this space, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention them. 

Thirdly, some of this content is a little rough around the edges because it was made by teenaged/college-aged peeps in the late aughts and into the early 2010s. Keep that in mind while watching because I think (and would hope) they would do some things differently. 

Lastly, like with other pieces, I’ll link videos, but I’m not going to include pictures with funny captions because it doesn’t feel appropriate. 

Alrighty, I think that does it for our disclaimers. Let’s get into it. 

Slenderman…used to freak me out. I’ll be honest. 

The idea of being followed is something that doesn’t scare me, per se, but it’s something that lives in the back of my anxiety-riddled mind.

I’m also a woman, so, fair. 

That’s why I was so late to the Slenderverse (and yes, I hated writing that as much as I’m sure you hated reading it). 

However, a few years ago, I finally buckled down and watched all of Marble Hornets, TribeTwelve, and my personal favorite, EverymanHYBRID. 

Video Source: EverymanHYBRID

In grand Baillee tradition, I also spent DAYS watching commentary videos from the Night Mind channel rewatching these series. I’m sure no one is surprised. 

For those who aren’t familiar, Slenderman is an entity originating from the internet back in the late aughts. He’s usually depicted as an abnormally thin and tall faceless creature wearing a black suit, white dress shirt, and tie, with gangly limbs. He also sometimes has visible tentacles, while, other times, they’re merely alluded to. 

Slenderman causes those in his presence to suffer from memory loss, dizziness, disorientation, coughing, etc…He can also influence people, primarily children and young adults, to do terrible things. We’re gonna leave it there. 

After Slenderman arrived on the scene, there was a multitude of content created around and expanding upon his lore. 

These include the aforementioned big three: Marble Hornets, EverymanHYBRID, and TribeTwelve. 

Video Source: Marble Hornets

All three series may keep parts of the Slenderman lore the same, but I think they each have their own distinct feel. 

For example, Marble Hornets feels the most cinematic to me; it’s like watching a movie in installments. 

EverymanHYBRID feels more episodic and almost play-like. Additionally, the EMH crew went all in on making things interactive (which also had its downside). 

TribeTwelve includes these incredible animations that remind me of FAITH: The Unholy Trinity. 

Video Source: TribeTwelve

While some things don’t hold up, the talent of these creators is apparent throughout. 

These series went on for YEARS and had to be carefully planned and executed so that everything would make sense and wrap up. It’s so impressive. 

Also, these series play off each other. There are direct connections between EMH and TribeTwelve. In fact, Noah from TribeTwelve and the EMH crew appear in each other’s videos, and their lore intertwines. I also think Alex from Marble Hornets makes an appearance in a video where Noah from TribeTwelve is meeting with Habit from EMH. It’s wild. 

Video Source: TribeTwelve

As a writer and content creator (gag), I know how hard it is to make content, and B Movies isn’t nearly as intricate as these series were. There were so many moving parts, so they get mad props from me for making all of this content. 

Now, let’s touch on some of the bad. Is this content extremely dark and violent? Yes. Do I think children should be watching it? Absolutely not. I’m a 31-year-old adult, and I took breaks in-between my research. It’s also not the first time a series has made me take a break. 

I also think these are a little rough around the edges. There are some things that really didn’t age well/some language used that didn’t need to be. We don’t need evil characters to say offensive things to show how evil they are, and some of the subject matter could’ve been cut. 

All of these series also reminded me how much I hate the loud, jarring noises of Slenderman content. I digress. 

Slenderman content is unique in that there’s so much lore to lay as the foundation, but you aren’t bound to it; the myth is up to interpretation. 

Slenderman also plays off of the primal human fear of being followed, and, honestly, being hunted. It’s also terrifying because it personifies having your identity stripped away through memory loss, possession, etc… 

I do think these series, particularly EverymanHYBRID and Marble Hornets, do deserve a watch, but I think you should proceed with caution. If anything becomes triggering or upsetting, don’t be afraid to turn it off. It’s a lot to take in, so no one will blame you for avoiding it. 

Hell, there are horror scenes that still bother me to this very day, and I watch horror content on the daily. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that some of the videos for these channels may be edited or unavailable. For those who aren’t in their 30s, you used to be able to post videos with copyright music without consequence. 

That is, absolutely, not the case any more. 

You can find some of this footage in the Night Mind analysis videos, though. 

Alrighty, friends, I think I’m going to leave our journey into the Slenderverse here. 

I’m not going to tell you to definitely check these out, because I think this content can be triggering. 

If you’re interested, I would start by Googling the synopsis, having a trusted person watch some of it first to get their opinion, maybe watching some of the analysis videos and muting/looking away during the footage, etc… 

If you need to skip this content, it’s okay! 

I’m only a silly goose writing about pop culture on the internet, and, sometimes, that involves writing about triggering content. 

I love you either way. 🖤

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping StarKid’s Hatchetfield series into the ol’ VCR. 

If you follow us on Instagram (shameless plug) or are subscribed to us on YouTube (shameless plug 2: judgment day), you’ll know that I recently watched Nerdy Prudes Must Die. 

I’m a big Smosh fan, so it had been on my radar for a hot minute. I finally sat down to watch it a few weeks ago, and I instantly fell in love. 

Nerdy Prudes Must Die is hysterical, raunchy, creepy, and incredibly well-performed. You’ll be singing songs like “Dirty Girl” and “Bully the Bully” for days, if not weeks, after watching. 

After being blown away by NPMD, I started pursuing StarKid’s YouTube channel and uncovered something incredible — they’ve created an entire universe akin to Sunnydale or Gravity Falls called the Hatchetfield series. 

Video Source: Team StarKid

Hatchetfield serves as a hub for paranormal happenings ranging from Eldritch horrors to alien parasites. There are countless Easter eggs throughout the series, and you know I love a good Easter egg. Additionally, there are some recurring characters, so keep your eyes peeled. 👀

The Hatchefield series began back in 2018 with The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, wherein the title character, Paul Matthews, must band together with his coworker friends and barista crush to battle alien parasites that murder the citizens of Hatchetfield and turn them into singing and dancing hosts. 

I might be reading way too much into this, but, IMO, I think this is a brilliant way to set up why the Hatchetfield universe is comprised of musicals. Think about it. Everyone is singing and dancing because of a hostile alien takeover? Sign me up! 

Video Source: Team StarKid

Next up in the Hatchetfield universe, we have Black Friday. Black Friday not only serves as a tongue-in-cheek look at the Tickle Me Elmo craze from ‘96*, but introduces an Eldritch horror to the town of Hatchetfield that turns consumer-obsessed adults into murderous shoppers all in the name of their new “God,” Wiggly. 

*KP actually found herself in the middle of the Tickle Me Elmo chaos and casually clotheslined a woman to get me one. In her defense, the woman tried to hit KP over the head with her purse. 

Video Source: Team StarKid

After Black Friday comes Nightmare Time and Nightmare Time 2. These stories each present a different cryptid or paranormal occurrence/entity that resides within Hatchetfield. I’m still making my way through these episodes, but I can confirm the ones I’ve seen are delightful. 

And finally, we have Nerdy Prudes Must Die. I love all of the Hatchetfield series, but I would be lying if I said NPMD wasn’t my favorite; it’s just next level. I know it might sound like I’m biased, but I think one of Angela’s best performances ever is in Black Friday, so do with that what you will. 

If you’re a fan of horror musicals, I can’t recommend this one enough. One thing to keep in mind is that most of these musicals are on the raunchy side, with NPMD probably being the raunchiest. 

HOWEVER, you obviously don’t see anything, and everything is implied/done off-screen. I only mention this because I know some peeps might want to watch these with their teens or have kids to be conscious of. Just know there’s a lot of language, sexual dialogue, etc… 

 I digress. 

I know A Very Potter Musical and A Very Potter Sequel were huge when I was in college, but I’ve never been the biggest Harry Potter fan, so I watched them a couple of times with friends. Outside of that, I never revisited them (P.S. Here’s your daily reminder that J.K. Rowling is absolute trash). 

But, I can 100% get on board with StarKid’s Hatchetfield series. In fact, I already am. I really hope we get another entry from this universe soon, and I’m happy I still have Nightmare Time content to watch. 

Please watch and support StarKid’s content because it’s truly great. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment over at the old Waylon place. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping another edition of Lights, Camera, Albums into the ol’ VCR. 

Now, I feel like I need to give some disclaimers about this one up top. 

When I was listening to Plastic Hearts for research, there were two recurring themes I kept noticing: addiction and an almost vampiric sensuality. 

The nocturnal feel of this album just radiates supernatural creatures for me, particularly the sensuality often associated with vampires. 

On the other hand, I see a lot of references and allusions to addiction, even if it’s just addiction to a person or situation. 

I need you to suspend your beliefs for this LCA. We all know our girl Miley tends to write hypersexual lyrics. However, I need you to take out the sexual components for some of these pairings and focus more so on the state of mind. 

I don’t feel like there’s much more I can say to explain myself, but I hope you’re picking up what I’m laying down. Just trust the process. 

If this is your first Lights, Camera, Albums, we’re happy to have you! As a little primer, this is a series where I take the tracklist of the album du jour and pair each song with a movie. We’ve covered everyone from Chappell Roan to Fall Out Boy, and I would absolutely check out the other editions in this series. 

The last thing I want to mention is that I feel weird adding pictures with funny captions in this one because several of these movies and/or the scenes mentioned are heavy. 

Without further ado, I present to you Lights, Camera, Albums: Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts. 

“WTF Do I Know” as Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen 

“Cause I couldn’t be somebody’s hero

You want an apology? Not from me” 

I 100% see “WTF Do I Know” coming from Stu Wolf’s (Adam Garcia) perspective in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Lola (Lindsay Lohan) worships Stu, but when she finally meets him, Lola sees that he isn’t the man she’s conjured up in her mind. Stu is in the throes of addiction and is, to put it bluntly, an egotistical asshole. I think Stu could sing this to Lola and Ella (Alison Pill) in the diner right before Lola tells him off. 

“Plastic Hearts” as Get Him to the Greek 

I want to give a disclaimer about this pairing up top. I do really enjoy this movie, but there are, unfortunately, a cavalcade of shitty men in it. Just keep that in mind if you’re watching this movie. I digress. 

It’s clear that Aldous Snow (Russell Brand, unfortunately) is so desperate for connection. He’s deeply unhappy with his life and tries to fill the void with all of his vices. Aaron (Jonah Hill, unfortunately) is almost like Aldous’s glimpse into a normal life outside of celebrity, and Aaron tries to keep him grounded. That’s why this pairing was so obvious to me. With lyrics like, “I just wanna feel,” I think Get Him to the Greek and “Plastic Heart” are perfect together. 

“Angels Like You” as Casablanca 

My head canon is that Rick (Humphrey Bogart) and Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) sing this to each other as Rick is putting Ilsa on the plane. I think each sees the other as the “angel.” Ilsa sees Rick as the man she’ll always love and thinks he’s going to escape with her, while Rick sees Ilsa as the one who got away and knows they can’t be together. But, let’s maybe just keep this as head canon and never try to remake Casablanca. 

“Prisoner (feat. Dua Lipa)” as My Best Friend’s Wedding 

This is an example of a pairing that I need you to suspend your belief on. Okay? Okay. Jules (Julia Roberts) realizes she’s in love with her best friend Michael (Dermot Mulroney) and casually decides to try to convince him to leave his fiance and call off his wedding. Y’know, totally mature and, in no way, toxic behavior. 

I think in Jules’s mind, she’s been imprisoned by her feelings for Michael, and they’ve always had a special connection. Jules sees these feelings as something she has to act on, and she just “can’t get [him] off [her] mind.” But, a part of her also blames Michael for her feelings, much like the song. 

“Gimme What I Want” as Ginger Snaps 

There’s no way you can listen to “Gimme What I Want” and not think of a werewolf. I’m sorry. Also, let’s mix in all of the hormones that course through your system in adolescence. hat’s what led me to Ginger Snaps. After she’s bitten, Ginger (Katharine Isabelle) transforms into a werewolf and her entire worldview changes. We’re just going to leave it there because this movie is about puberty and teenagers, so let’s keep it PG-13. 

“Night Crawling (feat. Billy Idol)” as Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

Now, there are a couple of different perspectives we could utilize for this one, so I think it would be a full ensemble song. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there are…vampires. This is one of those songs I mentioned up top that SCREAMS vampiric desires. 

“Night crawlin’, sky fallin’

Gotta listen when the Devil’s callin’

Can’t shake it, I’ll taste it

When it’s yellin’ out my name, I chase it” 

LIKE, COME ON. You could even have Buffy (Kristy Swanson) singing against the numerous vampires to show the parallels between her mentality of slaying versus the vamps’ dastardly deeds. 

“Midnight Sky” as Bit 

I want to confess something. I LOVE this song. I can’t tell you how many times I played it when it came out, and I still listen to it regularly. Man, it feels good to get that off my chest, and we can move on now. 

At the fear of repeating myself again, here’s another song I paired with a vampire movie. In Bit, Laurel (Nicole Maines) is seduced into being a vampire after meeting Izzy (Zolee Griggs) at Duke’s (Diana Hopper) club. I can see this song playing in the club as Izzy and Duke set their sights on Laurel. 

“High” as Rachel Getting Married 

CW/TW: addiction, grief, loss, drunk driver, fatal car crashes, and everything similar 

I watched Rachel Getting Married as a teenager, but I still recognized how good this movie is. To fully understand how I made this pairing, I want you to take any sexual component out of the lyrics. Instead, I want you to picture Kym (Anne Hathaway) singing this and talking about her dead brother, Ethan. She was responsible for his death, and their sister, Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt), hasn’t fully forgiven her. 

Miley and Kym have the same mentally here of missing someone so terribly. While Miley is more than likely talking about the feeling of being high as opposed to any of the vices Kym turns to, their mental states are very similar in this moment. 

“Hate Me” as Walk the Line

Johnny Cash struggled with addiction, and it’s no secret that his and June’s relationship started when he was still married to someone else. I can see Johnny (Joaquin Phoenix) singing this song to June (Reese Witherspoon) when he’s trying to get her back or while he’s detoxing. June loved Johnny, but their relationship was tumultuous, much like the one described in this song. 

“Bad Karma (feat. Joan Jett)” as Bound 

First and foremost, I can’t believe I’m writing a piece about a Miley Cyrus album that pairs a song she sings with Joan Jett with Bound. Dreams do come true. 

Secondly, I think Violet (Jennifer Tilly) would ABSOLUTELY sing something like this as she sneaks out to scheme with Corky (Gina Gershon) if Bound ever became a musical. In fact, Corky and Violet could do a hot duet of it. 

“Never Be Me” as Rent 

“Never Be Me” is “Take Me or Leave Me” for people who were in the fine arts as kids and are now in their 30s. I said what I said. This song SCREAMS Maureen (Idina Menzel), through and through. Maureen is a very strong personality, and she wants Joanne (Tracie Thoms) to know exactly what she’s getting into. If they updated Rent and picked modern songs to add into the musical, it would be a travesty if they didn’t choose “Never Be Me.” 

“Golden G String” as Hustlers 

I know this one might seem like it’s on the nose, but I didn’t pair these songs based on the title alone. “Golden G String” is about embracing your sexuality and reclaiming your power as a woman. I know that in Hustlers, they’re, um, drugging men and stealing their money, but take a step back. 

Crimes aside, Ramona (Jennifer Lopez), Destiny (Constance Wu), and Co are looking to overcome the setbacks life has thrown at them while getting back at some of the men who treat women as objects. AGAIN, I don’t condone the crimes they committed, but I think it’s easy to see the parallels here. 

Hello, Movie Mavens! Welcome back to the B Movies Blog. Today, we’re popping the first three episodes of The Secret Life of the American Teenager into the ol’ VCR. 

CW/TW: references to child SA and ab*s* 

I’m one of those people who have to sleep with background noise, be it a show, podcast, or movie. Oftentimes, I’ll pick a show I’ve watched a million times or something I’ve seen before so that I don’t get distracted and wind up staying up later than I should. 

A few weeks ago, I was flipping through streamers and landed on Secret Life for my bedtime show. And, y’all, it’s so much worse than I remembered it being. 

This show is so bad, like NEXT LEVEL bad. The worst part is, I think the show meant well. I might be wrong, but I think their end goal was to get a dialogue about sex going between parents and teens. However, the execution is cringy at best. 

For those who don’t know, Secret Life was created by Brenda Hampton, who also brought us the truly batshit 7th Heaven (which I’ll need to tackle in another piece). 

We all know I love teen shows, but I honestly don’t know if I could keep watching this one, even though there’s an entire storyline where Grace thinks God killed her dad because she had sex. 

If you don’t believe me, Google it. 

In true B Movies fashion, I’ve decided to break down each of the episodes into my unhinged thoughts, so it’s like you’re watching the episodes with me. God help us both. 

Episode One 

• Two North Korea jokes AND Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” in the first five minutes? We’re off to the races.  
• I don’t mean this as an insult, but this was 100% written by someone who grew up in purity culture. I can say that because I grew up in public schools in Texas and was taught Sex Ed by coaches who blushed when they talked about HPV. 
• I’m so proud of Francia Raisa for making it through this. 
• Grace is so Fundie coded, albeit a well-intended Fundie, but a Fundie nonetheless. 
• I think Joe’s sweater is supposed to have little bats, but they look like tiny IUDs. 
• It’s like Saved! without the satire and commentary and humor. 
• Ben “I was just watching you” Boykewich is a walking red flag. 
• God, Ricky is the absolute worst, but I can also confirm that he fits the persona of a lot of drumline guys to a T. 
• Lauren is the only one with any sense…OPE JK. 
• Not Jack asking her when they’re going to get married as 15/16 year olds so that they can have sex, and Grace saying she wants to wait until AFTER MED SCHOOL. 
• I was making a bet with myself on how long it would be before they mentioned God’s Loophole, and I’m surprised it wasn’t brought up. 
• But, by god, there’s a forbidden fruit reference. 
• Is he the counselor or a member of CSI: Miami? Let a horny teenager join the marching band, Jesus. 
• That…is not how band works at all. 
• These writers have never spoken to anyone under 35 in their entire lives. 
• In what universe would a pediatrician give a teenage patient a gynecological exam when she went to her to write a paper? 
• Omfg, not “Daughters.” 
• DID THAT RANDOM WOMAN JUST HAND HER CHILD TO AMY WHILE SHE GOT UP? 
• God forbid a teenager show her belly button. 
• This dinner conversation makes my skeleton want to leave my body. 
• Tom is the best character on this show. 
• Ernie Hudson and Molly Ringwald deserve so much better than this. 
• Okay, I’ll give them Jack’s desperate and sexually frustrated prayer in-huddle because I laughed really hard. 
• “My dad is quite the driver?” Do these writers know what teenagers are?
• Um, did these teenagers really say to trap Ben by pretending it’s his baby? 
• “I don’t know how to be a Christian AND a man right now”? GIVE ME A BREAK. You’re also a child.
• HELL YEAH, TOM! 

Episode Two 

• Ricky, John Bender called, and he wants his personality back. 
• Okay, I know Adrian is supposed to be the villain of the show, but she’s kind of iconic. 
• Also, STOP SHAMING PEOPLE FOR HAVING SEX. 
• Also, DON’T PRESSURE ANYONE TO HAVE SEX. 
• Also, STOP CALLING EACH OTHER “KID” WHEN YOU’RE ALL THE SAME AGE.  
• Yes, Grace’s Mom, YES. 
• Adriana walked so that Maddy Perez from Euphoria could run. 
• Okay, maybe I did adolescence wrong, but outside of celebrities, there was no one I talked about marrying. 
• Um, maybe let’s not say, “Hey, Ben, we know your mom died when you were 11, but it’s time to move on.” 
• I’m 31-years-old, and I would puke if someone said “My Baillee” as a pet name. 
• Ashley is an absolute queen, and I love how Hot Topic coded she is.  
• George is the WORST. 
• Jack basically saying, “Listen, I’m a Christian! I know I cheated, but I’m a Christian!” triggered me in ways you can’t imagine. 
• Honestly? I have no notes on how Grace’s parents talked to Jack. 
• Um, I would love to see the study that says the number one killer of women is “low self-esteem.” 
• The “I love you” phone call between Amy and Ben made my face physically contort in disgust. 

Episode Three 

• Okay, well, we have a grown man ogling a 13-year-old girl, and that’s repulsive.  
• Ben assuming that his friend’s girlfriend meant she wanted to have sex with him. Good God. 
• Um…did the counselor just allude that he’d like to sleep with a teenage student? 
• I know I don’t drive, but is it commonplace for gas stations to give away free tampons for filling up your tank?
• I’ve never been married, but uh, does anyone else find it weird that the Juergens are obsessed with their dad’s ex-wife and his ex-wife’s new husband when they have been divorced for years? 
• Grace’s mom is serving cunt with her hair and razor sharp eyeliner. 
• RIP Deborah Raffin. 
• Adrian’s “I ♻️ Boys” shirt is 2much4me. 
• I think they Googled “Mom Bealls” for Molly Ringwald’s wardrobe and then bought every thing that came up. 
• THESE CHILDREN HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 80 MINUTES. EVERYONE LEAVE THEM BE. 
• Yeah, Grace, the fact your parents don’t want you to date a guy who openly cheated on you is “being unreasonable.”
• I am so unbearably uncomfortable with teenagers calling each other “so sexy.” 
• Okay, I honestly feel so bad for Ashley because she’s trying to hold their entire family together.